Miss Rose 'Belikov' Hathaway
by FantasyGirl607
Summary: Rose is tired of being pushed by Dimitri and Lissa- so when they betray her, where will she go and what happened when she see's them again, how have things changed - can she forgive them and what has fate got in store for her PLEASE READ   REVIEW - THANX
1. Intro

A lot has happened in the last few months and not all of it has been good. I left the academy to go and hunt down my newly turned Strigoi lover, went to Russia and killed many until I found him. He held me prisoner until I escaped and killed him, or so I thought I returned to my home and best friends only to receive a letter from my lover, he survived and to say he was pissed is an understatement. I told my best-friend everything and we started a plan to find a way to save him which leaded into myself, Lisa and Eddie breaking Victor Dashkov from prison as he knew of a way to turn my lover back to his Dhampir self, once we had contacted his brother we lost them but not before getting the information we needed. We were successful in turning him back and I thought things were going to be good now, I had my life back, I had graduated as a guardian, I had my friends and Lisa and now I had Dimitri back but I was wrong.

Once back at court people started to believe that Dimitri was returned to a Dhampir, that he wasn't harmful, he and Lisa started to get close she felt she had to protect him from everyone and he had some kind of connection with her since she was his 'saviour' at first I was happy that he had Lisa, I know how much she can help when you need her but Lisa started pushing me away and keeping me from her head and I was getting worried.

As time went on it got worse, I felt my heart being ripped from my chest a little every day, the love of my life couldn't standing even being around me and my best friend has chosen to protect him instead of being their for me, it was killing me but it was about to get so much worse.


	2. Chapter 1

I was sitting in my room alone, as usual thinking about Dimitri I couldn't understand what has gone wrong, after everything I have done for him he could just so easily pass me by and act as if I he could not see me. Whilst I had to see him every day and feel my heart shattering over and over again, knowing I mean nothing to him whilst he is my world.

I was pulled into Lisa's head and what I saw will forever be burned into my mind

She is with Dimitri and they are watching Tv, it looked just like to friends would but here emotions told me other wise they were going wild, she was attracted to him, she wants him

"Dimitri, are you ok with what happened with Rose in court ?" she whispered she was praying he would say he didn't love me he loved her

I could feel tears running down my face but I knew they were from my eyes and not hers, she didn't even know that she was breaking my heart more and I couldn't get out of her head as much as I tried.

He turned to face her and smiled, it was one of his true smiles the ones that used to melt me as soon as I saw it, a one that he had not given me in a very long time

"yes Lisa I am, she was acting childish and was wrong to do so" there was not pain or love in his voice when he spoke those words just discussed

She held his hand and smiled _'Will he kiss me back if I kiss him'_ WHAT ! How the hell could she do this, to myself and Christian, the guy she was so called in love with, she was meant to be my best friend my sister and here she sat moving in on the guy I love

The tears continued to run as my pain and betrayal turned into anger, I wanted to go over there and kick the smile from her face.

She leaned in close and kissed his check to see if he would respond, he squeezed her hand, that's all she was looking for, she again leaned in however this time her lips met his, and at that very moment I could have died and be grateful so that I did not have to see more but as if god hated me it continued on, he did not pull back to she put a little more passion into the kiss and he returned it.

I was finally able to rip myself from her head but I was filled with so much anger I did something that I will regret for the rest of my life, not because I didn't want him to know but because he didn't need to find out this way

I grabbed my phone and texted Christian as quick as I could

_you need to see something_

_Get to Lisa's room QUICK !_

_-R_

I sat back and jumped back into her head to watch it play-out, she was still kissing Dimitri but now his arms were around her waist and she was straddling his legs

_' I want him now, please just fuck me' _again my anger boiled within me and I wanted to scream

Dimitri lifted her top up and over her arms, she leaned her head to the side and moaned as his kissed her neck, and as if I had timed it perfectly Christian came barging into the room and froze when he was what was in front of him, the look on his face killed me I had made this happen, I had put him in so much pain.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ?" he yelled and they jumped apart, each looking down at their feet to ashamed to even meet his eye, I smiled to myself even though mine and Christian's hearts were breaking at least they couldn't not deny what we had seen.

Lisa tried to walk towards him "Christian please let me explain, its not what you think" she was crying tears ran down her pretty pale skin, he started laughing but it was filled with so much pain "really because it looked like you were just about to fuck the love of Rose's life … what about her after everything she has done for you since you were both children" she gasped for air and continued "she has risked her life for your ass, nearly every day of her life and for what, for you to show your true colours …. your nothing but a dirty whore" he spat, Dimitri who had been standing still and silent finally found his voice "do not talk to.." but Christian cut him off "you do not even speak to me, your just as bad as her, after everything you have already done to Rose and yet she still loves you, do you have any idea what she has done for you ? To get you back ? And you do this with her best friend, you are pathetic and should have stayed a Strigoi at least you expect this thing from them"

he calmed down a little and I saw tears forming in his eyes he was about to turn and leave but he paused "the thing I regret the most is that Rose had to see all of this" he muttered and left, Lisa was panicking she turned to Dimitri "did he just say Rose saw this ?" she whispered and when he nodded she fell to the ground and started crying heavier, he wrapped his arm around her for comfort.

I snapped out of her head and lay back on my bed, I couldn't seem to get my thoughts in order, at that moment my phone buzzed and I read a text from Christian

_Open the door_

_-Chris_

_x_

The door knocked just as I placed my phone down, when I opened it there stood Christian with tears in his eyes, I felt ashamed for what I had done to him "Christian I am so sorry, I didn't think about what I was doing until I had already sent you the text" I whispered he came close and I thought he was going to hit me, I wish he had I deserved it but instead he wrapped me in his arms and we both sobbed for everything that had happened tonight, he stayed with me until I fell asleep.

When I woke up I was still wrapped in his arms, I stood and went to take a shower everything that had happened last night was still rushing through my mind, I need to think.

When I stepped back into my room Christian was awake, he sat on my bed with his head in his hands "Christian I am so sorry" I whispered I felt so ashamed that I could put him in pain through what I had done, I mean I had never really been very close with Christian but I still loved him as a friend me could make me smile

"don't be, am not upset with you, they did this to you as well, I'm pissed at them" he muttered through his hands, I sat down beside him and just waited till he was ok, we stayed like this for maybe an hour before I moved

"where are you going ?" he smiled but it was small and sad, "I'm going running I need to do something to stop me from killing them" I whispered, I continued to look around my room for something to wear "could I come ?" I knew he hated running, but he looked like he needed something to do to stop him from sitting around crying, I nodded and found him some joggers but I didn't have any tops I could pull of as a male top but he said he would be fine with out a top, I changed into my joggers and sports bra both black and tired my hair into a high pony tale, Christian starred at my Molniji marks he smiled I turned to look at him "what ?" I puzzled "all this time make fun of you for being a bad ass and I guess you really are" he laughed, I punched him in the arm and we headed down to the track.

Once we were on the track and running I felt better, I always felt more relaxed when I was running to feel free. We both had our headphones in and were running just enjoying each other being there, he had Aerosmith – Love in the Elevator whilst I had Gun's n' Roses – Sympathy for the Devil blasting in my ears, he kept falling behind whilst I tried to stay at a steady pace for him but my body was aching to go faster, I saw him go sit out and lay back on the grass, I took this opportunity to run like I wanted, I turned my music on full and started to run faster and faster until I felt the slow burn in my muscles. When I was running I could fell as if I had control over my life but I knew as soon as I stopped my problem would catch up with me and I wished I never had to stop.

I decided to take a 5 minute break I sat down beside Christian and smiled "you look like a Goddess when you are running" he muttered, I couldn't help but laugh I stood up and started walking "where are you going ?" "getting some thing for us to drink, will you wait for me I'll be about 3 minutes, 2 if I run fast" I laughed and headed towards the gym.

I filled the water bottle's and headed back to Christian, he was lying back on the grass starring up at the night sky he heard me coming "hey sexy" he muttered and caught the bottle as I tossed it at him, we sat in silence for sometime then I asked if he was ready to run again.

We set off running again but this time he was pushing himself to go faster for my sake, I smiled at him and slowed down a little to a more reasonable pace for him, but again he went and sat down on the grass watching me as I ran, he did good he lasted 22 laps before getting tired, I continued not tired at all and I knew my body was able to handle more then I was giving it but I didn't want to race I just wanted to enjoy the feeling of running.

I passed Christian time and time again and laughed every time as he cheered me on, I got 77 laps before I sat down

"you do know you just did 77 laps and you don't even look fazed" he gasped, I just smiled and lay back, we were both looking at the night sky "it's beautiful" I whispered he agreed "I wish we were normal, so we could go anywhere we wished and be anyone we wanted to be" he muttered and I felt the pang in my chest, whilst in Russia when I wasn't looking for Dimitri I had enjoyed being out in the real world being able to do anything I wanted without having to worry about looking after some one "know that we have graduated, I guess we will be leaving the academy soon and I wont see you much" he seemed almost sad by the idea "well I wont be Lisa's guardian that's for fucking sure" I laughed "you could be mine" he whispered, I wasn't sure he had even said it at first "you want me as your guardian ?" I smiled he nodded "yeah, I mean come one your bad-ass who else will let me have fun whilst being protected" I couldn't help but agree "so you would ?" I nodded and was pulled into his arms, being Christian's guardian would be fun, we loved to wind each other up and he was my friend, but I couldn't help but feel a little sad all my life I had trained to be Lisa's guardian and now things were different I felt a little lost.

"thank you Rose for today" he smiled "I didn't do anything, your actually a good runner" I muttered "yeah right but that's not what I meant, if you hadn't brought me out here I would have been in my room crying, instead I have been here and I've actually smiled and ran off some of my anger" he was sitting up facing me now and I could see the thanks in his eyes "any time Flamey" I jumped towards me but I was quicker them him and was up and running before he knew it, he started chasing me, I couldn't stop laughing and he was calling to me in between laughs "Rose I will get you" he called to me but something caught the corner of my eye and I slowed my running to see better, then I was falling to the ground with Christian grinning whilst he sat on top of me laughing "arw Rosie not so fast" he whispered he fell off me panting for breath, I stood up I couldn't shake the feeling that's some one was watching us, I held my hand out to him and smiled "come on Flamey, we need to go".

We were walking back to my room after collecting out water and Ipods off the grass, we were laughing about him catching me, when two people we didn't want to see walked round the corner.

My heart ached to see his face and I felt Christian tense beside me. Lisa stopped walking and I saw a tear run down her check when she looked at me, Dimitri just stood their starring at me.

Christian and I both turned to walk the other way, he still had no shirt on and he was covered in sweat, I felt Lisa through the bond_ 'OMG have they slept together, I should have known'_ that did it for my anger it burst from me and I turned and walked back to them without even thinking I drew my fist back and it came to a stop against Lisa's face, she screamed at the pain and fell to the ground

Dimitri was at her side in a second, I looked down at her "I would never do that, I'm not like you" I screamed and felt Christian pulling me away from them "please Rose, come with me their not worth you hurting" he whispered to me I saw Dimitri head heard and he was looking at me with a expression I couldn't read.

I went back to my room, Christian told me he was going to his room to talk to his aunt and he would come visit me later. I was lying on my bed when my phone started to ring, I answered it without even looking at the ID

"Hello" I muttered

"Roza, its Yeva Dimitri's grandmother" I could hear the smile in her voice at the name of her grandson

"I know who you are, its nice to hear from you" I replied but there was no emotion in my voice

"Roza, I had a dream, I know what he did I also know what you are thinking" she laughed at the last part, she just knew 'shit'

"what am I thinking Yeva ?" I asked because even I didn't know what I was thinking at that moment

"you are thinking of running" she whispered, I had to give it to her I hadn't settled on the idea but it was there in the back of my mind

"why did you call Yeva ?"

"well I know I can not change your mind, I have already spoken to the family and we have agreed if you intend to run please come to us, our home is yours and I would love to see you again" I could hear the hope in her voice

"Yeva if I agree to come, no one is to tell Dimitri, he dose not know that I know you and I don't want him to come after me" I muttered she must be sitting with the family as I can hear her relaying what I say to them

"Yeva put me on loud speaker please" I muttered

"your on now Roza" she called

"hello guys" I smiled at the thought of this family I loved each as if I had known them my whole life

there was a chorus of hello's

"ok I need to ask you, if you all want me there not just your grandmother ?" I could here them laugh

"Roza its Olena, I love you as my daughter you are welcome and my whole family sees you as part of us, if you run please come here I don't want to worry about you out there in the world alone" I could hear as she let out a small sob at the idea of me alone and unsafe

"if I could do you all promise not to tell Dimitri, he is not to know that I am there or that you have ever meet me before are we clear"

I heard Viktoria ask her grandmother what had happened between us I answered before Yeva could

"he broke my heart, Yeva will explain more once we are done, now do I have every ones word on this ?"

"there was a lot of yes and we promise, then it was settled I was going to Russia, I smiled I hadn't even thought about it but this idea made me happy

"I will see you all soon, Yeva I will phone often to let you know what's happening and when you should expect me"

"ok Roza, we look forward to seeing you again and please take care, we love you … Goodbye"

"goodbye"

I hung up and lay back on my bed I smiled to myself, I guess I was going back to Baia. I fell asleep very shortly after that.


	3. Chapter 2

I woke up with the feeling that things were going to be a little better, I would be leaving this place and sure there was things I was going to miss and people, like Eddie, Mia, Adrian and Christian but I needed to get out of here.

I got showered and dressed and headed down for some breakfast, I sat in the cafe by myself until I was joined by Christian, he nodded and sat down with his food "so how are you today ?" he muttered "I'm ok I guess …. you ?" I whispered in-between bites he shrugged

"I just hate having to be here around them" he was so sad, and then I remembered that I had said I would be his guardian, how could I d so if I was not here with him then it came to me

"Christian you know how you want me as your guardian ?" he nodded so I continued "well I am leaving, and if you want me to guard you, you will have to come with me" I smiled

"but if we leave you wont be my real guardian, like down officially" he muttered

"do I really need to be, I will be with you and will protect you with my life, that's all we need so do you want to come with me ?"

"where ?" he looked unsure "Russia, I have friends there that will take me in" I smiled thinking of my 'family' in Russia, he wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me "thank you Rose" he whispered

"so when do we leave ?" he laughed, I could tell he was excited

"as soon as we are ready but Christian no one and I mean no one can know we are leaving and if they simply must they can not know we are going to Russia" I looked him dead in the eye to make sure he understood, he put his hand on his heart and smiled "swear" he laughed earning a slap across the back of the head from me.

We finished our breakfast and continued to talk about what to talk, how we were going to get there, but Christian told me that his aunt Tasha would gladly let us use her plane if we wanted, of course I agreed and I told him I would contact Sidney to meet is after we land with a plane.

Christian called his aunt and asked if she would meet us in an hour at his room, she agreed to we just had to wait till then, I couldn't stop thinking about leaving, we would have a chance at a new life and we wouldn't have to be around Lisa and Dimitri every day, I was happy at the idea of being free. We were sat talking when our group came down for breakfast Mia and Eddie were first they smiled and said good morning, we sat laughing about Eddie running away from a spider when Adrian turned up and kissed my forehead and smiled, we got talking I had told Adrian that we couldn't be in a relationship but there was still apart of my heart that was breaking at the idea of leaving him with out saying a true goodbye but it needed to be done.

He knew about Dimitri and Lisa, even though I had not seen him for a couple of days so I was assuming that Lisa had told him, he held my hand and I could see that he was sorry, I smiled

"thank you for everything you have ever done for me Adrian, I will always love you" I whispered in his ear and kissed his check, he was confused but that was all I could tell him right now

"I love you too, Little Dhampir" he smiled

I felt a limp in my throat and looked down at the table, Christian saw and squeezed that Adrian wasn't holding, he smiled and I knew I would be better soon, because hopefully by this time tomorrow I would be with people that loved me.

Lisa and Dimitri came and sat down saying their good mornings to everyone, I didn't look at them I simply picked at my food. My phone rang and I flipped it open and smiled when I saw the number

"hello" I whispered

"hey Roza, I can't wait to see you, have you made plans yet ? I smiled it was Viktoria, she seemed really happy to know I was coming

"erm .. I can not really talk, but yes I am and I have but none in motion yet" I muttered down the phone there was a pause and then she whispered

"oh, is her there ?" there was anger and distaste in her voice

"Yep" I replied simple yet effective

"ok then I will phone back later tonight, see you soon, love you" and she was back to her happy hyper self, I couldn't help but laugh

"bet your ass you will, love you too" I hung up and couldn't help but smile, everyone had started talking to each other and no one was paying much attention to me expect Christian I looked at him and held my hand at the side of my mouth 'Russia' I muttered, he nodded and smiled. We continued with the conversation until Christians phone rang, he answered it and smiled "oh hi aunt Tasha" I smiled at him and knew it was time to go, everyone had turned to face him "ok give us two minutes and we will be there" he hung up and we stood to leave "sorry guy's we gotta split" he smiled and we left, I could feel guilt and jealousy from the bond, I turned to Christian

"Lisa thinks were fucking" I laughed and knowing she would be watching he wrapped his arm around my waist and leaned in to whisper in my ear "might as well have some fun with it" he laughed and I checked the bind, it had worked Lisa was extremely angry and for once I no longer cared.

We got to Christian's room, Tasha sat waiting to us she kissed us and said her hello's then we went and sat on his bed "so either one like to explain to me, what is going on and why you need my plane" she smiled, she didn't know about me and Dimitri but there was no point in having secrets at this point so I started

"myself and Dimitri were together before he turn, so of course I did everything I could to get him back, went to Russia at first to kill him and thought I had but I was wrong" I looked down at my hands this was painful to talk about

"so that's why you left the academy for a few months ?" she smiled I nodded and continued

"then it was me, Lisa and Eddie who broke Victor out because he knew how to change a Strigoi back, so I planned it and it worked then I got him to tell me who it was done, then got Lisa to stab Dimitri so we could change him back, but things went wrong he and Lisa got close and they pushed me away" I took a deep breath to steady my nerves

"i got pulled into the bond one night to find them making out, I told Christian and he confronted them, but being here around them is to hard so I am leaving"

Christian took over from here

"I asked Rose to be my guardian and agreed to I am leaving with her, we need a fresh start and Rose has friends that will give us a home" he smiled and her and she looked deep in thought

"I am so sorry to both of you, I know what its like to have your heartbroken, anything I can do you have my word I will" she smiled, I looked over at Christian and he looked revealed I think he was worried that she was going to shout at him.

"I have no doubt that you will be safe with Rose, so if you want to go I give you my permission and access to my plane" she smiled "were is it you are going ?" there was silence "aunt Tasha we need you to swear on my life that this will never leave this room or your lips" Christian begged "i swear, I will not betray you"

"all we can tell you is that were are going to Russia, Rose has friends there of when she ran away to kill Dimitri"

Christian pulled Tasha into a hug and kissed her check "aunt Tasha I love you, thank you for helping us" he whispered and she told us the time and what we needed to pack and do anything else that was needed and meet her at the school gates in 4 hours. We were about to leave when I asked Christian if I could talk to Tasha alone, he nodded and left she turned to me and smiled

"Tasha I swear to you I will protect him with my life, I may not be his guardian by paper but I have given him my promise do I am his guardian by heart" he muttered hoping she would believe me

She pulled me into a hug and laughed "Rose I have no doubt you will keep him safe for me, but right now he needs to be free and that's what you can give him, just promise me that once you are safe and settled you will contact me and tell me all is well and hopefully I may be able to visit, I would like to know that you are safe as well ok, you may be keeping my nephew safe but I need you to be safe as well" I smiled and nodded, I left to get my things ready.

Sitting in my room I had already packed my things and was just waiting, I had to write a few letters to explain what had happened, I started with Mia and Eddie this one would be easier

Eddie and Mia

_Hey Bitches : )_

_I'm off for while, Christian decided to tag along, so I guess this is goodbye for now, but believe me you have not seen the last of bad-ass Rose (hehehe) anyway, I love ya both, Mia at first you were a pain in my ass but now I am glad to have had you for a friend._

_Eddie you have been my friend for a long time and that I am greatful and always will be._

_If you could let the others know we are fine and not to bother looking for us we wont be found until I want to be._

_We love you_

_I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to you and Christian says goodbye and that he will send news as soon as we are settled_

_xx Rose and Chris xx_

The next letter was going to be hard but I needed to do it, I couldn't leave him with no explanation as to why I left, he meant more to me than that

_Adrian_

_Come to me in my Dreams_

_I'll be waiting_

_Lil' Dhampir_

I left both on my bed and hoped they would find them after we were gone. I felt a tear run down my bed check, I couldnt believe I was running again and all because of Dimitri of course.

I took my bags to Christian's room and then headed down to the cafe to get something to eat I was half way through my sandwich, when Dimitri came in and sat down

"what do you want ?" I snapped he looked hurt by my tone, but it was nothing compared to how he had made me feel.

"Roza …." he started but I cut him off "never call me that again" I snapped, I could see people turning to look at me but I didnt care "please let me talk, I'm sorry for everything, what happened between Lisa and me it was nothing just a mistake that should never have happened"

he waited for me to reply, I stood and picked my bag up which was filled with sweets, crisps and pop along with anything else we would need for the plane, I put it over my shoulder and leaned down to whispered in his ear and being so close I could feel my body respond to his but I held back "love fades, mine has" I whispered and felt a tear run down my check before I turned and left, I heard him whisper "Roza … mine will never fade" but I did not stop I continued to Christians room, he wasn't there so I curled up on his bed and fell asleep.

Christian woke me up when it was time to leave "Rosie, we need to go aunt Tasha will be waiting" he whispered we got our bags and headed out.

10 minutes later and we were sitting in the back of Tasha's car driving away from St. Vlads I turned to Christian and he wrapped his arm around me and smiled "sleep, Rosie I'll wake you soon" he whispered and within minutes I was sound asleep dreaming of my family waiting for me in Russia.


	4. Chapter 3

I woke up and stretched until I realised we were already on the plane and in the air, I looked around t find Christian and found him sitting across from me smiling "morning sexy" he winked making me laugh, I sat up and yawned "how long left ?"

"were about 10 minutes away, you slept the whole way" he burst out laughing making me smile, it was nice to see him laughing again. He went and grabbed me some food and waited for us to land.

He had rang Sydney and explain who he was and what we were doing and to my amazement she agreed to help him. She was waiting for us when we landed with a car to take us to Baia.

When we got of the plane I was freezing, I shivered and Christian put a thick fur coat on me, I looked at him confused "Aunt Tasha got us lots of clothing that we would need, it suits you" he smiled, I liked his aunt more and more every time I talked to her. I walked over to Sydney and sock her hand

"Sydney, thank you for this" I smiled

"well you might be an evil creature of the night but I class you as my friend" she smiled Christian went to shake her hand but she just nodded and started walking to her car

"was it something I said ?" I couldn't help but laugh

"no Sydney just doesn't like our kind, well except me maybe" he smiled

As we drove she told me about what she had been up to since I last saw her, in return I told her what I had been up to including everything about Dimitri and Lisa, and she looked sympathetic. She told me about having to explain to her boss about helping me cover all the bodies and then helping me get to Baia, she found it funny that again she was helping me get there, I liked Sydney she was funny and a smart-ass just like me, I wonder if that's what makes it possible for us to get along.

The 7 hour drive seemed to fly by, we stopped for food and gas and swapped drivers when I got tired, I fell asleep while we were listening to the radio but Christian woke me up by shouting in my ear, causing him and Sydney to laugh when I told him to shut the fuck up.

"Rose, were here, there's a bunch of people waving at us" he was laughing, I sat up and smiled the whole family was waiting for us and they had big smiled on their faces. As soon as the car stopped I jumped out and ran towards them they each hugged me and kissed my check, I turned to face them "oh this is Christian" I looked a bit ashamed I hadn't told them he was coming, but they just laughed

"your room his next to mine" Paul smiled, now I was even more confused but then it hit me

"Yeva" I muttered making them all laugh more

I said my goodbyes to Sydney and walked into the house, We sat talking about everything my life, Dimitri and Lisa, what happened at my graduation, they told me about what I had missed her, the new additions to the family, Viki graduating school.

They had made a lovely dinner for us and we sat around as a family, laughing and chatting and I loved it. I knew what I had been missing my inter life a family, to sit and talk to, a place to have family meals and a place to truly call home. Now I have it and never want to lose it.

After a few hours everyone went off to bed, I said good night to them, Christian was already in the bed beside mine snoring his head off. I lay down and starred at the ceiling, I couldn't sleep so decided to go make some tea, once it was done I went to sit outside in the night air, I dragged the big blanket over to the chair and wrapped it round myself, it was so beautiful here the sky was clear and every star was in view, I gasped at its beauty Dimitri had been right it was like no other place on earth and its beauty is breath taken

_(flashback)_

_I lay here wrapped in Dimitri's arms, we had just made love for the first time_

"_hey comrade, what's your home like ?" I whispered_

"_oh Roza it has beauty like no other, its takes my breath away, on a night you can see the stairs everywhere in the sky" I had giggles and sighed_

"_my love, one day I shall take you there and you will see that its like no other place on earth" he whispered and kissed my lips with such passion my heart melted_

_(end flashback)_

I sat there and cried until I heard someone open the join and join me, I turned and smiled at Yeva she looked at me and sighed "he hurt you so bad my little Ангел" she muttered I have learnt a little Russian since I returned home after 'killing' Dimitri, she just called me her little angel, I smiled at her and nodded I couldn't stop the tears from running down my face

"i feel like my heart has stopped when I think of him I cannot breath, I cannot move, I feel like I'm dying" I gasped she held me close and whispered to me in Russian

"Не кричите ангела, Вы заживете от этого" I didn't think I would ever heal from this but it gave me comfort to know she would be there for me.


	5. Chapter 4

I woke up and smiled today was my 21st birthday, its been 3 years since myself and Christian ran away from the academy and we have been with the Belikov's since, they are our family and they loved us.

I got dressed and headed down stairs to be greeted by everyone, as soon as I walked into the kitchen everyone yelled happy birthday, I nearly jumped out of my skin but laughed along with everyone. I sat down beside Christian and he wrapped his arms around me "hey sexy" he whispered and kissed my check, even though we were not together we always greeted each other like this, we had tried being together but it hadn't worked out.

We had been reading one night a letter from his aunt Tasha telling is how things at court was and how Eddie and Mia were engaged that had made us both smile they would be an amazing couple and deserved to be happy. We had gotten closer over the time we had been here in Russia, he leaned in close and kissed me and my body had burned with lust, it was sweet and soft and grew with passion the longer it continued, he picked me up and lay me on the bed his eyes asking for permission which I happily agreed to, he kissed me neck and I couldn't help but moan as I stripped his clothing away, he did the same and soon we lay there naked as the day we were born, he continued to kiss me as he slowly entered me, I gasped at the friction it has been awhile, and I had only ever had sex once so it was still so very new to me, Christian went slow and made sure I was comfortable and enjoying it. Our bodies seemed to melt together I couldn't tell you when I finished and he began, my mind was lost in a blissful cloud, our hips thrust together and we moan each others names, as we reached our peak, he held me in his arms as we fell asleep. It hadn't been strange or uncomfortable in fact it had been magical and filled with love.

We tried going out together but we just didn't work we were better as friends and he became my best friend, we knew everything about each other, neither regretted sleeping together it only made us closer. About a year and half after we got here he got with Viktoria, he had asked my permission first and I had been so excited I cried, then he asked his family and they of course agreed since then they had gotten engaged and they were expecting my nice, I have known Christian for a long time now and I have never seen him more happy then with Viktoria and his little girl on the way.

"morning to you to stud" I laughed and looked over at Viki "hows my little ангел doing today ?" I laughed as she ran her hand across her huge stomach and sighed "I wish she was ready to come out now, I'm as big as a house" she looked so depressed Christian stood behind her and placed one hand on her shoulder and the other on her bump "she nice and snugly in there" he whispered and Viki tipped her head back and kissed him, I pretended to gag and started laughing.

Yeva walked over to me and kissed the top of my head "good morning my little ангел" she smiled, ever since that first night when I sat and cried and Yeva had held me she had continued to call me her little Angle. I sat up and smiled "morning Бабушка" she turned to Christian "good morning Christian" he laughed "morning Бабушка" he turned his head to Viki and continued to kiss her, I know that Yeva loves when we call her Grandmother, she told us it was only right considering we were her family as much as the others. Most Dhampir that live in villages away from Moroi, don't really like them but they accepted Christian as part of the family and they loved him just as much as I did.

Olena and Yeva had made a special birthday breakfast for me, they cooked everything I liked and we sat down and eat, I loved having everyone around the table for meals it was fun talking and laughing. Once we were done and everything was cleared up it was present time, Paul came and jumped on my knee, I loved this little boy he was just like me and I don't think his mother was very happy considering he has picked up my attitude when I don't get what I want, but they couldn't help but smile when he learned my witty comebacks that's and calling Christian Flamey.

The first I opened was from Christian and Viki, I pulled the lid off the box and started to cry, it was a silver stake engraved with messages from my family

_'I love you, flower'_ from Paul that was his little nickname for me, I loved it.

_'My little ангел'_ from Yeva

_'To my daughter'_ from Olena

_'to my best-friend, my sister, my soul mate_' from Christian

_'my Rose'_ from Viki

_'my sister'_ from Sonya

_' love you little one'_ from Karolina

The messages from everyone was just over whelming, I was crying I thanked everyone but grabbed Christian into a hug "thank you, it was a fantastic idea I love it" I kissed his check and sat down. The next gift I opened was from Paul he bought me a new journal, he gets me one every year as I like to keep them, this one was black with a rose climbing around the cover, on the first page there was a message from him, he did it every year

'My Flower, I love you, I am so glad you came to us and brought Flamey (hehe) with you, anyway you will always be my big sister Flower'

I turned to him and kissed his forehead "I love you Pot" I smiled and opened the gift from Sonya it was a silver chain with a crystal rose hanging on it there was also a silver dog tag that looked like a leaf engraved on it was 'Roza Belikov' she already had her arms open for me to hug her, I sat down an took a breath

"I don't know if I can cry any more" I laughed and everyone joined me but I started on my next gift this one was from Karolina, I opened the box and gasped inside was a long black silk dress it had a open back and very low cut front, it was beautiful, I looked into the box again and inside were shoes and a black rose that gets pinned in to my hair, I turned to her but she put her hand up and waved me off

"I'm to big to move, so you can hug me later" she laughed Karolina was also pregnant but she was 2 months ahead of Viki and was having a little boy. I opened Olena's next and smiled at her before I tore open the paper, inside was framed photo of the whole family sitting by a camp fire, it was taken around 3 months ago, we had gone camping as a family, I and Christian had never done it before, I loved being able to do it with the people I loved, we had a huge fire and sang camp songs and cooked hot dogs and marshmallows. I pulled Olena into a hug and smiled "you couldn't have gave me anything that would have meant more to me" I whispered and she started laughing when Yeva cleared her throat and smiled.

She handed me a envelop, this was her gift ? I took it from her and opened it I pulled the paper out and started to read carefully

_'Mrs Belikov we are delighted to inform you that the request to change Miss Rose Hathaway's name has been accepted_

_Her name from now on will be Miss Rose Belikov Hathaway_

_We are also glad to inform you that the request to change Mr Christian Ozera's name has also been accepted_

_His name from now on will be Mr Christian Belikov Ozera'_

I turned to Yeva and jumped "is this for real ?" I smiled she nodded and I jumped into her arms "now you are truly part of this family" she laughed, Christian stood up "what happened ? What did we miss" he laughed I faced him "they changed my name I'm now Miss Rose Belikov Hathaway" I laughed as he pulled me into a hug "hey they changed yours to" I handed him the paper and watched his face as he read, he kissed Yeva and smiled "thank you" she nodded "you boy, are part of this family it is only right you carry our name as well" I was sitting there thinking then jumped up "hey guess what, when you and Viki get married she wont have to change her name just add a bit on" I laughed as Christian turned to Viki and smiled. Today was turning out to be the best, I have ever had since being here and that was saying something considering every day was amazing.

They planned a whole day for me, after breakfast I got changed and went for my daily run, and when I returned they had turned the living room into a theatre, we sat watching movies and eating cake, ice-cream, sweets, chips everything Yeva could think of buying. We watched movie after movie and spent the day laughing, crying, screaming etc.

Once night started to fall, I sat on the outside chair with Yeva I made us some tea and grabbed the thick blanket and wrapped it round our shoulders I sat close to her and handed her a cup "thank you, ангел" she smiled I sipped my tea and looked out into the beautiful landscape Yeva turned turned to me and smiled "what are you thinking about Roza ?" I shock my head and looked down with tears in my eyes, she whipped the ones that's slipped and hugged me close "my dear, your heart still hasn't healed has it ?" she whispered into my hair "why can Christian find love and move on but I still love him Yeva, I've never stopped"

I sobbed she lifted my face to hers and kissed each of my cheeks "why don't you talk to him ?" she smiled I shock my head "Yeva, I can't he hurt me so bad, I don't think I can ever forgive him, even thought I love him" I couldn't he nearly slept with Lisa maybe he had when we had left, I had never used the bond in over 3 years I never never wanted to see, hear or feel her around me again.

Yeva sat with me just letting me think, I turned to her and smiled "maybe with just more time" I muttered and kissed her check "would you like tea ?" she nodded and I went inside to get some, the phone was ringing but Christian answered "hello" he muttered

"sure no problem" he turned to me

"hey Rosie its your mom" he tossed the phone to me, my mother knew we where here, she even came to visit a few times, she got on well with Yeva and Olena I was glad

"hi mom" I smiled "hello Rose how are you ?"

"am great mom thanks"

"I called to say happy birthday and to ask if you were coming home to see me and your father, we would love to see you" I really didn't want to go back but how could I say no they were my parents "well … sure mom, I'll set soon and should arrive tomorrow morning is that ok" I muttered

"yes that would be great we can not wait to see you" then she hung up, I grabbed our tea and returned outside with Yeva

"well it looked like I'm going back to courts to visit my mom and dad" I whispered Yeva kissed my check and smiled "ok, would you like one of us to come with you, I don't think Christian will want to leave Viki" she smiled "I'm sure I'll be ok" I put on a brave face on to be honest going back to court for the first time in 3 years scared the hell out of me, no one apart from my mom, dad and Tasha knew about us being in Russia and with Dimitri's family. I looked at Yeva and smiled but she just laughed "Roza do you really think I would send you back into the wolves den alone, don't be silly, I will come with you" she stood and walked into the house "get your things ready we'll leave soon" she called over her shoulder.

Well I guess that's settled I was returning to court and Yeva was coming with me … OMG, Dimitri he would see me with his grandmother and he would know something is wrong, I ran into the house shouting for Yeva, I walked into her room "Yeva you can not come if Dimitri sees you he will know were I have been for the past 3 years" I gasped when she continued to smile "Yeva are you trying to kill me" I whined and sat on her bed and started to sob, she came and wrapped me in her arms, kissed my hair and laughed

"you better get ready we leave in 10 minutes" she smiled and I stormed off to my room and packed my things. My birthday gifts were on my bed, I pulled on some black jeans, black vest, my military boots and a leather jacket, I had my weapon belt around my waist. Even though I had been away from court for 3 years didn't mean I hadn't trained or killed, I protected our and from strigoi, Yeva's friend had given me my tattoos after every one I killed my tattoos covered every inch of my neck and went down my spine. So to cover them I wore my hair down I walked over to my bed and put my journal in my bag, my new stake in my belt and I put my necklace on and smiled in the mirror as I was putting my make-up on.

I walked down stairs to meet Yeva and say goodbye to everyone. Christian kissed me "I'm sorry babe, I am leaving you to do this without me but I don't want to leave Viki" he gave me an apologetic smile "don't worry about it, besides I need someone here to make sure they dont pop the babies before I'm back" I laughed both Viki and Karolina shouted 'Hey' that made me laugh more.

Once we said goodbye we set off, and my heart was breaking at just the idea of seeing him again, but I needed to do this, I can survive, can't I ? …..


	6. Chapter 5

Yeva didn't talk much during the drive to the airport or on the plain, and I was kinda grateful I need time to think and she gave me that, she just sat with a smile on her face or she would sleep.

Once the plain landed we got into a limo that my father had sent for us, it was huge and very expensive. I was so angry, nervous and scared I needed to be prepared to see them again but I just couldn't find it in me to be ready, I was terrified and I knew seeing him was going to kill me.

I turned to Yeva "if I die I am coming back to haunt your ass" I had a harsh look on my face but she just laughed at me

"Arw Мой маленький Ангел, Как конфета Вы, я не сомневаюсь, что, если Вы умираете, Вы приедете и посетите меня, но Вы не будете умирать в скором времени"

("Arw my little Angel, i have no doubt that if you die you will come visit me but you will not die any time soon")

She laughed to herself, I sat and starred at her how could she think this was funny

"Бабушка это не забавно, я только умру, если я буду видеть его"

("Grandmother this is not funny, i will just die is i see him")

I muttered she turned to face me and smiled "it must be serious if you are speaking in Russian I know how much you hate it" again a smiled she pulled me close to her and wrapped me in her arms we were silent most of the ride there

"Miss Hathaway and Mrs Belikov we are about 5 minutes away" the driver called from the front, I thanked him and turned to Yeva "Grandmother have you had any dreams ? Anything that will settle my mind" I whispered so low I'm not sure she heard me

"I have had many dreams my little angel, but nothing that I can share at the moment" she smiled I knew never to push her on her dreams, she revealed them when she felt it was right.

The car stopped and the door opened I stepped out and looked around we were outside my mothers house at court, she had moved here permanently as her charge had moved here, It just so happened that her charge was well my father. I helped Yeva out of the car and we walked towards the door, I knocked and waited.

The door swung opened and I was pulled into my mothers arms "hi, mom" I laughed and next was Yeva's turn my mother hugged her "hello Yeva I have missed you both" she smiled at us and ushered us in, the driver had placed our bags at the door, my mother asked another guardian to take them to our room. We sat and talked for awhile she wanted to know about everything back home, Christian, the babies, Paul, how my birthday had been, I told her about everything.

We had been here less than an hour when my mothers phone rang and she answered it "Hathaway" she spoke, her face suddenly became hard "I'll be right there" she hung up and grabbed her stake off her stand beside the door "mom what's wrong ?" I shouted "strigoi are in the grounds down beside the west wall, they need more guardians" she spoke quickly her voice was hard, I stood up and kissed Yeva on the forehead "stay here, we wont be long" I had my weapon belt around my waist and smiled at my mother "I'm coming with you" and then we were running towards the west wall, I could hear screaming and shouting when we were close, we rounded the corner we saw at least 50 strigoi and only 3 guardians left standing the rest were either dead or injured.

I sprang into action and saw my mother do the same, I was fast and flexible so I took them down quickly, I heard others gasped around me but didn't pay any attention to them. I killed without regret or fear any more, they were here to kill my kind, people I knew and loved if I didn't kill them, it was survival of the fittest.

I didn't see them as people when I was like this I saw them as hungry monsters, it made it easier to kill them with out thinking. I felt my body burning and aching to move faster and killer quicker so I aloud that feeling to take over, I didn't have to think about my moves they were coming naturally, I was killing with more skill them I ever thought I would have, I have never been this fast and skilled before I was confused but I didn't have time to think about it.

My self and my mother continued to fight we were the only guardians fighting most had fallen and others had gone to get more, I was in the middle of the circle of strigoi my attention was back to the kill, one after the other they came at me and fell, eventually I had only 2 left a male and a female, the male I knew the female I didn't, as the male walked towards me the female tried to sneak at me from the side but she had my attention as well as the male who was now talking to me

"ah Roza it has been a long time, and yet you still surprise me" he laughed and I heard guardian behind me talking my mother was asking if I needed help but I shock my head, my hand slips under my jacket and wrapped around my second stake, he jumped at me and I flipped and pushed my stake into his chest I didn't have time to watch the light fade from his eyes as the female choice that moment to make her move but I was quicker and my stake rested in her chest before I even remember moving.

I stood and looked around me so much death and not just of the enemy there lay bodies of fallen guardians all around me. I looked over at my mother and nodded, she smiled and was about to walk to me when I heard the most comforting voice call out to me

"Мой маленький ангел, Должен Вы всегда делать такой беспорядок, когда мы идем места"

("My little angel, Must you always make such a mess when we go places")

She started laughing I walked over to her and kissed her check "Жаль Бабушка"

("sorry Grandmother")

She laughed and pulled me into a hug

"you were magnificent, Angel, I was watching, and I counted 31, Robert is going to be very angry with that number, he so hates tattooing you, you only ever complain"

I continued to laugh as we walked towards the main hall, "where are we going ?" I smiled at my mother "were going to the great hall the queen had already heard of this and wants to thank you for fighting for us" she kissed my forehead

"you were amazing I have never seen anyone fight like that, you killed over 40 enemies, you my child are a force of natural that should not be reckoned with" she laughed and Yeva joined in with her. We walked into the great hall, everyone turned to look at us as we walked in, I had the remainder of guardians behind me and Yeva and my mother at my sides.

This room still looked the same as it ever did, everything was painted in a pale colour and everything was extremely clean I mean it not a bit of dust any where, it wasn't normal. I walked to the front of the room and took a seat beside Yeva, my mother kissed me on the check "I have to site with my group, I will see you soon" she smiled and left, I heard someone clear their throat and turn to see the Queen walking out on stage, it was true she was no big fan of mine and I hers but as she walked out she had a big smile on her face.

Everyone was silent waiting for her to talk "I would like to thank everyone for coming at such short notice, but I have heard about what happened at the west wall and how one of our guardians protected us so well" she smiled at me "its a pleasure to see you again guardian Hathaway" I bowed my head in respect and smiled,

While the queen was talking I was whispering with Yeva

"did you see him child ?" I knew who she was talking about but I didn't understand when I was meant to have seen him

"no when ?" I whispered still facing the queen

"at the battle, he was there watching you with such love in his eyes" she smiled

I didn't speak again after that I drifted off and was looking around my surroundings, I felt something tug in the corner of my mind and without even looking I knew she was here, the second person I didn't want to see again, but I could fell her gaze on the back of my head.

The queen continued her speech thanking everyone for fighting to protect the court and the people here. I didn't pay much attention I was to busy thinking about everything that has happened so far, and what I expected was to come, seeing Dimitri and Lisa were the things I was so badly dreading.

I kissed Yeva on the check and stood to talk to my mother but she wasn't there she must have been called away, instead my eyes landed on Adrian Ivashkov he was slowly walking over to me with a sad smiled on his lips, he had not changed still as stunning as the first time I saw him, he reached me and kissed my check when he pulled way he looked happy to see me but I was still angry at him 2 years I waited for him to come to me in my dreams but he never did, it broke my heart that he hated me so much he did come

"3 long years lil Dhampir" he smiled I looked into his eyes and sighed

"I waited a long time for you Adrian" I could feel my heart wanted to cry but I would not allow it to do so, I cried every often these days and now was not the time to do so. He just looked at me and sighed, I did not want to have this conversation with him now and was about to say something when I felt myself being lifted off the ground by a pair of strong arms, I gasped and looked round to see I was in fact being hugged by Eddie Castile, I smiled

"oh my god Rose its been so long, I saw you out there, WOW, hey how have you been ? Do you still talk to Christian" he gasped for breath and my body shock with laughter I put a finger against his lips as he was about to start again "its nice to see you also Eddie, I've been good thank you and yes I still talk to Christian, we live together" I smiled "how have you been ?" I quizzed

"I'm great Rose, but we've all missed you so much, it hasn't been the same with out you" he drifted into his thoughts and appeared to be remembering something sad as his eyes glazed over and his smiled faded, I prodded his chest and smiled

"well how about we get together and have lunch ?" I smiled and he gave me a very happy nod "meet you in about an hour at the cafe … erm you do remember were that is right" he burst out laughing when I looked at him and raised my eyebrow "yes I remember, you get everyone ok" with that he turned to leave and left me with Adrian I turned back to him and gave him a sad smiled "so how have you been ?" he looked at me and shrugged his shoulders "missed you a lot" he whispered and I squeezed his hand and smiled my man-eater smile, it felt strange being here with him again after all this time had gone by without a single word said from either of us, and yet here my heart felt happy, as if I had never left we were still flirting and secret kisses, I smiled at the memories of my past with him.

"I have to find my grandmother" I smiled and hugged him

"I'll see you at lunch right ?" he nodded and I turned to find Yeva, I told her and my mother that we were meeting for lunch at the cafe in an hour

I needed to go home and shower and change, but most of all I needed to go an think I didn't know how to deal with this part of my past coming back, I didn't know if I would ever be ready to face it.

As I stood in the shower I felt the tears running down my face and I couldn't control them to stop them from coming, my body was shaking with them and I couldn't catch my breath, I have not cried like this since the first night I spent in Russia when Yeva had held me and comforted me.

When the water started to run cold I got out and dressed, I grabbed a pair of faded blue jeans and a black strap top, I clipped my belt back around my waist, it seemed a little odd to carry it whilst inside the courts grounds but I didn't feel safe with out it, I slipped my feet back into my military boots and grabbed my leather jacket.


	7. Chapter 6

I was about to walk out of the front door when it opened and Yeva walked in "hello grandmother" I smiled and kissed her check

"oh, angel are you going out ?" she muttered with a smile of her own

"and so are you we are having lunch with everyone and I promised we would be there" I couldn't help but smirked, Yeva was very stubborn when it came to keeping promises that have been made.

She agreed and I waited for her to change and grab her bag then we made our way to the cafe.

Something seemed wrong with Yeva, she would usually be talking but she has been quite since we left, not so much as a how are you

"Yeva, will you talk to me" I sighed and turned to face her

"I'm sorry Roza, I am just feeling a little tired after the trip and the battle" she smiled but I could see that she was tired but she was also hiding something from me, I simply smiled and pattered her hand she would tell me when she felt it was time to do so, and we resumed walking.

I saw Eddie and Mia sitting at the table waiting for the others and myself, Mia looked different yet I knew it was her, she turned and had a huge smile on her face, he hair was thicker and longer, she put on weight not a lot but a healthy amount, she also had a lovely glow to her skin, when she stood up I learned the reason behind it all with her huge rounded stomach.

They must have seen my surprise as they both broke into a laugh I was pulled into a hug by Eddie but I couldn't take my eyes of Mia, when I tried to hug her it didn't go so well, I couldn't reach around her with the table being in the way

"wow, Mia when did this happen ?" I whispered I was kinda at a loss for words, and that has to be a first for me, I always have some come back for everything but I was truly gob smacked

"well I'm 8 months, and it happened when Eddie here purposed to me" she smiled at him with eyes filled with nothing but love

Eddie and Mia, together, getting married, having a baby "fucking hell I have missed a lot haven't I" I laughed, I introduced them to Yeva and sat talking to Eddie whilst Mia was telling Yeva about the pregnancy, in return Yeva told her about the 2 babies we were expecting at home

"oh, the little girl is Christians baby" I smiled to them and then it was their turn to look shocked, but they told me to congratulate him when we returned.

It reminded me that I had promised to phone Christian once we got here but I didn't want to do that here so I would wait till I returned to the house tonight.

Everyone started to arrive after sometime, my mother, Adrian, Tasha I hadn't known she was at court but it was nice to see her, she hadn't been to Russia in a few months I know she will want an update about the baby, I smiled as everyone took their seats and got chatting.

However I had not intended to be joined by two others, they very two people I wish had not come, Lisa and Dimitri, they came and said their hello's to everyone but then their eyes fell on myself and Yeva, Lisa looked the same she was still very tale with long blonde hair reaching down her back, but there was a un-healthy shadow under her eyes that did not suit her face. She was wearing a long black coat with a dress suit under. Then their was Dimitri.

He was more beautiful then I remembered, his brown eyes felt as if they could see my soul. He had his hair tired back with a leather cord, his long duster jacket still around his shoulders.

They were surprised to see us sitting here, Lisa was starring at me with no emotion on her face whilst Dimitri was looking back and forth between myself and Yeva.

I turned to Yeva and she was smiling at me, but instead of a sweat smile you expect from some one her age, hers had a tint of humour in, I pulled my face and sighed

"Мой маленький ангел, не хандрите пришла пора для улыбок и смеха"

("My Little Angel, do not mope it it the time for smiles and laughter")

She started laughing at my expense I did not find anything about this situation funny but apparently she did. I pulled my face again, the others were looking at us, none understood what had been said apart from Dimitri who had a smirk on his lips, he looked sexy as hell but I would not allow myself to think like that.

"Бабушка, Вы будете смертью меня, я сказал Вам это прежде

Вы знаете меня, когда делают я слушаю whats пользу для меня"

("Grandmother, you will be the death of me, I have told you this before

you know me, when do I listen to what's good for me")

I smiled and sipped my tea, I could see her smiling from the corner of my eye, she always found the funny side of things it was her way of reminding me that life is made for love and laughter.

Dimitri was sitting starring at me, my eyes met his and he looked full of hope, hope for what I didn't know but hope never the less. I had not 5 seconds ago placed my tea down when my phone rang, it was a good thing also or I would have scalded myself, I pulled my phone from my pocket and flipped it open

"Hathaway" I answered, god I sounded so much like my mother it was scary

"Hello, Flower" his voice was so refreshing I smiled

"hi flower Pot" I laughed and looked at Yeva who was laughing

"I assume I know who that is" she muttered getting a smile and a nod in reply

"hey have you seen any monsters yet ?" he whispered his mother must be near by she hated me telling him stories about 'monsters'

"yeah, I had a battle with some when we got here" I laughed and looked down at my tear-filled

"wow, I wish I could have seen that, I bet you kicked butt, hey have you seen your friends yet" he was telling someone to hush and let him talk, I smiled and laughed

"yeah, I'm with them now …. who you talking to Pot" I was curious

"Uncle Christian wants to talk but I keep bopping him on the nose" he laughed and I could hear Christian yelp in the background, I smirked and tried hard to stop from laughing

"hey can I talk to Grandmother" he gasped, I handed the phone to Yeva where she sat and talked to Paul in Russian, my mother smiled

"Pot, I take it you got him back for calling you flower all these years" she smirked, I nodded and sipped some more of my tea

"he hates it, chased me round the garden last time I called him it" I smiled remembering that day like it was yesterday

_(flashback)_

_"Flower, Flower, Flower, Flower" Paul sang while running around me , i grabbed him and lifted him up "Pot" I whispered in his ear and placed him on his feet, he had chased me round and round until he grew tired and fell to his knees_

_(end flashback)_

I hadn't realised anyone was talking to me until my mother patted my shoulder "honey are you ok ?" I nodded and looked at Eddie who had been talking before

"I said I can not believe you let some one get away with calling you flower" he laughed I smiled and nodded

I was not in the mood for talking much, I missed home, I missed Christian we hadn't been far apart in the full 3 years we have been gone, it was hard to leave my family back in Russia even if I did have Yeva here with me.

I didn't join in the conversations much, I just couldn't find the will to be happy with my ex best friend and ex lover sitting at the table I was sitting at. To many thoughts were running through my mind

"how have you been Rose ?" Lisa's voice broke me out of my thoughts

"I have been very well Princess, thank you" I nodded in guardian mode than anything else, there was a flicker of pain on her face when I called her princess but she wasn't my best friend any more so I did not feel comfortable calling her Lisa, as a guardian I was to address them with respect.

Yeva handed me the phone back and smiled, I held it to my ear "Pot ?" I muttered and was replied with a very loud

"FLOWER YOU SUCK !" I burst out laughing and so did everyone else ta the table

"I'm sorry, please continue" I muttered and pulled my guardian mask on which was a very good thing with what his next words were

"Grandmother says that uncle Dimitri is there, I am sorry flower" I could hear the love he has for me in his voice and I felt as if I could cry

"Христианин "Пут"а по Телефону"

("put Christian on the phone")

I waited a few minutes then was greeted with the very familiar voice and smiled to myself, yes I so much missed him

"hello sexy" he purred down the phone, causing my smile to widen

"hey babe" I laughed, I was fully aware of everyone looking at me but I just did not carelessly

"how you doing over there ?" I could hear the curiosity in his voice, he wanted to know how I was dealing being around them, he hated more than anything that he couldn't be hear with me, and help me through this

"I'm good, how id everything at home ? The babies ?" I asked and I saw Lisa's head snap up to look at me form the corner of my eye

"Everyone is good here, the doc came this morning both babies are healthy and strong, will you be home before the births, you can not leave me hear alone with to very hormonal women for ever" he sighed, such a man I thought to myself

"We'll be home before the births, don't worry I wouldn't leave you with two pregnant women they would eat you alive, especially Viki when you don't have any choco ice-cream for her" I laughed and herd him tut

"oh Rosie, Viki is calling I have to go, give my love to everyone, and phone me tonight I love you" I took a deep breath "I love you too" I smiled and hung up

Yeva looked at me and I nodded "both doing good, the doc came for the check up but I think he is getting worried that we are going to leave him to deal with it alone" I smiled and my mother laughed

"oh, how is Christian and Viki ?" she asked and I didn't understand why I bothered speaking Russian when I asked for him, if my mother was just going to blurt it out, I don't really know why I did it in the first place it just seemed like the right thing to do at the time

"Their both good, the wedding is a month after the baby is born, you and dad are coming right ?" I smiled "of course as if we would miss it, you know we love him like a son" she smiled and it was true my father and her had become very attached to Christian since we ran away, they saw him as the son they never had she went back to talking to Tasha about the wedding and the baby.

Eddie and Mia left not long after, Mia was tried and was going tot take a nap, I kissed her and hugged Eddie they promised to come see me before I had to leave again.

"arw you feeling ok Roza ?" Yeva smiled and patted my hand

"yeah just a little tired after the battle" I smiled

"I should say so you were truly amazing, not that I haven't seen you do better" she laughed and it was true Yeva had seen me killing many times and she was always there to make sure I was ok afterwards

"that's true, but I didn't expect to have to fight so soon after travelling all that time" is sighed

"maybe if you took that heavy belt from around your waist, you would feel a little better" she laughed

"I was going to ask about that, is that a new stake you have ?" my mother spoke up, I nodded and handed it to her

"messages from the family, that's is such a good idea, I take it, it was a gift from Christian ?"

"yeah, he told them all to write a message for me and then got them engraved on it" I couldn't help but have a smile on my face I was so happy with it

"what else did you get ?" she muttered whilst examining my new stake

"a new journal from Pot, its became a tradition now, a dress and shoes, my necklace, a framed photo of when we all went camping, you know the one with Tasha, you and dad, and then Yeva got me the best thing ever possible" I looked over to Yeva and smiled

"oh and what would that be ?" she could help but show her curiosity on her face

"we had her name changed, she is still Hathaway but we felt she needed to have an extension to her name" Yeva smiled whilst holding my hand

"you finally added you name onto her" my mother smiled and kissed my check, I was really honoured to carry Yeva's and my mothers names

"they changed Christian's as well, at least not when he marries Viki she doesn't have to change her name just add a little bit on the end" I smiled

Adrian had not said much to me during lunch he stood kissed my forehead and walked away, I didn't understand the reason he was being weird with me after all it was I that should be upset that he didn't once try to contact me in 3 years when I had asked him to. My mother had to leave to pick up my father from the airport, I hugged her and told her to ring me once they arrived back at court it had been a good 7 months since I had seen my father and would like to see him.

When we had first meet it didn't go well, I felt some form of love towards him after all he is my father but at times love was not as strong as the hate I felt towards him. We were not like a proper father and daughter, we were so much alike it was strange to see.

We sat in silence, I was to uncomfortable to have a conversation and was just looking for a reason to leave when I saw Yeva smiling at me and I saw the look in her eyes, she was planning on taking her departure and leaving me alone with the two of them, we who ever said old women were sweet had never met Yeva

I smiled my best smile at her and stood up, I turned to Lisa and Dimitri and bowed my head a little

"If you will excuse me I have business to attend, Guardian Belikov, Princess" I turned back to Yeva to see the scowl on her face, I lend down and kissed her check

"I will see you at home Grandmother, we shall talk" I smiled and left but not before I heard Yeva mutter something under her breath that sounded like 'smart girl' but I continued to walk.


	8. Chapter 7

I stepped outside into the night air, it was lovely it was maybe on of the first clear nights I had seen during the whole time I had ever spent at court. I walked down to the wall at the south end of court and jumped up, my legs dangled over the side. The cold air blew against me and sent shivers down my spin, it made me miss home, the smell of the mountains and the feel of the breeze as it came off them.

_(flashback)_

_we were lying in the snow, outside the house, were had been living with the Belikov's for about 6 months._

_"Christian, do you ever miss home ?" I whispered_

_it was a few minutes before he answered_

_"yeah sometime, I miss my friends, but here I have a family I never had that back home, I mean yeah I had aunt Tasha but I still have her now and yet I have a new family that love me"_

_his voice was so sure and strong, I knew he was right but sometimes I got the feeling that maybe we should have stayed and faced them instead of running, but them I wouldn't be here and I think it was worth it._

_(end flashback)_

Time seemed to run fast as I sat on this wall thinking of home, it was nice to sit in the open air and think through everything that was confusing me, it had been 3 years since my bond with Lisa had grown weak to a point where I didn't even feel it any more. Today at lunch however I could feel the twinge in the back of my mind trying to connect with her once more but I couldn't let that happen I did not need to be connected to her any more, and I simply refused to be pulled into her mind and see things that would break me even more.

At lunch I had been trying to hard not to look at either her or Dimitri, it worked but I could still feel their presence and it hurt, my heart felt as if it was breaking all over again, I had believed it had started to heal but now I know it had just been frozen and now it was waking to all the pain that I had suffered before.

Everything was so confusing right now, I wanted nothing more than to simply get back on a plane and go home but now that everyone knew where I was and where I had been would they allow me to live in peace with my family. I didn't know and to be honest with my self I didn't know if I wanted to.

I was dragged from my thoughts by the sound of footsteps heading my way, I didn't want to see or have to speak to anyone right now I just wanted time to think. I slung my legs over the wall and let my self dangle on the over side, who ever it was would not be able to see me and would continue on their way, as they got closer I could distinguish two different sets of boots one was steady and calm while the other was jogging to catch up "Guardian Colin's" a voice called, a voice I would know anywhere. Dimitri. I held my breath as he got closer to the wall, the other which I assumed was guardian Colin's had stopped and aloud him to catch up.

"have you seen Guardian Hathaway ?" he sounded breathless and I wounded how long he had been searching for me, I knew there was no emergency or I would have been called

"Janine, has left to pick up a Moroi" he replied with no emotion in his voice

"not Janine, Rose" Dimitri's voice still sent shivers through me, and I longed to hold him but he had hurt me like no other has or ever could, I would not allow him the chance to do it again.

"I'm afraid not" and with that he continued walking, I waited till I heard both sets of footsteps leave and then pulled myself back onto the wall.

Why look for me now, does he intent to hurt me more, make me see how much power he has over me he could simply click his fingers and break my heart into even smaller pieces if it were possible.

I jumped down from the wall and started walking home, I need to calm down and talk to Yeva she would know what to do.

She was waiting in the back yard for me with a blanket and tea, I went out and sat down beside her, without a word she handed me my tea and covered me with the blanket "thank you" I smiled and sipped my tea, it was hot and sweet just what I needed to warm myself up.

"So am I forgiven ?" she smiled, referring to making a plan to leave me to confront my demons

"always" I nodded and hugged into her side, I enjoyed the time we sat outside at night wrapped in a blanket, drinking tea we did it every night at home 'one last cup and view of the world in case we were to not wake in the morning' Yeva always says.

"Grandmother, I am so confused I was happy at home, my heart beat without pain but know it hurts and I do not wish it to, I wish to go home" I sighed I had not realised how much it wad true until I said it, I would give anything to be home sitting under our night sky, with my family sleeping in our home.

She kissed my forehead and sighed "Angel, your heart will never heal until you have confronted them who broke it, but if you do not wish to be here then we will leave after you have spent sometime with your mother and father, we will go home if it will help you be at peace" I smiled and nodded "thank you, you mean everything to me" I whispered "and you to me Angel, while you spend the day with you mother and father, I will spend mine with my grandson" she muttered, I felt sorry for Yeva by loving me and having me in her home she had knowingly given up the chance at having her grandson home, as she would never hurt me by inviting him.

We finished our tea and went to bed that night I was visited by an old friend.

I was sitting in a beautiful garden, this one was not the same as his grandmothers it was larger and had different flowers growing everywhere. Adrian sat at an old bench at the side of the garden smiling over at me. I went over and sat down beside him, he was tense and looking a little sad.

"well hello, little Dhampir" he smiled

"hello Adrian" I smiled back, this seemed like the old times being with him always had made me smile

he kissed my check and wrapped his arms around my waist

"I have missed you so much, Rose"

I leaned back into his chest and sighed

"I have missed you to Adrian, why did you not visit me during the 3 years like I had asked, I had needed you to come but you never did" I felt a single tear slowly running down my check, it had killed me when he never came I felt like I had lost him because I had left.

"I am sorry, Rose at first I was angry that you left and did not say a real goodbye to me, then when you were gone I realised just how much I had been in love with you and it hurt. Then was there was no anger left I did try to come but you blocked me, I couldn't get through to you, I think when I didn't try to come after a year and a half your mind closed its self off to me, and you never even knew you had done it" he to was now crying and I felt sorry that I had been so hard on him, I knew Adrian had loved me but I didn't know it had been so deep, I felt so bad

"but when I saw you today I had to speak to you, I missed your smile, sound of your voice everything" he drifted off into his thoughts

"how have you been Adrian ?" I smiled, I was curious what he had been doing with his life

"I'm married and have a son" he whispered, I sat up straight and looked at him

"Adrian that's great, what are their names ?" I couldn't keep the smile off my face even if I had tried I was so happy for him, out of everyone of my friend Adrian deserved a loving wife and adoring son the most.

"her name is Claire, we meet around 2 years ago, I fell in love with her instantly, I had never felt that way since …. well since you. We dated for a year then I asked her to marry me the day we found out she was pregnant" I could see the love in his eyes that he had for his wife and I was truly happy to see it

"what is his name ?" I was happy for him but couldn't help but have a ache in my heart, everyone was finding someone they loved and starting their lives together, whilst I was stranded in the past filled with regret and pain

"his name is Andrew Rosel Ivashkov" he grinned, and started laughing when he saw my surprised face "well he had never met his aunt Rose so we had to find a way of letting him know you cared, so we named him after you my first love" I felt my checks blush and I hid my face as I started to cry

he lifted my chin up and wiped my tears away with a smile on his face

"I am sorry, I have missed so much that I should have been here for" I sighed and he wrapped me in his arms and pulled me to him

"you were here, in my heart and the stories I tell them of you" he whispered I could fell my heart beating again and this time it didn't hurt so much, I never realised how much Adrian had meant to me until now

"so you have been in Russia this whole time ? With Dimitri's family ?" he laughed

"yes and no, they are not just his family they are mine, my name is Miss Rose Belikov Hathaway" they kinda adopted me in a way" I laughed

"are you happy Rose ?" he muttered

"I have my family and friends, so yeah I'm happy" I smiled but I knew he could see that I was hiding things from him, he could see the pain in my eyes I never seemed to be able to hold my guardian mask on whilst around Adrian.

"as long as your happy, I will be happy" he sighed and lend his head on top of mine

"I will always love you my lil Dhampir" he whispered as he kissed my head

"as will I, Adrian" I sighed and closed my eyes to try and burn this moment into my mind, I never wanted to forget how I felt at this moment in time. Loved, happy, free and most of all I felt wanted.

I pulled back to look at him, I wanted to tell him how much I would always need him but the dream started to fade, I smiled and waited to be pulled back into the real word but not before I herd his finale words "forever and always my lil Dhampir, forever and always".


	9. Chapter 8

I woke up feeling happy and refreshed, I had missed my dream when Adrian came to visit me. I jumped in the shower and got dressed just in time to here my mother calling me for breakfast.

When I walked into the kitchen I saw my mother and Yeva sitting down whilst my father stood with open arms to me with a huge smile on his face

"hello, dear" he whispered, I grinned "hello old man" he pulled me into his arms and kissed my head, I had missed this man, he may not have been there for me my whole life he was now a huge part of it. We sat down for breakfast talking the whole time, we talked about my time here and the battle yesterday and how I was dealing being back, the old man knew everything about what happened and why I ran away, lets say he wasn't pleased he wanted to get a hit man to 'knock off' Dimitri and Lisa, but my mother had calmed him down and reminded him that Lisa was the last of her line.

We continued to talk, there was a knock at the door my dad went to answer it returning a few moments later with a letter for me

"hey hun, got a letter for you" he smiled and handed it to me

I carefully peeled open the side and a piece of paper fell out

_' Dear lil Dhampir_

_I am so glad we had our talk last night, I wanted to come and see you today but I have been called away on business. Myself, Claire and Andrew will be in Paris for the next 3 weeks._

_I promise to visit you in your dreams and as soon as work is settled down we will come to Russia for a vacation and see you_

_All my love, forever and always_

_Adrian '_

I smiled and folded the paper, my mother, father and Yeva had continued to talk with out. I was glad to have Adrian back in my life he was like the brother I never got.

The old man ran off to get something from his bag and returned with my birthday gift, I opened the box to find a silver chain with a locket on the end, I opened it up and inside was a picture, of him, my mother and me when I was around 2 years old, I felt tears running down my checks "thank you" I whispered through my tears. My mother gave me her gift, I opened it to find a silver stake, around the top it had an engraving 'Hathaway, the greatest of the strong, I love you Rose … Mom' I kissed her and thanked her, she never knew how much saying she loved me meant to me, I had always wanted a closer relationship with my mom and it seemed when I ran away I got that along with, a relationship with my father and a whole new family.

Once we finished breakfast I told them I was off to the gym to train, I changed into my old joggers and sports bra, it had very thin straps on the back so most of my Molniji marks were visible, my mother smiled when she saw them, she was proud of my skills, she told me I was a great guardian, when we had first left court my mother contacted Abe and he had pulled some strings and got me assigned as Christian which was perfect considering I was with him most of my time any way and it meant I could stay were I was with out being dragged off to protect someone else.

I made my way over to the gym and pushed open the doors, I tossed my bag to one side and started practising my aim, I was to absorbed in my training to notice people entering the gym, I spun around and saw 4 young guardians standing watching me, I stood still and nodded my head. They smiled and walked towards me a tale male was the first to speak

"my name is Ben, this is Steve, Ashili and Megan they each waved as their name was said

"I'm Guardian Rose Belikov Hathaway" I smiled "we know who you are" Megan laughed

"we watched you yesterday kill the strigoi mainly on your own, you and your mother are quite a pair" Ashili gushed, I laughed and thanked them, they asked if I would like to stay and spar with them but I told them I was needed else where but maybe another time.

I turned to grab my bag when I heard their gasps, I span around looking for the danger until I realised there was no danger they had seen my tattoos was all

"how many Molniji marks do you have ?" Ben muttered his eyes never left my side where the marks were still visible, I looked away before answering

"I have 387 kill marks and 3 battle stars but I will be receiving 32 more kill marks and another battle star" I muttered hiding my face, I did not like when people asked about my marks, it made me feel like a freak for being the way I am, they seemed to see the glorying in my marks, when there was none in killing, I only continued to get the marks to honour the traditions of my people.

They continued to stare at me with shocked looks on their faces

"that's amazing, I would love to be that good" Steve finally spoke, I turned to face him a death glare on my face "you do not wish to be this good, death is not something you should be happy about it it still taking a life, and there is no glory in that" I snapped, his face drained of blood, I did not have much respect for that boy after that, I turned and left them standing starring after me.

I stood outside and let the cool air wash over me, I started walking towards home trying to forget about my anger and calm down , and it was working until I felt her behind me before she even spoke

"Rose ?" she whispered so low I nearly missed it, I turned round to face the girl that I wished I had never seen again, I bowed my head "Princess, is there something I may do for you ?" I asked with my guardian mask in place, I felt my heart bleeding in my chest as the pain pounding from it, but I hide it from her and kept my emotions in control, she seemed hurt by my formal reply but she continued to speak

"Rose, how dare you ignore me yesterday, what happened was 3 years ago, have you not grown up at all, I have forgiven you, you should forgive me"

was she fucking serious I had to laugh at this and when I say laugh I mean full on holding my sides laughing, however whilst doing this I had let my control slip and had moved a little closer to her

"I did nothing to be forgiven for, your the one who couldn't keep her legs closed and shagged anything that moved, you know I have moved on with my life you should to, Christian was saved the day he fucking left you, you would have sucked the life out of him, now he is happy and getting married, with a baby girl on the way" I took a deep breath and continued

"you are such a childish little fucking bitch, you need to grow up and learn that the world does not fucking revolve around you"

and with that statement I turned to leave but before I could get very far she said something that pushed my control to fair and I snapped

"well Dimitri didn't complain when he was fucking me, and when we laughed about how he had you under his thumb" she muttered, I turned and lunged at her she didn't have time to move before I had her pinned to the ground, my fist came down and connected with her jaw before I could stop it, I had just cracked her jaw, a Moroi's jaw, a god damn fucking royal Moroi princess, I was so going to get in some deep shit for this but I didn't care she deserved it.

I stood up and picked my bag off the floor but she had hurt me and I said something I knew I would regret "well Christian was moaning my fucking name when we left" I laughed but it was cold and evil and turned to leave, I left the princess lying on the cold floor holding her jaw and crying and I felt fucking amazing.

Walking back to the house I slowly started to regret everything that had just happened, I knew that it would be hard seeing Lisa again but I didn't think she would be so different, the Lisa I had once loved like a sister would never have acted like that but then again, she hadn't been that Lisa in a long time, not since she betrayed me, so maybe I never really knew the real Lisa, maybe this was her.

I walked through the door and throw my bag on the floor, walking into the kitchen I could hear my mom, Yeva and the old man talking, they were talking about there plans to come stay in Russia for a few days, they all gasped when they say me, most likely my hand which was bruised and bloody.

My mother jumped up and quickly walked towards me, worry written all over her face, she grabbed a wet towel wrapping it around my hand "what happened ?" the old man smirked, I sat down beside him and sipped at some water "I broke Lisa's jaw" I muttered my mother gasped, Yeva shock her head but the best reaction by far was my fathers, who fell of his stool as he laughed his ass off, he was lying on the floor laughing when my mother kicked him "this is not funny" she snapped, I looked at him and he was crying, he sat up tears rolled down his face "explain why ?" my mother snapped, so I told them everything that happened and how I hit her

"if I am honest if felt fucking good, I finally got to do since she seduced the love of my life" I whispered in a broken voice, I felt my father wrap his arm around my shoulders and lean in close so he could whisper in my ear

"I'm proud of you, love" his voice was filled with love

"how cane you say that she broke a Moroi's jaw" my mother growled at him

"yes and we are lucky that's all she did, she could have killed her easily and we all know that" he growled back, my mother and Yeva seemed to agree with him and nodded, Yeva gave me a sad smiled.

I had gone to take a nap a few a hours ago, Yeva came to wake me up "Angel you father has been called away and your mother had to go do work, they said they would not be back in time for dinner, so I am going to sleep until we leave for the plane" I nodded and sat up

I went down stairs and sat on the couch watching a film, I was wrapped up in the blanket with a cup of tea, when someone knocked at the door, I couldn't be bothered to move so I called for them to come in, I was lying watching Titanic, it was up to the bit when they are dancing on the boat and he is spinning her around.

However was at the door came in and stood at the bottom of the couch, I lifted my gaze to them to be completely and utterly taken back, standing at the bottom of the couch was my Russian God. He looked magnificent, his long brown hair hung around his face, his eyes burning pits of emotion and his full lips pulled into a think line. He was wearing jeans and a black tee, his arms were at his sides, and he was starring at me.

My heart was pounding in my chest, I felt like I couldn't breath I was going to be sick, but I couldn't move my body was locked, my mouth was dry and my palms were sweating.

I longed to go and hold him and press my lips to his, to feel his arms around me and his break against my skin, but them my mind started screaming at me

he fucking broke your heart...think about the pain...your best friend

Suddenly my body caught up with mind mind and I was angry that he would show up here

"why are you here ?" I snapped, there was more venom in my voice then I had intended but I couldn't back down now, he was taken back by my tone, and he looked nerves

"Roza, I wanted to apologise" he whispered I started to laughed

"I don't want you apology Dimitri, I want nothing from you" I could feel my heart screaming at me to stop, but my mind was in control and I wanted him to suffer like I had.

I stood up and faced him, the moment I did I regretted it I could feel his eyes on my body, I still had my night ware on, I thin silk dress that stopped at the top of my thighs and showed my breasts, his gaze travelled my body and lust crossed his face along with passion, longing and love but then when his gaze met mine id changed to pain, sadness and regret.

"I heard that you broke Lisa's jaw" he muttered I was angry that he would even mention her name to me

"she deserved it, she was being childish and petty" I snapped he looked amused

"and breaking her jaw wasn't childish ?" he smiled but I could not being nice and friendly around him, my pain was all I felt, he could tell I was not playing with him and changed the subject

"Roza, I have never loved any one but you" he whispered

I felt the burning urge to tell him that I loved him also but fought against it

"did you sleep with her ?" I asked, he looked at me and shock his head

"that night was nothing but kissing and a bit holding" he muttered, he looked down ashamed but then something else crossed his face, guilt and this was a new guilt

"have you ever slept with her before or after that night ?"

I asked my mind and body were both now terrified of the answer, he didn't answer me and I snapped at him

"answer me"

He nodded and my heart broke all over again, when he had said he never loved no one but me and that they had not slept together that night I had let my self hope that they had not slept together and that the betrayal was not as deep as I thought, but it was just wasted hope because he had slept with her and my heart now had nothing to hope for, it was now completely broken and the each piece was breaking.

"yes, Roza, we did" he whispered to confirm his answer

"when ?" I muttered I felt tear roll down my check

"Roza please s.." I cut him off and shouted at him, I scared my self the sound of my voice was scared and fierce

"WHEN ?"

I could not bring my self to look in his eyes when he spoke, if I had been I would have broken down by his next word

"both" he whispered so low, I was unsure I heard

"what ?" I sobbed

"we slept together twice" he muttered

I could take no more, so he claimed to love me and that he had only ever loved me, and yet he had slept with my best friend twice, I had known something was going on with them before we left but I had though that it had only been that one night they had already slept together and my absence hadn't effected them at all as they had gone on to sleep together again after that, I knew know that I was not capable of forgiving them, I don't know if I ever would be.

He had continued talking when I was thinking I tuned in and listened to him speak

"Roza, please she meant nothing, I was confused and I felt alone, then when you left I was distraught and I just needed to feel numb, you are all I have ever cared for, I need you and I will not stop until you have forgiven me and I hold you in my arms"

he seemed to think that their was hope that I would once again love him and be with him, but he didn't understand I had no heart left to break and so my soul was breaking instead.

"get out" I muttered he just looked at me "get out" I repeated

"Roza"

"GET OUT NOW" I snapped he stood and left

and like I have done so many times in the past I cried myself to sleep thinking of the man I loved, how I hated him more than any person on this planet, how much I wished to simply sleep and never awake to feel the pain he has caused to see myself as the broken girl I am now, because of my Russian God.


	10. Chapter 9

It has been a few weeks since we returned home and I was slowly starting to get a little better, I didn't cry as much and I was starting to smile a lot more.

Yeva had woken me up when it was time to leave for the plane, she had already packed all my things and lay some clothes out for me, I had taken a quick shower and we left. As we drove away I thought of how this was the second time I was leaving this place with no proper goodbye to my friends I just hoped they understood.

The plane ride was quite I slept or sat and cried as Yeva held me, but it wasn't helping it still felt as alone and heart-broken all the same.

When we finally arrived home Christian was waiting on the steps for me, I had ran into his arms and sobbed for a hours until finally falling asleep. Whilst I slept Yeva had explained everything to them so that I would not have to.

Myself and Yeva went back to our routine of having our nightly tea on the porch, under the beautiful night sky, and it slowly started to feel like I would survive.

_(flashback)_

_I sat down beside her and she wrapped the blanket around my shoulders, I handed her a cup and smiled_

_"Grandmother I'm so sorry, I have ruined the past few days for you" I whispered_

_"never angel, do not be sorry I would travel around the world and back if it stopped you from feeling pain" she smiled I kissed her check_

_"I have never been happier than being here with you and your family"_

_she laughed "Angel their your family also" I nodded and lay hung my head back looking at the night sky_

_"its so beautiful" I whispered Yeva agreed and we sat just basking in the beauty of the night until we finished our tea and retired to bed._

_(end flashback)_

Soon I was playing and fighting with Christian like normal and I appeared to be better, but at night was worst, the nightmares that came every night got worse with time, it was the same dream over and over again, it would be of the two of them kissing and laughing as I lay bleeding on the ground, I would be dyeing and they would laugh and taunt me. Every night I woke up screaming and tears running down my face, the first few times Christian had come to help me but I had told him not to come any more there was nothing he could do to make them stop. Every time I would sit and have tea with Yeva at night and she would say, a cup of tea and a beautiful view before we slept in case in is out last night, and every night I would think the same thing … I wish it was mine.

It was 5 weeks after we arrived back home that Karolina went into labour at 3 o'clock in the morning, it was a beautiful night for Anton Belikov to be born.

She had started shouting 'some one get in here, he's on his way out' she had called through the house we had all ran into her room to find her lying on the bed reddy to start pushing. Christian called the doc but she was to far gone and Yeva delivered the baby with all the women of the family in the room, it was the most beautiful and most fucking terrifying thing I had witnessed but after an hour of pushing, Anton was wrapped up and laid in Karolina's arms, she had smiled down at the boy and whispered "welcome to the world, baby" she handed him to for me to hold while she got cleaned up and her bedding was changed, I sat in the chair in the corner of the room, watching this little creature sleep, he was beautiful, tiny fingers and toes, and his little tongue kept pushing out his mouth, he opened his eyes and as most of the Belikov family he had stunning brown eyes.

I was so fascinated by him, I did not realise that Karolina had returned and they were all watching me, I smiled up "he's amazing" I smiled I handed him back to him mother and we left her to bond with her child, after what I had just witness I could not sleep so I sat outside with the blanket and a cup of tea, it was maybe 5 minutes before Yeva, Viki and Paul joined me, we all sat the the seat and huddled together, Paul soon fell asleep against my shoulder, he had left his mother with his baby brother so that she could feed him and then rest.

Watching Karolina give birth had shown me that life has meaning, holding that little baby seeing his tiny body and fragile limbs I had felt something inside me jump, my heart and felt numb ever since I return from the courts but now I felt a new spark burning away.

We didn't have to wait long for the second baby in the house to be born, 3 weeks after Karolina gave birth, myself, Viki and Christian were at home everyone else had travelled to a town about 3 hours from here to visit a family friend, I had stayed behind to help Viki and Christian.

We were sitting watching tv, when Viki stood up "anyone want tea" she smiled down at us, I nodded and Christian offered to do it but she shock her head and kissed him

"I'm not due for another few weeks" she muttered and waddled off to the kitchen

We continued watching tv, when I heard her gasp and let out a cry, I was up and moving before Christian had even turned to look, I needed to make sure she was ok, I ran into the kitchen and froze

She was leaning against the counter top panting for breath, my eyes noticed the water on the floor, I started looking for any broken glass that she had dropped but then I realised what was happening, she was breathing in a steady pace like we had been practising 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 always remembering in through the nose out through the mouth.

I moved closer and gasped "oh my god" I whispered and Christian who was standing behind me looked worried "ok Christian you need to get Viki up stairs and on a comfy bed" I snapped he followed my orders and helped Viki walk, I grabbed a bowl of warm water and lots of towels then followed then upstairs grabbing the phone on the way, I placed the bowels and towels down and started to dial Yeva

it was only a few seconds until she answered but it felt like hours, then she finally picked up

"oh thank god, grandma Viki's in labour her water broke about 10 minutes ago" I was getting nerves

"its ok angel, get Christian to phone the doctor, and ask Viki how far apart her contractions are" she was so calm

I told Christian and he ran down stairs to phone,

"Viki how far apart are your contractions ?" my hand was shaking, I was scared the baby wasn't due for over a month, and it was coming early, she was gasping for air, in short pants

"every 3 minutes" she muttered I repeated this to Yeva

"ok, Angel listen to me if doc can't get there you are going to have to deliver the baby, I will walk you through it" now I was really panicking

"Yeva I can't do this" I whispered so not to to scare Viki

but before she could answer me Viki started screaming, Christian was back at her side holding her had and whispering things like, how proud he was, she was doing great, just small things trying to calm her she gave him a small smile ad turned to me

"Rose I need to push, get here now" she snapped I started shaking my head and was about to speak

"Rose if you don't get your ass over here I'm gorna kill you" she was angry and she she meant it.

I had to do this, this baby needed to come out and I was the only one who could do this, I remembered that when Karolina gave birth Olena had sat behind her

"Christian, sit behind her with her back against your chest" my voice was a little shaky but he listened and did as I asked, once I was ready I lifted her gown above her knees, I gasped "oh I can see her" I whispered I lifted the phone to my ear "Yeva" I whispered

"I'm here" she spoke

"ok, were in place and I can see the head, should she start and push now ?" I was talking quick to ensure we did this with as little distress to the baby, I handed the phone to Christian "tell me everything she says" I muttered he nodded and began speaking

"ok, baby she said to push" he whispered to Viki, she started pushing with every contraction, and slowly the baby came out, I placed my hand under it to support its head, Christian seemed panicked "Rose the phone cut off" he muttered I looked at his face she was scared I needed to be in control and they needed me to stay calm

"I think we will be ok, the baby should be out in the next push" he nodded and gripped Viki's hand "push" I muttered and with this push the baby was out, I used the clip and scissors to tie the cord and cut it, When Anton was born he had cried by now, Viki noticed this two, I placed the baby on the blanket I lay on the bed, she was small, and he skin was turning blue, Viki started to scream, and Christian was sobbing, she lunged forward towards the baby "keep her still" I snapped at Christian

"my baby, no, she can't be" she screamed over and over again, but I paid little attention to her I started working on the baby, my instincts took over I breathed short breaths into the babies mouth, and softy pushed onto her chest, I felt tears running down my face, but she lay there motionless, Viki and Christian were sobbing, I heard Christian whisper my name and I tried over and over again to bring life back to his little girl, but her chest raised and fell but still no breathing,

I continued to work on, the phone rang and Christian answered he sobbed into the phone

"Yeva, she's blue and cold, Rose it trying to get her to breath but she can't" he sobbed, I had never felt my heart ache so much in my life, here this tiny little girl was in my hands and yet she was unable to fight, she needed to fight

"come on, baby fight" I whispered as I pushed her chest

"come on, baby fight" again

"come on, baby fight" I willed it to happen over and over I whispered it but she seemed to be gone, I was about to give up when I felt the tiny spark jolt in her body,

"that's it girl, come on breath, come on breath" I felt my breath get sharper and I could see that Christian was hiding Viki's face in his chest his eyes were closed, they were paying no attention to me, they were morning their little girl.

Again I felt the spark but this time it was stronger than before, then I saw the most gentle light around her body, I thought my mind was playing tricks on me until I heard Christian gasp "oh sweet lord" he muttered Viki turned to look at her baby and saw the light also, I knew I had to keep trying, it had been nearly 10 minutes but the light gave me hope, I felt like I could bend and curve it and it moved with each of my movements, it was then I notice the light was flowing from me, my finger tips were releasing the light into her body

"One more baby girl, come on" I whispered then breathed one last breath into her body, pushed on her chest, again it raised and fell but then I heard the sharp piercing sound of her lungs, as she gasped and then cried, my heart burst and tears fell from my eyes, I picked her up and washed her down, I could hear Christian's and Viki's sobs behind me but hey were tears of joy no longer pain.

Once she was clean I wrapped her in a clean blanket and turned to face them, I looked down at my niece once more her eyes were wide open, they were the most bluest eyes I have ever seen, she was beautiful, I handed her to Viki, who kissed her forehead, Christian hugged me and kissed my hands

"you brought her back to me, I can never thank you enough" he smiled I nodded I was confused and scared what ever had flowed from me had brought her back, but looking at her in her mother's arms, I knew she would be ok, Christian joined his love and they sat and gazed at their baby.

I walked from the room to give them some privacy, I was going down stairs to make some tea but didn't make it that fair I was near the stairs, when I screamed with the last of my breath as a pain like none other ripped through my chest, and then I was gone into the darkness.


	11. Chapter 10

Everything was black, I couldn't see, hear, smell or feel anything, and yet I knew I should be confused and worried but I felt relaxed and soothed. My body felt like it was floating, I did know how long I had been here it could have been minutes or years and yet I just didn't care, I wonder if I'm died maybe this was the after life for our kind. I remembered my name is Rose and that I have a family, but I just couldn't remember there names, I know they love me but I didn't know why they did or for how long they have. I could sense my body but could feel it, its like I know it should be there but I just could understand where is was that it was meant to be, maybe this is what it feels like to go crazy... if it was I was finding it amazing, I felt free and powerful. So instead of worrying I just continued to float enjoying this feeling.

My mind felt tense and I was alert, a sound was getting stronger and becoming clear some one was calling my name, I saw a light but it was very faint and it made me feel fear and panic.

Then I saw the someone I never fought I would see again... Mason.

He looked beautiful, his skin was not translucence as it had been when I saw him as a goats, he seemed happy to see me and I felt my body getting pulled closer to the light, then everything went bright and I could see, my eyes stung and I felt tears run down my check, but then I felt a hand against my check and opened my eyes to see the smiling face of Mason, I wrapped my arms around him and laughed

"Mason, I never thought I would see you again, I thought you had moved on ?" I whispered he kissed my forehead and smiled

"I have moved on Rose, I'm in the after life for us" he kept his voice low and for the first time I saw others around us they were just walking by us, they didn't seem to notice a crying girl sitting on the ground with a young man holding her, they just smiled nodded and kept on walking, they were all beautiful and happy , I gasped for the first time I saw my surroundings, we were in a garden it was beautiful, everything was bright and gave the feeling of warmth and love. Flower,s grew all over, roses, tulips, sunflowers, every flower I could imagine, there were benches everywhere and people sat and chatted, couples kissed and held hands. There was trees with fruit growing from them and people sat eating the fruit that they plucked from the tree's. I was smiling, I could see in the distance that there were houses and cottage's.

I turned to face Mason "am I dead ?" I muttered so low I didn't think he heard me, I was scared to ask louder in case my voice broke he shock his head

"no, Rose you are able to come and go as you please, that's your gift as a shadow-kissed warrior" he seemed amused by this but then fear crossed his face

"Rose you are free to come and go but I warn you do not do it often, as this place will sink into you and at some point you will not want to leave, this place is designed to make you feel loved and welcome, can you feel it ?" I nodded and waited for him to continue

"What you did for the child, is a gift also, but it will drain you of power when done, you can weld life and death, you can control what comes and goes, but again do not use it often as it is addictive" he stood and held his hand out to me

"there's some one I would like you to meet " he smiled I followed him, we walked along the side of a river, its water was clear and started sparkling, in the sun's glow. There was people doing the same as us. As we walked we talked about everything we had missed, the first thing Mason asked was

"so hows Lisa ?" I smiled but then his face froze when I felt tears running down my check, he wrapped his arm around me

"what's happened Rose ?" he whispered

"well after we saved Dimitri, I assume you know about that" he nodded and I continued

"well, she and Dimitri started getting real close and one night I was sucked in the bond and I saw her making out with him. Then I found out she had slept with him behind my back. So myself and Christian left and when I saw her after 3 years she was a real bitch" I sobbed and we continued walking, he was quite for awhile

"I cant believe she would do that to you" I muttered I nodded and smiled

"anyway how have you been, Mason ?" he laughed

"same old Rose, always changing the subject, well I've been great its wonderful here, I live with my Nana she died when I was 7, also I have friends here, its good and don't be sorry for me I'm happy here, and do not say your not I can see it on your face" he laughed I couldn't help but laugh with him

"was the baby girl you saved, Christian's daughter ?" he smiled I nodded and felt a tear run down my check

"do you know if she is safe ?" I asked he wrapped his arm around me

"you gave her life, she was in this world I held her in my arms but then I felt you pull against her, she didn't want to leave she was scared but I told her that she was going to meet her Aunt Rose, and that you would love her more than anything" he smiled I could talk for a few moments, she had been here, he had held her and kept her safe and I had pulled her from the world of the dead and sucked her into her life.

We walked up to a small cottage, it was white and had amazing flower growing, in the middle of the garden a women was tending her flowers she stood and smiled at me "Rose, I have waited a long time for you" her smile felt familiar but I could not remember if I had known her or not

"come inside" she smiled I held Mason's hand as we followed her into a small kitchen we at at the round table, my heart was beating to fast I was nerves and scared and yet I felt safe being with her.

"What's your name ?" I smiled

"you know me, my name is Anna" she gave me a few minutes until it clicked it took everything I had not to faint

"your shadow kissed like me, you were St. Vladimir's guardian" I muttered she nodded.

I couldn't think my mind was reeling with questions, and I needed answered she saw this I'm my face

"now would be the time to ask me anything you wish, don't worry you can always come back and visit me if more question a rise, or you can call me to you" she smiled

"what happened to you and St. Vladimir ?" I muttered I wasn't sure if I should ask this question first but I needed to know, she looked down and was lost in her thoughts

"I died when we were young, he was my friend and he saved me, but when I came back we were different, the more he used spirit the darkness in him would grow but I would pull it from him and into myself, at times it would drive me crazy, but then I learned to use the darkness and help me fight. But one day Vladimir was ill, and he slit his wrists I tried to bring him back but it wouldn't work then I saw the light come from me into him and his wounds healed in front of me, but then I woke up in the darkness, and was pulled here, I came here often and loved it more each time I came, Vladimir lived until a old age but when he passed I lost a part of my self, I could live without him, so I came here to find him, and I never left, I watch the living world and I have been watching over you from he moment you were bonded with Lisa" she smiled I must have looked confused as she paused to get some tea for us, we sat and drank in silence until I found my voice

"did you find him ?" I whispered she nodded and smiled I felt a small smile creep into the corners of my lips.

It was nice that everything they went through in life that they could be together here, and they were happy and safe, which was very different from there living lives.

"How did I heal the baby ?" I was starting to feel more confident

"since we are neither in the living world or the world of the dead, we can travel both that means we can also control both, but be careful, it will drain you each time you do that" I nodded to show I understood

"I'm not sure I wish to do it again after the pain I felt before I was sucked into the darkness" I whispered remembering the pain I placed my hand on my chest and sighed

"it will not feel like that, each time you come here it hurts less and you become accustomed to splitting from your body"

I looked at her and for the first time I saw how beautiful she was, long brown hair, and dark brown eyes, but she had a scar down her left check that seemed sore and new, she must have gotten it before she died as I couldn't imagine being able to get a wound like that in a place like this. She has a very slim body but still had curves, she had great boobs, they were smaller than mine but looked great, her hands were ruff and scared from all the years of battling, she had a very kind smile but I knew she could be aggressive and deadly she had been the greatest warrior of her time and maybe even mine, my mother had once compared me to her saying we were both free willed spirits that made me smile.

"Rose, you are changing, its been a long time since I went through it but I do remember that you will feel alone and scared but you need to fight myself, Vladimir and Mason will be here to help. Be strong" she smiled

"thank you, but how am I meant to know what to do, I feel confused most of the time" I whispered

she laughed "there will always be times when you feel confused, but you just keep going, trust you instinct, we shadow kissed have very good instincts and they will not lead you wrong" she turned to Mason and nodded he left the room and she turned to me

"I have been watching you Rose, I have seen everything wrong that has been done to you, but you need to forgive them" she whispered "you will need them again and soon, but you can not need them when you still hate, you need to fight and decide if you can forgive them once and for all" I started to cry

"I don't think I can, after they broke my heart I have never felt right there has always been some thing missing" I sobbed she held my hand and smiled

"you now myself and Vladimir were not just friends we were lover's" I gasped I had never thought of them that way

"once along time ago, but betrayed my heart and made love with another women, and I will admit it took everything I had not to kill him" she giggled "but I learned to forgive him and it was the best thing I did, I did not realise how much I loved him until that day, I couldn't let love like that just waste" she had kept hold of my hand and was now looking down at them, she laughed

"we are so alike, I sometimes wonder if I had a child and then forgot, you are so much like the child I always wanted" I saw tear in her eye, I wiped it away

"why did you never have a child ?" I whispered

"we did, Vladimir and I but he was still born, this was before I had healed Vladimir so I didn't know I could heal and the doctor had taken him straight away we never got the chance to see him" she now was sobbing, I stood and wrapped my arms around her, I remained silent until she had stopped then I took my seat

"did you never find him, here I mean ?" I smiled she shock her head "we didn't know what he looked like" she whispered

"well maybe you will, I mean no one can die here so you have a long time, to try, I could help but I'm not sure how" I laughed to my surprise she laughed as well.

"We buried him in my home town, in England, you will be going there soon, I have something there you need to find" she smiled I was about to ask her more but she held up her hand

I felt like I was floating, my hands were shaking I looked at Anna, for help she smiled and nodded "you are going home, I will see you soon" she smiled and then I remember being ripped through the darkness I heard Mason whisper come back into the room and whisper to me "call for me and ill come" before I felt myself in my body once again.


	12. Chapter 11

I could hears someone's steady breathing beside me and smiled, I would know his breathing patterns anywhere, I had spent so many nights wrapped in his arms. Christian was lying beside me on my bed with his arms draped across my stomach, I turned a little trying not to wake him and kissed his forehead. I didn't know who long I have lay here asleep but my body was now awake and I needed to pee like a pregnant women, I managed to wiggle out of his arms without waking him and tip toed to the bath room even thought my legs were shaky, after a few attempts they started to work. One finished I quickly got changed into some baggy joggers and a top and made my way downstairs it was dark outside, so I assumed everyone was still asleep, however when I got to the kitchen I noticed their was candles lit outside and knew Yeva would be out there.

I made some teas and grabbed the the blanket and walked out into the night air, it felt amazing against my skin, Yeva was sitting just looking out over the mountains, she seemed lost in her thoughts and didn't even notice me coming out to join her until I had already placed the blanket around our shoulders and was handing her a mug of tea.

She leaned away so she could look into my eyes "Rose, am I dreaming ?" she muttered, a look of pure confusion crossed her face I smiled and shock my head

"Yeva, I know you call me your little angel but surely you can't believe I would actually be an angel with my bad attitude" I laughed and I felt her relax a little.

"what happened my angel, we came home to find you asleep and Christian was sobbing about you giving your life for his little girl" she whispered I couldn't help but smile, I had saved her and she was healthy

"Yeva, I brought her back and it drained me I just needed to rest" she still seemed afraid she was dreaming I held her hand

"Yeva what is wrong ?" she didn't look at me but I heard her sigh

"I thought I had lost you, you've been asleep for so long" a single tear ran down her check, I was confused I hadn't been away that long, I was only with Mason and Anna for maybe 2 hours is not less

"how long have I been gone ?" I whispered a little worried to know the answer

"its just gone 6 months" I felt my head spinning I couldn't have been gone that long it wasn't possible, I remembered Mason's last words 'call for me and ill come' I stood up and walked down the garden path and stood at the gate, I was feeling a little light headed and needed to sit

I could feel Yeva watching me, her gaze filled with curiosity, there was a lot of commotion going on in the house, shouting and banging, but I pushed all that aside and focused on Mason

"Mason come to me and explain what the fuck happened" I snapped, he didn't come I stood up this time

"Mason, get your ass here now, do not make me come and get you" this time he did come with a smirk on his face, he was trying to hard to contain his laugher

"nice to see you haven't changed" he laughed, I heard Yeva gasp and turned to look at her, I held my hand out and she slowly came towards me

"Roza, who is that ?" she asked in a shaky voice, her eyes never leaving Mason

"Grandmother this is my close friend Mason, he's dead" I whispered she nodded and smiled a little

"hello Mason" she whispered

I turned back to face my old friend and glared

"care to explain how the fuck I have been gone for 6 months, I was only with you and Anna for maybe 2 hours" I snapped, my head was spinning and I wanted answered

"yes Rose you were with us for only a few hours but it had taken me 6 months to get you to see me in the darkness, you were enjoying the peace a little to much" he laughed and I had to agree, I had.

"ok so now I'm back what am I meant to do ?" I whispered, I didn't feel like I was meant to be here and I wanted to go back to the place of the dead, it was beautiful and welcoming, I didn't feel pain there and my heart felt safe and whole but now I was back in my body and it was breaking, I felt empty.

He knelt down beside me and smiled, his hand leaned against my check I expected it to go through but it didn't I could feel the heat and texture of his hand

"you live and fight, myself and Anna will be here with you always, also there is something you must find, it will help you with the gifts and will show you how to call and come to us, without threatening our lives" he laughed, he turned to face Yeva and smiled

"your a wise women I can tell, but this is something you can not know until the time is right, I am sure with your dreams you understand" she nodded, kissed my check and went and ushered the family inside

"now, there is a book you will need, Anna wrote it and Vladimir helped it will make life for you a little easier, I have already left you with its destination, it is in your room. Rose it is important no one knows what it is you are looking for until you have it, it is very dangerous in others hands"

I nodded to show I understood and he smiled

"now can I leave and 'rest in peace' I'm tired" he laughed and started to fade

"Mason wait if I call when I need you will you come ?" I muttered I needed to know that someone would not betray me and leave

"yes, and if I can not I will send Anna or Vlad" he whispered and was gone

so now I had to leave my family and go find this book, I hated the idea and yet I could feel the urgency in his words it was dangerous in the wrong hands so I better find it first.

I stood and slowly walked inside to find my family waiting for me in the living room, as soon as I closed the door and stepped in I was wrapped in Christian's arms

"I've missed you sexy" he whispered, I kissed his check and smiled as he set me back on my feet my body felt stiff and unused

"me too" I smiled, he returned to sitting beside Viki and I noticed the little girl she held in her arms, I did not ask who she was I already knew, I knelt down in front of her and smiled, she was beautiful a true image of Christian.

We continued to hole each other's gaze, I held my hand up palm facing her and she did the same, or hands met in the middle and I felt the same electricity I had used to save her run back into my body, I laughed she looked a little stunned and a little scared, I kissed her check

"do not worry, I just took what was left, you don't need it any more" I smiled and stood but but she held her hands out to me and whined, everyone was sitting watching us very confused but I didn't care, I picked her up and placed her on my hip

"Roza" she smiled and everyone gasped, apart from me I just laughed

"Mason told you I'd come back" I smiled and she started clapping her hands together so show her excitement.

"he says hello" I muttered and handed her back to Viki, who sat smiling at me 'thank you' she mouthed, I nodded and went to sit down but before I could reach the chair my body was pushed to the floor by Pail, I felt the ache run through me as my body hit the hard floor "son of a bitch" I shouted as I turned over, but then I saw Paul sitting on top of me with tears in his eyes

"I'm sorry Flower, I didn't mean to hurt you" I pulled him down and kissed him

"don't worry, I'm just a bit sore" I lied to be honest I was in a lot of pain, my chest was tight and when I breathed it hurt like hell, but he didn't need to know that, I smiled and nodded

he helped me onto my feet and I sat down in the chair, I moved along so he could sit with me, once he was sitting in his usual spot and had hugged himself into my side his head resting on my shoulder, I smiled and looked around the room, my whole family watching me with worried looks

"I'm not gorna sleep again, stop worrying" I gasped in between laughs they looked around nerves that they had been so rude but more that they had been caught, Yeva was the first to ask a question

"Angel where were you ?" he voice was filled with pain

I sat back into the chair and closed my eyes, just thinking of the world of the dead everything there

was amazing, the colour, the smell the feeling, I satisfied sigh escaped my lips and I smiled

"world of the dead" I muttered

"what ?" Christian snapped

"the place we go when we die, the world of the dead" I smiled

"what was it like ?" Yeva whispered she sounded almost scared to ask

"Oh, its beautiful, everything is bright and new, the smells and taste are like nothing you can experience in life and every one is there"

I could feel their eyes on me and I smiled, but I didn't opened them to look around and maybe if I had what happened next might not have knocked the air out of me

"Roza" he whispered so low, I almost missed it and I so wish I had

and my happy littler moment slipped away and I was once again reminded that I was in my body now and I could feel all the pain it had stored in it. My heart was burning in my chest at the sound of his voice, because standing at the side of the room was the one and only. Dimitri, my Russian God.

I was about to speak when I was lifted up of my feet into his arms, he held me against his chest and I was having a hard time breathing but I had no emotion to compare to what I was feeling right about now, love, hate, longing, passion, fear, betrayal etc.

I hadn't even noticed that he was in the room, and he had been here the whole time I really must have been out of it. His body felt amazing against mine all I wanted was to wrap my arms around his neck and never let go but again the pain and memories kept me in reality

"Dimitri put me down" I gasped, he obeyed and placed me on my feet, I couldn't look at his eyes or I would break so I turned from him and sat down, Paul crawled back to me and curled against my side. Dimitri noticed my distance and went to stand beside Yeva, she whispered to him and he nodded.

"what happened whilst you where there ?" Viki smiled, she noticed that I was uncomfortable and was changing the subject I smiled back

"I saw Mason again, he pulled me from the darkness and showed me where Anna lived, she is the other shadow-kissed we know of, I read about her when I was back at the academy we sat and talked and then I came back" I gave them a very quick replay as I didn't feel in the mood to talk much now.

Paul had fallen asleep against me and he started to stir, I moved him into my arms and stood up

"where is he sleeping ?" I smiled at Yeva

"well he usually sleeps in your room with you now" she laughed I simply nodded, if that was where he was comfortable then he would stay there, I slowly carried him to my room and tucked him in the blankets

"love you Flower" I whispered still half asleep, I laughed and kissed his forehead

"you to Pot" I muttered and returned downstairs

The family was starting to go their own way, I walked into the kitchen and put the kettle on I felt Yeva follow me "Yeva are you joining me tonight ?" I smiled but she shock her head and sighed

"not tonight dear, been along 6 months and this old lady needs a good nights sleep" she laughed, kissed me and headed to bed.

I grabbed the blanket and headed outside with my mug of tea, the night was calm and quite warm, I had missed this, nothing was like having these few minutes a night where I felt completely free of everything pain and worry I had, I was able to just live.

The view here truly was beautiful, I had forgotten how much I loved it, the mountains with their snow tipped tops, the dark shadows they cast upon the grass below but what I loved most of all was when I the moon has slowly raised from behind them casting light to spread out across them, it was breath taken. A view like this is what makes this world an amazing place to be, but to find a place like this you have to live and open your eyes and look for it.

I had been so fascinated by my thoughts I had not heard someone join me but I smelt his aftershave and sighed, why was here, has he not caused me enough pain in this life time I looked up and met his gaze, those chocolate brown eyes boring into my soul

"why are you here ?" I whispered, trying not to show to much emotion on my face and in my voice

He looked away from me "I wanted to talk so I came out here" he whispered, I shock my head

"I meant why did you come to Russia, why are you not guarding Lisa" I muttered and looked back at my view

"They are my family Roza, I took time off to come see them, then when I got here I heard about everything that happened and I saw you, I couldn't just up and leave" he whispered, I nodded he was right they were his family, I mean sure they maybe mine but they were his blood family.

I was hit with a wave of guilt, it was my fault that he had not seen them in so long

"how long have you been here ?" I asked, I might as well be friendly I didn't have the energy to fight with him

"I've been here almost 4 months now" he smiled and it was one of his rare, warm smiles

"I never realised how much they love you, my mother calls you her daughter" he laughed but I could hear there was still pain in his voice

"I always dreamed that my family would love you, but never like this" he whispered and looked down at his hands that were rested on his thighs.

Maybe he thought I had stolen his family from him, I mean hell I had hadn't I ?, they choice to have me in their family and as a result they knowingly pushed Dimitri out

I didn't speak and neither did he, I slowly sipped at my tea "we do this every night, Yeva and I sit here and she always says 'one last cup of tea and a beautiful view in case me don't wake tomorrow'" I smiled to myself at the memory and then all was quite again

"Roza, I'm sorry for everything I did, it was never my intention to hurt you" he whispered so low, but I didn't want to listen to this, I stood and walked to the door but before going I turned to face him

"Dimitri its not that you didn't want to do it, its that you did, you broke my heart and it will never heal the way it used to ….. not any more" I sighed and left him sitting there alone, I crawled into bed beside Paul and fell into a deep sleep.

I dreamed of him that night, but it wasn't the nightmare this time, it was of him as a child Yeva had showed me videos and pictures, he had been a very beautiful boy, and now he was an extremely beautiful man.

I woke up feeling happy and strong I had needed a good nights rest, I looked at my clock it was still very early, Paul was still asleep snoring his little head off beside me, I carefully climbed out of bed and pulled my dressing gown on and headed down stairs but before I walked out my bedroom door I saw the map Mason had told me of and a note

_Dear Rose_

_Anna said to leave this here and to tell you, that it will lead you to the book, just follow the map and when you reach it call for her and she will come_

_All my love and wishes_

_Mason_

I put it under my bed so no one would find it and continued downstairs, I stopped on the bottom

step and listened, Yeva and Dimitri were talking in very hushed voices

"Dimitri, you hurt her, she has every right not to forgive you" Yeva spoke calmly

"but grandmother I need her how can I make her see this" he was crying, it killed me to hear him so hurt I wanted to go and comfort him

"Dimitri, she is going through something you can't understand, she needs time"

"but how am I meant to live with her staying in the next room, it kills me" he was sad and I was causing him this pain, after everything he had done I still didn't want to cause him pain

There was silence in the room, but I could hear Dimitri's sobs and Yeva patting his back or arm

"maybe you should leave again, Dimitri, she needs time and this is her home" Yeva was telling her grandson to leave his home because of me, this wasn't right

"Yes" was all he replied with, but I had made my mind up he would not have to leave because I was. Now seemed a good time to go in search of Anna's book.

I quietly sneaked back to my room and without waking Paul I packed my things, weapons, map, clothes, money etc. I sat down on the bed and started to write the hardest things I have ever and I imagine will ever have to write, I was saying goodbye to everyone I loved, to my family.

_To my family._

_I am sorry but I'm leaving there is some thing's I need to do. Do not look for me you wont find me. I love every single one of you more than you will ever know._

_Christian, you look after that little girl it took a lot for me to bring her back, she will need you and Viki more than anything, do not do what my mother and father did to me, tell her and show her every day that she is loved. Tell her that I love her and will be back to her soon, I gave my life for her and will do it again._

_Yeva and Olena, you have been my mothers, I could not have lived these past few years with out you. I can never tell you how much I am grateful that you opened you home and hearts to me._

_Karolina, I will miss you, take care of that little boy and do the same as I told Christian, show how much he means to you, when he is older he will be so grateful you did._

_Pot (hehe), you I will miss most of all, you are my little brother and I will love you forever, take care of our family and I will see you again._

_Sonya, we never really got on very well when I first got there but I love you still, you looked out for me and helped me for that I am thankful._

_I have enclosed a letter for Dimitri, things that should be read only for him._

_I promise I will see you all soon, but I need this, things have changed I am changing I seek guidance, I will send word of my safety._

_Yeva, as you sit under the night sky, remember where ever I am, I am doing the same and thinking of you, smile for me and never forget the stars hold beauty and truth, I will look to them when I need you._

_All of my love_

_Rose_

I had tears running down my face as I finished writing this letter but then I realised what letter I had to write next, I had to say goodbye and tell him that he needed to move on with his life, that's the one thing he could do for me

_Dimitri_

_You are my first and only love, I have loved you from the moment I saw you, the time with you was the best I ever had, I loved everything we did._

_But when you changed I still loved you and swore to save you, I am glad I didn't kill you as I would never have been able to save you._

_When you changed again, and were once again yourself, I longed for you to hold me, but you pushed me away, and you choice to love another, you will never understand how much you have taken from me, but I still love you after everything you have done._

_I long to be able to forgive you and be in your arms but I am not sure I am capable of forgiveness._

_Dimitri this is your home, I was wrong to take it from you, and I am sorry you have missed so much, stay with them and enjoy everything._

_You need to have them in you life I am sorry I ever took that from you._

_Please take care of our family they mean everything to me and I would not be able to fight on if they were gone. Move on with your life, meet a girl fall in love and have children, its the one thing you can do for me. Find love Dimitri and now that you will always have mine_

_we will meet again comrade_

_Roza_

My tears were coming hard and fast, there was one last thing to do before I left, I walked over to my stand beside the door and grabbed my bear, Paul had bought him for me when I first moved here, he was a small little brown bear, with angel wings and a halo, we named him Sunny. I placed him beside Paul on the bed and scribbled a note

_Watch after Sunny for me, I'll be wanting him back when I return_

_Flower xx _

I placed the note beside the bear and kissed his forehead and grabbed my bag, without waking anyone I made my way to the back door, leaving my letters on the side for them to read when they woke and I left. I started running and I didn't know when I would return but when I turned back to see my home, the moon was shining down on it, like a light showing me the way home, and I knew that it would be there until the day I returned.

Tears ran down my checks as I turned and started down the path into town, I needed to get to England and I needed to get there soon.


	13. Chapter 12

**Dimitri's Point of View**

Its been a while since I saw Roza but even then she had Ignored me and pretended I wasn't there and that had hurt me more than anything ever had, I could see the pain and sadness in her eyes and I longed to go and hold her but she was Rose, she would have kicked my Russian ass if I had tried, she had come to the courts and I remember watching her fight she was amazing

_(Flashback)_

_We ran around the corner, we had been alerted not 5 minutes before that the west wall was under attack and that maybe 10 guardians had fallen, but what we say was truly amazing, Janine Hathaway was fighting 2 strigoi, she was graceful and skilled but she would never compare to the women fighting across from her, she was surrounded by bodies and was still taken them down, there was a guardian that had fallen he had been here from the start, talking to some of us who had just arrived we stood in complete shock_

"_I was about to be bitten, then out of no where she was jumping over me and plunged her stake into his heart, it was amazing, she hasn't stopped all those bodies are hers, her mother has killed maybe 8 or 9 but the rest are her, she must have killed over 25, I haven't seen anything like it" _

_I was taken by his words, her mother is she was the child of Janine Hathaway then that was my Roza …. where had she learned to fight like that. She was very skilled and very sexy when she was fighting, she did it with little effort and it seemed to come natural to her. My heart was pounding in my chest, I could feel the blood running around my body was starting to boil, I wanted to know where she had been, why she was here, when she got here, how she has been, is she happy, has she moved on, I wanted to know everything but I knew it was never going to be easy._

_She killed her last, he had seemed to know her as he tried to taunt her but it has failed and he had fallen just like the rest. She stood and turned around looking for someone, her eyes landed on her mother and a smile broke out on her beautiful face, but before she could day anything a voice broke through the crowds a voice I knew all to well._

_"Мой маленький ангел, Должен Вы всегда делать такой беспорядок, когда мы идем места"_

_("My little angel, Must you always make such a mess when we go places")_

_My grandmother was here, talking to Roza but how did she know her and why did she just call her 'her little Angel', she looked at my grandmother with such love in her eyes and it was the same for Yeva, I was confused and wanted answered but now did not seem the time._

_My grandmother burst into laughter and walked over and kissed Roza on the check_

_"Жаль Бабушка"_

_("sorry Grandmother")_

_I had missed the sound of her voice, she smiled at Yeva and laughed._

_I had caught my grandmothers eyes before the turned to leave and she gave me a small smiled and a nod before walking off with Roza and her mother_

_(End Flashback)_

She had not stayed long and left without saying goodbye to anyone again, but I knew why as did Lisa, she had returned home with a broken nose, when asked what happened she told me everything that had happened and what she had said to Roza.

I had to go see her, I walked to her mothers home and stayed outside until I had gained the courage to go in, I knocked on the door and waited

_(Flashback)_

_"come in" she called I opened the door and walked in, she was lying on the couch wrapped in a blanket watching Titanic, she loved that film, it was at the bit were Jack is spinning Rose around, I had often wounded if she liked the film so much because her and the main character shared the same name._

_I stood at the bottom of the couch watching her, watching the film, she looked tired but she was still very beautiful, her brown eyes, and perfect lips, I longed to kiss them._

_She lifted her gaze to me, she was surprised she had not expected to see me there, I felt as if I should leave but I stood my ground._

_She looked at me and her gaze wondered over my body, I could see the longing in her eyes, and hear her breath speed up but then she looked down and I assumed she remembered what I had done, when she looked at me again her eyes were cold and sad_

_"why are you here ?" she snapped I didn't know what to say, her was angry and I could here the venom in her voice and it scared me that I could make her feel that way "Roza, I wanted to apologise" I whispered, she started to laugh and I was confused why was she laughing, I did not find this a funny matter "I don't want your apology Dimitri, I want nothing from you" she spoke softly and calmly._

_She stood up I think she was getting ready to hit me, she throw the blanket off her and the moment she did I gasped my breath coming faster, she was wearing it was a black silk night dress, it stopped at the top of her thighs and hat a slit down to her belly button, but it had ribbon tied up it in a criss cross patten but it showed her breaths, the dress had a red patten going down the side, she looked breath taken, my eyes travelled the length of her body 3 times then I met her eyes, she looked shocked, confused, embarrassed and longing. Holding her gaze I felt, pain, sadness and regret, I missed her so much, she was everything to me but I couldn't tell her she couldn't believe me would she._

_I needed to say something before my urges grow to strong I a lifted her lips to mine, I wanted to badly to run my hands over her body._

_"I herd that you broke Lissa's jaw" I muttered but the moment I did I could see I had said the wrong thing, I should not have mentioned Lisa_

_"she deserved it, she was being childish and petty" she snapped at me_

_"and breaking her jaw wasn't childish ?" I smiled but I could tell she did not want to laugh with me she wanted to kill me_

_"Roza, I have never loved any one but you" I whispered, she looked conflicted and I hoped she still loved me also but she took me by surprise when she asked_

_"did you sleep with her ?" I knew she meant that night she had watched us through Lissa's eyes, so I choose my words carefully,_

_"that's night was nothing but kissing and a bit holding" I muttered but I could not help but regret it, I felt ashamed at what had happened and that I had lied to her, but she would hate me more if she I had made love to Lisa._

_My face betrayed me, I knew when I looked at her she had seen my emotions and that she knew I was hiding something, she was smart, and maybe she deserved to now_

_"have you ever slept with her before or after that night ?" she spoke quietly she looked afraid of my answer, I new I could not lie if she ever found out she would never love me again when I didn't answer she snapped at me_

_"answer me"_

_I nodded and could instantly she the hurt and pain in her eyes, she looked away from me and I could have killed myself for causing the women I loved such pain_

_"yes, Roza, we did" I whispered softly_

_"when ?" she muttered I saw a tear roll down her check, my hand lifted to wipe it away but I refrained from it, now was not the time Why was she hurting herself like this, by asking such questions, she didn't need to hear this she needed to stop before it got to much for her to forgiveness_

_"Roza please s..." I began but she cut me off, she shouted at me and I could see that she had scared herself by how fierce she sounded._

_"WHEN ?"_

_She did not look at me when I answered her_

_"both" I muttered so low she was not sure she heard me, or she just wanted to hear it again to make sure I had said what she thought_

_"what ?"she was sobbing now, it killed me_

_"we slept together twice" she looked away, and drifted into her thoughts I continued to speak_

_"Roza, please she meant nothing, I was confused and I felt alone, then when you left I was distraught and I just needed to feel numb, you are all I have ever cared for, I need you and I will not stop until you have forgiven me and I hold you in my arms"_

_"get out" she muttered, I just sat there trying to think of something to make her see that she was everything to me_

_"get out" she repeated_

_"Roza" I mentally slapped myself that was the best I could think of, I am totally stupid_

_"GET OUT NOW" she snapped_

_it was no good to argue, she needed time and I could not bare to see her cry no longer so I left._

_(end flashback)_

I had hurt the women I loved more than anything that night and for what, meaning less sex with I women, I disliked, Lisa was a kind sweet girl but the way she had treated Rose made me dislike her, but we had both slept together those nights so we were as bad as each other.

I spent weeks just wishing I could have told her that truth, I still loved her and that I hadn't betrayed her love, but I had to try and get her to trust me again, it would be the last thing I did.

I phoned Yeva every night and we spoke about things, I had so missed having them in my life but they had protected Rose, I was a little angry at her for taking my family from me but also regretful that she had them, when I was not there.

I got permission from Lisa to go visit my family she didn't want me to go

_(Flashback)_

_"Lisa, I want to go see my family" I whispered, she had not taken it when when I said I wished to leave her_

_"no you don't you want to go and see that little whore" she snapped, there was tears in her eyes, she acted as if we were in love but she didn't want to be with me but she didn't want Rose to have me._

_I stood up, I was getting angry "I'm going, I will see you when I return" I snapped and left_

_(End Flashback)_

That night I left court and I got on a plane home. It was the longest few hours I had ever spent, I hoped they would be happy to bee me and not turn me away.

I knocked on the door and stood there wishing they would be happy but knowing I would leave if they told me to

Yeva answered the door and smiled "hi, I've been waiting for you" she whispered and pulled me inside.

Once there they explained everything I had missed and everything that had happened to my Roza, they showed me where she was sleeping she lay on her bed in my old room, pail and lifeless and I refused to leave after that, I had walked back down to meet the rest of the family.

Christian was there, a arm wrapped around Viki, and a little girl sitting on her hip, they looked so happy I was kinda jealous of them.

"its nice to see you again" he smiled, I had expected him to be angry still but he wasn't.

I looked at the little girl and smiled, she was beautiful "what's her name ?" I muttered

"her name is Rosalie Belikov Ozera" I wondered if she was named after Roza, Christian noticed my gaze and nodded "Rose gave her life and brought her back to us, it was the least we could do" I smiled Rose must have loved that

I had stayed for 2 months, before I decided I could not go back to court, I couldn't leave my family and Roza so I phoned the Princess

_(Flashback)_

_"Hello, Princess" I whispered_

_"oh, Dimitri, I'm so glad you called when are you coming home" she sounded happy that I had called but I could here something else in her voice_

_"Princess I'm not coming back I am staying here with my family" I muttered, she screamed and screamed._

_I waited till she had stopped then continued to talk_

_"they will assign you a new guardian that can protect you"_

_"I don't want them I want you, your only staying for her" she was angry at me for choosing Roza_

_"Princess, Rose does not even know I'm here" it wasn't a complete lie, Roza did have no idea I was here._

_With that I hung up and walked back to sit with Roza as I did everyday just hoping she would wake._

_(End Flashback)_

I stayed with my family and continued to sit with Rose everyday, every night Yeva would sit outside with the blanket and a cup of tea, I wanted to join her to keep her company but it was something she did with Rose, it wasn't my place.

I would hear my family cry every day that Rose did not wake up, but they still continued with their lives and waited.

On night I had been sitting with Rose for many hours and must have fallen asleep because Christian woke me up

"Dimitri go to bed, I will stay with her till the morning" I stood and left but before I walked out the door I saw Christian lie next to Rosa and begin to cry, I felt sorry for him, Rose was like his sister she had saved his child at the cost of her life, and Christian blamed himself, if she hadn't saved her child then she would be alive but then he would hate himself for thinking that he loved Rosalie more than his life but he also loved Rose more than himself. I went to sleep in my own bed for the first time in months.

It was early in the morning it was still dark outside when I was woken up why someone shouting, I ran to my door and opened it, it was Christian "she's gone" she screamed and every one was standing beside him, then we heard people taking outside and ran downstairs, I pulled opened the door to see my grandmother standing on the porch and Roza at the bottom of the garden she was sitting on the ground and concentrating. She was awake my heart was pounding in my chest, I tried to go to her but my grandmother shock her head and held out her arm to tell to to remain where we were.

Rose started shouting at the night sky, but it was who she was taking to that made me worry, Mason, she thought she could see him again but she had told me he had moved one.

I wasn't paying much attention as to what she was saying I just continued to stare at her completely amazed that she was finally awake.

Roza faced my grandmother, then she kissed Roza on the head and walked back towards us, and ushered us inside.

We sat in the living room waiting for Roza to come back in, when she did she walked into the room, deep in thought.

As soon as she was in the room, Christian ran over to her and lifted her into his arms and hugged her "I've missed you sexy" he whispered to her and kissed her check, was he sleeping with her, were they together, why was he talking to her like this did my sister not mind the man she loved calling another women sexy.

"Me too" she smiled, he sat back down beside Viki and Rosalie, Roza was seeing her for the first time after everything that had happened, she and Rosalie were holding each other's gazes, Roza held her hand up with her palm facing the child, I was curious what was she doing ?, but then Rosalie held her hand the same and pressed their palms together, Roza's body tensed and I could see that she was feeling pain, from the touch, her expression was matched on the child's face, Roza laughed and smiled, she kissed her check then whispered

"do not worry, I just took was was left, you don't need it any more" she stood up and the baby held her arms out for Roza to hold her, she sat on Roza's hit with the biggest smile on her face, when she stunned us all, by saying her first words

"Roza" her voice was loud and clear, not that of a child

Roza laughed and leaned in close and whispered "Mason told you I'd come back" she smiled, Rosalie started clapping her hands in a very excited way.

What did she mean Mason had told her Roza would come back, when had Mason seen the child.

"he's says hello" she muttered to the baby as she handed her back to her mother, Viki smiled and mouthed 'Thank you' to Roza she just nodded and smiled, she went to sit down but was knocked to the floor by Paul, he was hugging her back, we all jumped to help her up, her body hit the floor and pain spread across her face

"son of a bitch"

She shouted then rolled over to see Paul crying

"I'm sorry Flower I didn't mean to hurt you" he sobbed

She pulled him down and kissed him "don't worry I'm just a bit sore" I could tell instantly that it was a lie but she was trying to act brave for him and make him feel better.

He pulled her to her feet and she sat down in the empty chair, she moved along and Paul climbed on and hugged into her side, they looked so comfy together and by every ones smiled I could tell that this was normal for them.

Every one was looking at her each holding the same expression, confusion, she started laughing

"I'm not gorna, sleep again, stop starring"

She gaped in between laughs, Yeva was the first to ask

"Angel, where were you ?" she whispered

She smiled and closed her eyes

"world of the dead" she muttered

"what ?" Christian snapped

"the place we go when we die, the world of the dead" I smiled

"what was it like ?" Yeva whispered she sounded almost scared to ask

"Oh, its beautiful, everything is bright and new, the smells and taste are like nothing you can experience in life and every one is there"

She did not open her eyes as she spoke, and I wondered by she had not noticed I was here yet, maybe she had and was ignoring me again, or maybe she just had not expected me to be here so did not look for me.

"Roza" I whispered I could not help myself

Then she looked at me and I realised this was the first time she was seeing me here tonight, she truly had not seen me. She looked at me confused as if I wasn't really there at first but then it passed.

I crossed the room on 3 steps and lifted her into my arms as she was about to speak, my arms were wrapped tight around her waist, I was holding a little to tight and her breath was coming in sharp gasps

"Dimitri put me down" she gasped I did as she asked and she turned from em and sat down, Paul went straight back to her side and yawned she wrapped her arm around him and he closed his eyes, my heart ripped apart at that moment again she was turning away from me, but how could I blame her, after what I had done, I walked over to my grandmother and sat down beside her

"Give her time, she needs to learn to love you again, with out it hurting" Yeva whispered to me, I nodded to show I understood.

"what happened whilst you where there ?" Viki smiled, Roza smiled in return

"I saw Mason again, he pulled me from the darkness and showed me where Anna lived, she is the other shadow-kissed we know of, I read about her when I was back at the academy we sat and talked and then I came back"

I could tell she was no longer in the mood to talk. Paul had fallen asleep against her side she pulled him round into her arms, I was about to go lift him from her when she stood up with him showing no signs that he was heavy

"where is he sleeping ?" she smiled at Yeva

"well he usually sleeps in your room with you now" My grandmother laughed, Paul had been sleeping with Roza for some time now he found it a great comfort to be near her in case she woke up. Roza nodded and carried him upstairs

Yeva turned to me and smiled "time" she whispered and I nodded

When she returned everyone was going to bed, it was late and they needed sleep, but Roza didn't seem tired she went off into the kitchen followed by Yeva, I sat in the living room and watched as Roza walked out side with some tea and a blanket, Yeva had whispered to me before going to bed

"go talk to her" she whispered softly then she went to bed.

I stood at the kitchen door for minutes trying to get the nerve to go out and talk to Roza.

I opened the door and stepped out she was thinking and didn't notice me walk over until I sat down beside her, she looked up and meet my gaze, mine was filled with love and longing, hers was filled with anger and betrayal.

"why are you here ?" she whispered, I looked away from here

"I wanted to talk, so I came out here" I muttered but she just shock her head

" I meant why did you come to Russia, why are you not guarding Lisa" I couldn't help but smile had she forgotten where she was my home with my family "they are my family Roza, I took time off to come see them, then when I got here I heard everything that happened and I saw you, and I couldn't leave again" I whispered, she nodded and was lost in he thoughts again.

"How long have you been here ?" she seemed to want to talk to me so I took the opportunity

"I've been here almost 4 months now" I smiled

" I never realised how much they love you, my mother calls you her daughter" laughed, to my surprise she laughed also

"I always dreamed that my family would love you, but never this way" I whispered.

I had dreamed that they would love her as and daughter-in-law, as she would be my bride and a part of my family that way, but never did I think they would love her, with out her being with me

She didn't talk but I could see she was thinking about something and it made her sad.

She sipped at her tea

"we do this every night, Yeva and me, just sit here and she always says 'one last cup of tea and a beautiful view in case we don't wake tomorrow'"

She smiled, it must be a good memory for her. Then every thing was quite, I need to speak to her and now was my chance

"Roza, I'm sorry for everything I did, it was never my intention to hurt you"

I whispered it was barley a whisperer it was so low but she heard me, she stood and walked to the door before going in she turned back to me, I could see a tear in her eye, me being here was hurting her.

"Dimitri its not that you didn't want to its that you did, you broke my heart and it will never heal the way it used to...not no more"

And with that she left me alone outside and sitting on the seat.

I sat outside all night just watching the stars then the sun rise, I needed time to think, maybe I should leave and then she could get on with her life maybe that would be best.

I walked into the house it was very early and I did not expect to see any one but Yeva was in the kitchen, waiting for me, she smiled and hugged me

"I take it, it did not go well" she whispered I shock my head and felt tears running down my face, she wrapped me into her arms and kissed my hair.

"she was happy until I ruined every thing" I sobbed

"she was never happy, she was heart broken" she sighed

"I need her to forgive me, I need her to love me again, how can I make her see, I am nothing with out her" I whispered

"Dimitri, you hurt her, she has no right to forgive you" she sounded to calm.

"but grandmother, I need her how can I make her see this" my tears were coming heavy now

"Dimitri, she's going through something you cant understand, she needs time"

"but how am I meant to live here with her staying in the next room, it kills me" I was in such pain but it was nothing as to what I was causing my Roza.

There was silence between us, then my grandmother finally spoke

"maybe you should leave again, Dimitri, she needs time and this is her home" at first I could not believe she was telling me to leave but she was right Roza needed this family more than I did at the moment and they loved her they would help her heal and get strong again.

"yes" was all I could reply with

I went to bed and Yeva went to her, I fell asleep dreaming of Roza, her lips, eyes, smile, laugh, the curve of her waist, her legs, her breast, in all I dreamed of the utter beauty or Rose Hathaway.

Yeva was shaking me awake, I opened my eyes and saw she had been crying "she's gone" she gaped, I jumped up and got ready, I went into the living room with the rest of my family.

Yeva stood there with two letters in her hand, once we were all seated she began to read

_To my family._

_I am sorry but I'm leaving there is some thing's I need to do. Do not look for me you wont find me. I love every single one of you more than you will ever know._

_Christian, you look after that little girl it took a lot for me to bring her back, she will need you and Viki more than anything, do not do what my mother and father did to me, tell her and show her every day that she is loved. Tell her that I love her and will be back to her soon, I gave my life for her and will do it again._

_Yeva and Olena, you have been my mothers, I could not have lived these past few years with out you. I can never tell you how much I am grateful that you opened you home and hearts to me._

_Karolina, I will miss you, take care of that little boy and do the same as I told Christian, show how much he means to you, when he is older he will be so grateful you did._

_Pot (hehe), you I will miss most of all, you are my little brother and I will love you forever, take care of our family and I will see you again._

_Sonya, we never really got on very well when I first got there but I love you still, you looked out for me and helped me for that I am thankful._

_I have enclosed a letter for Dimitri, things that should be read only for him._

_I promise I will see you all soon, but I need this, things have changed I am changing I seek guidance, I will send word of my safety._

_Yeva, as you sit under the night sky, remember where ever I am, I am doing the same and thinking of you, smile for me and never forget the stars hold beauty and truth, I will look to them when I need you._

_All of my love_

_Rose_

Christian and Viki were crying and holding each other, Yeva was comforting my mother, and Sonya and Karolina were sitting in silence but I could see they were in pain at her leaving.

Paul had gone to sit on the floor and was facing the fire, I walked over to him and sat beside him

"Paul are you ok ?" I whispered

"why would she leave me ?" he sobbed I wrapped in to my chest

"Roza needed some time on her own, she will come back as soon as she can" I smiled he nodded and walked off, my family had left the living room giving me some privacy to read my letter.

_Dimitri_

_You are my first and only love, I have loved you from the moment I saw you, the time with you was the best I ever had, I loved everything we did._

_But when you changed I still loved you and swore to save you, I am glad I didn't kill you as I would never have been able to save you._

_When you changed again, and were once again yourself, I longed for you to hold me, but you pushed me away, and you choice to love another, you will never understand how much you have taken from me, but I still love you after everything you have done._

_I long to be able to forgive you and be in your arms but I am not sure I am capable of forgiveness._

_Dimitri this is your home, I was wrong to take it from you, and I am sorry you have missed so much, stay with them and enjoy everything._

_You need to have them in you life I am sorry I ever took that from you._

_Please take care of our family they mean everything to me and I would not be able to fight on if they were gone. Move on with your life, meet a girl fall in love and have children, its the one thing you can do for me. Find love Dimitri and now that you will always have mine_

_we will meet again comrade_

_Roza_

I was crying when I finished it, she left so that I could be with my family, how could she do that they were her family also, they needed her as much as they needed me, but she had said not to look for her that we wouldn't find her I had no doubt that if she wanted to hide from me, she could she managed it for 3 years and the whole time she had been right under my nose.

_'but I still love you after everything you have done'_ My heart had melted when she said those words they were the words I had needed to hear for almost 4 years, that she loved me and that I had a chance at getting her back.

_' Move on with your life, meet a girl fall in love and have children, its the one thing you can do for me. Find love Dimitri '_ how could she say that after telling me she still loved me, she must now that I would never love another apart from her, she wanted me to move on with my life and find some one else and have a family, the one thing Roza could never give me, but she didn't understand I did not want children if I could not have them with her, I would give up every thing just to be with her. I needed to find her.

_' we will meet again comrade '_ yes Roza we will meet again, sooner than you think, I will find you my love and we will be together.


	14. Chapter 13

_The sun was warm against my chest whilst the grass was cold again my back, such different to each other yet both giving me some form of comfort. _

"_Roza, oh Roza" he whispered from behind the trees, I smile broke out across my face_

_I did not lift myself from my position to see him but I could feel and hear him moving closer to me, my heart beating faster as he did _

"_I found you, my Roza" he lay down beside me and trailed his fingers along my stomach_

"_I will never hide from you" I smiled and turned to face him, his eyes boring into mine, the eyes that I found comfort in and filled me with such love, he slowly leans closer until his lips lighting brush against mine_

"_I will always find you, Roza" he whispered against my lips then he pulled me to him _

I woke up gasping, my hair clinging to my face, my clothes twisted around my body. This dream had woken me for the past few months and every night I would wake up with such a pain of missing him.

2 years I have been in the human world, I had not intended to stay here this long but when I got here I felt a sense of freedom I had never had before so I postponed looking for the book and decided to enjoy this freedom more. I was always looking for danger but that came as a second nature to me so I never cared, it was so different from when I had ran away with Lisa, as I had to protect her and make sure she was safe at all times now I was able to see the true beauty of the human world.

It was amazing, I didn't have to run or fight, they didn't know what I was, who I was or what I was able to do. I could blend in with them without them even knowing that I could brake their necks within a second of moving, or rip them to shreds with my hands, so they didn't treat me like a threat I was simply another human women and I loved it.

I had been in England for around a year now and was living in a small town called Sunderland. It wasn't the greatest of cities but it was busy and exciting. The people were passionate and funny, I attended football matches I had never been to or even seem a match like these before, but they were fun the fans would get so into the game, shouting, screaming, crying, laughing it really was a up and down game.

The night life was cool, they had bars and clubs that stayed open until late hours in the morning, they played music and served alcohol. People would go and dance, have fun with friends, or meet new friends whilst there, it was all about enjoying your life and having fun. I went to these places often.

I didn't come straight to England after leaving Russia I travelled a little whilst I could, then when I got here I got caught up in this life. I of course had to get fake birth certificate, driving license and little things to prove who I was or who I wasn't. My name on all was 'Miss Roza Hampir' I had smiled when I came up with the name, no one from my world would assume this was me.

I enrolled into the cities university, I was studying Myths and Legends. Its funny how many times vampire's were spoken of but they were believe to be a myth, things children were told stories about.

I was staying in student flat with 3 other people the two males, who were great they thought I was cute and I loved when they tried to get my attention, they were called Adam and John. The only girl in out flat was Lou, she was tall and very slim very much like Lisa, she had long red hair (died red, it was bright cherry red) it always made me smile when I saw it, she had dark green eyes and she was sweet. We meet on the first day, she was carrying her stuff in and was having a bit of trouble so I offered my help and we started there.

We were close, but she didn't know much about me none of them really did, I told her that I was from Russia and had left when my lover had betrayed me. She loved my accent and the way I spoke she thought I sounded old fashioned, they way I said love and grandmother etc. I just found them funny, they way they spoke was often confused.

I loved this life I could be carefree and young, but no matter how much I pretended to be something I wasn't, I would never be like these people I was a Dhampir and I was running from everything.

Of course there was other Moroi and Dhampir in this world but I tried to avoid them as much as I could , I did not need another way for Dimitri to find me. I knew he would be looking, there had been no doubt in my mind that he would. I had talked to Christian a few days after I had left and he told me that he had left, he told my family they he wouldn't stop looking until I was back home. He had no idea where I was though and for this I am glad, I loved him like nothing else in this world but I needed to learn forgiveness and if he was around me I would never be able to do so.

We had arranged a movie night at ours tonight, myself and Lou were sitting with Adam and John and a few others, we had gotten some bottles and loads of snacks and we settled down to watch some films, we were watching Twilight first, this film was funny it was meant to be a love story between a human girl and a vampire, they battle to be together there story line would be like if a Moroi fell in love with a Strigoi in my world.

Humans had such creative imaginations, I was laughing at the bit were they are playing basketball and Rosalie ( it made me think of Christian's daughter, god how much I missed home) he had called the vampire Emmett her monkey man. Lou and the guys looked at me like I was crazy but I just shrugged it off.

I know with me being a half vampire I should have supported Edward but I had to say I was a total team Jacob fan, I mean come on he is one fit dude, and yet mind couldn't help but drift to Dimitri, Jacob had nothing on the Russian God himself.

Since we were 'Myth and Legends' students we had voted for a myth movie night, any film that had things like vampires, werewolves, ghosts, gremlins, witches and wizards etc. was loud. Adam was next to pick a movie and he choose 'Interview with a Vampire', now that was a fucking awesome film I had to remind my Dimitri to watch it with me when I got home ….. again I was left shocked I had not meant to think of him but my mind had drifted to him and I had referred to him as 'my Dimitri' that I had not expected. Through out the entire film I kept thinking of him, when a bit came on I liked I would think ' Dimitri would love this bit' or 'I can imagine Dimitri laughing at that'.

It was about a vampire named Louis and he was turned by the vampire Lestat, I have to admit the person who played Louis, Brad Pitt is sex on legs, they live together for years until Louis feeds off a young girl and Lestat changes her, but they kill Lestat, I must add they kill him twice, and then they leave and she gets killed and then he is alone when he meets Lestat again after hundreds of year, and then leaves. He is nothing without the little vampire girl, when they killed her she lost the one thing that made him hold on to his humanity. All of the story is told by Louis as he is explaining about himself and his life to a journalist, but when he is driving, he gets bitten my Lestat. I fucking adore this film. I love the fact that no matter how many times you think Lestat is dead he keeps popping back up, it made me laugh.

It ends with one of my favourite songs, Sympathy for the Devil by Guns n' Roses. I hadn't realised how long the film was on for until the others announced they were heading back to their rooms, leaving me and my flat mates alone

"hey before we watch the next is anyone hungry ?" I muttered, they all agreed with a groan as I mentioned food

"am going to jump in the shower, someone phone for a pizza I want a 12 inch meat feast" I called as I headed into my room, I quickly undressed and was about to jump in the shower when Lou knocked on my door

"hey Roza, they do double chocolate cake we knew you would want some so we ordered it as well" she called from behind the door and I laughed, they may not know the real me but they knew enough to make me happy to be here.

The water felt amazing against my skin, I hadn't realised how tense I had been all day until I felt my muscles relax. I missed home, my family, friends, my bed, the smell of the house, Olena's cooking everything about home I missed. I didn't think it to be possible but the more time I spent here the more I missed Dimitri, I may not be able to forgive him but that didn't mean my heart didn't miss him.

I got dressed and headed back into the living room, the food had arrived and it was set out in front of the tv, where John was putting the next film on 'Queen of the Damned', it to was a good film and the main actor Stuart Townsend was again sex on legs, I understand by picking such sexy men as the main actors, they made you want to watch more. His name was Lestat, like in Interview with a Vampire but the characters were different, in this film he creates a rock band to piss the other vampires of by letting the human world know of their existence, but he falls in love with a human women, and then the queen awakens and she wants him, but she is pure evil so they must kill her and in the end the human women turns into a vampire and they can be together.

Everyone had picked except me, so I looked through the piles of DVD's until I found one that looked interesting. It was something I hadn't seen before like most of these, I put the DVD in and smiled at Lou "what's you pick ?" she laughed

I held up the box for them to see, Adam and John laughed and Lou smiled "Underworld" she giggled

"we might as well have made this a vampire movie night" Adam muttered and took a bite from his Pizza, it must have been freezing but he didn't seem to care. The film was good but I noticed the others were starting to get tired so once the film finished I cleaned up and put the films back on the shelf. They all went to their rooms, whilst I stayed in the living room, I hadn't realised lonely my life had been all my friends I had grown up with I didn't see, they had their own lives and I was still running and hiding. I wondered it I was ever going to have a normal life, if I would fall in love again, get married and have children and then grow old watching my children and grandchildren playing and enjoying a life. In my soul I new I would never have such a thing I would forever be running and hiding, forever pretending, but here and now I was happy, I laughed and smiled with people I cared about and I felt like I belonged here on some strange level.

It got to around 2 in the morning and everyone was fast asleep but I still sat here thinking, I got dressed and decided to go for a walk. I strapped my weapon belt around my waist and hit it under my coat, the weather here is quite cold and it rains a lot, I mean I have been here for ages now and I think I have only seen around 4 really nice days.

I pulled my hood up and started walking, again it was drizzling with rain but I didn't care I just needed to clear my mind of all these thoughts. My ipod playing in my ears I headed down to the river side. I was older then the guys, Lou was 20, Adam and John 21, we were mature students but we loved it, we acted like we were teenagers all over again. Even though I loved it here I so badly missed home, my friends cared for me as I did them but they don't really know me and they never can.

I had been walking around for over an hour when the nausea hit me, I knew instantly what was happening, I opened my jacket and grabbed my stake but it only succeeded in distracting me, it was covered in words of love from my family. I spun around and was faced with 6 Strigoi they looked confused they had been expecting a human, but they they caught my scent and could not resist the chance at Dhampir blood. When they saw me holding the stake they realised I was guardian, 3 of them started backing up but the others held their ground, one was about to speak but I was in no mood for them, I lunged forward and my stake hit his heart I watched with a strange satisfaction as the light left his eyes. This pissed all 5 of them off and they came at me together, but I felt a sudden burst in my strength and felt heat run through me, I smiled and started to attack them, they punched and grabbed at me but I was quick and very very flexible I was bending in ways that were new to me. I continued to fight, 4 dead 2 to go I stopped expecting to catch my breath but I didn't need to I was completely fine, I hadn't even broke a sweat, one tried to take his chances whilst I was still but he failed, 1 down 1 left, I saw something flash through his eyes and he started to back up, I new I should have taken the chance and staked him but I was curious what had happened he had been so ready to kill me now he seemed almost scared, while I had been thinking I had given him the chance to run without thinking I sprinted after him, my mind jumped to Dimitri if he saw me now, he had always taught me to run from Strigoi and here I was chasing the fucker.

He was fast but I was also, he jumped over a wall and I followed this was dangerous I didn't know what was on the other side but I did it anyway, I landed and looked up he was just standing their with his back to me starring into the distance, I jumped at him and flipped him over he was smiling, I put the stake to his chest, I didn't kill him I wanted answers, why he had ran from me instead of fighting

"why did you run ?" is napped he looked confused then laughed

"I may be evil but I am not stupid, you just killed 5 of my friends you are not what I had expected" he muttered I could see the truth in his face and my gut was telling me it wasn't a lieutenant

"then what did you see ?" I was curious and it was getting the better of me

"your something different, no normal guardian could have done that, without even breaking a sweat" he took a breath that was unnecessary and continued he leaned up and smiled

"your a freak" that distracted me and he was able to push me off him and started running, I knew I could catch him again he wouldn't stop this time so I did something that I knew was useless but I throw my stake at him, it was aimed to low to kill him, but as I watched the stake seemed to right its aim and hit him right in the heart I watched as his body fell and hit the ground. I must have put more power into that throw then I had thought, I slowly walked over to the body in case it was a trick but it wasn't he was dead. I pulled my stake from his back and wiped it on my top, and returned it to my belt, how the hell I had made that shot I will never know but I had felt the power that ran through me and it was scary. I turned to leave but something caught my attention.

I could hear heart beats thumping away not far from me, their breathing was spiked and there was a lot of them, I pulled my stake and knife from my belt and turned to face the sounds

"come out, come out where ever you are" I laughed, but my heart was pounding away in my chest

"I don't like games, show yourself" I shouted, just then from about 6 different directions, around 20 guardians stepped out into the light, I glanced around they came closer to me but I could see the caution in their steps, however seeing I was a fellow guardian they bowed a little to show their respect then stood like statues. A tall man, with big broad shoulders, stepped closer, his eyes were dark and he was holding his stake in his hand. I waited for them to speak first

"how did you do that ?" he muttered whilst I just laughed, I think it was nerves as I truly didn't know how I had done it

"I'm sure you have killed them before" I continued laughing, trust my Rose Hathaway attitude to come out at a time like this, I had known what he meant but I wanted to change the subject.

"my name is Guardian Sam Yard" he smiled and held his hand out to me, I put mine in his and smiled

"I'm Guardian Rose Hathaway" he looked over at hos companions

"Rose Hathaway" he seemed shocked at my name, I looked over at his friends they all mirrored his shock.

"would you explain why you are here ?" I whispered, he simply nodded "we have been chasing that group for over a week, they have killed 6 of my men and you just killed their leader" he laughed "you truly are a great warrior" I smiled as a thank you. My phone started to buzz in my pocket, I pulled it out and looked at the text it was from Lou

_Hey, were you at ?_

_Woke up, u wrnt here_

_U on ur way bck ? _

_Lou_

_xx_

I pushed it back in my pocket and put my stake away, I turned to Yard and smiled

"I will be leaving now, I assume you gentlemen can clean this up" I waved my hand over the body and smiled, he nodded and turned and jumped the wall, I was slowly walking away when I remembered the other bodies, I jumped back on and called over to him

"the rest of his group are about a mile towards the campus back there" I yelled and smiled, the last thing I saw was his expression it was a true look of shock, I laughed and headed home.


	15. Chapter 14

When I got home Lou had already gone back to bed, I pushed her door opened and walked in

"hey, just went for a walk am home now" I whispered she just groaned and turned over, I couldn't help but laugh she was such a strange girl but if you woke her up she could be such a bitch.

As much as I loved this life, being free to party and do what ever I wished without having to worry about protecting someone or dyeing for them. It wasn't mine, I wasn't human, I was Dhampir, my mother was a Dhampir and my father a Moroi, I was string, fast and a great fighter. I was also shadow-kissed, which came with gifts, I needed to know what they were before they came. Tonight I think I got just a taste of what was so come and I couldn't be here is I was going to be going through a change.

I hadn't seen Mason since I left Russia, now seemed like a good time to call him. I sat down on the end of my bed and closed my eyes, I thought about him, what he looked like, the sound of his laughter, his smile, his voice, everything I was about to call his name when I opened my eyes and he was already there, I screamed and fell backwards of my bed

"OH...MY...GOD...THAT...WAS...SO...GIRLIE" he gasped through his laughter, I got up and smiled he sat on the bed and I followed, I waited until he got all his laughter out then spoke

"sorry I haven't called in awhile" I whispered

"it's ok we've been watching" he smiled

"Mason I don't know what to do, I love living here I get to have a normal life, friends, parties, having fun and not having to worry about other stuff but I feel as if I'm lying to myself" I felt a tear run down my check

"that's because you are" he muttered, I looked at him shocked I never expected him to be so blunt about it, but he just smiled

"Rose your not human, your so much more, you are a Dhampir and shadow-kissed and a kick ass guardian" he smiled

"thank you" I held his hand in mine that still confused me how I could hold and fell him even though he dead

"I should be getting on with my life shouldn't I ?" he nodded and kissed my forehead

"sooner or later you will have to, but its your choice" I nodded and he continued "Anna said you might want to hurry with your task, she was watching before when you were fighting and you got really strong and fast, you didn't know what was happening did you?" I looked confused then remembered it had been like I was totally different person and I was confident and energetic, I smiled

"not really" I laughed

"well it will be explained in the book but you need to find it, she said you are advancing a lot quicker than she did and it worries her" he was starting to fade little around the edges

"you need to be going now don't you ?" he nodded and said his goodbye

"wait Mason, will you tell Anna I said hello and it would be nice if I could see her again also thank you for coming" I smiled

and he was gone

I sat down on my bed and sighed, I knew I needed to go Anna was right I did feel different and I was a little scared about it, I just really didn't want to leave my life right now I was having fun.

I got my things packed and decided to take a few of the guy's DVD's with me, I left some money on the side for them to buy new ones, once everything was packed I started on my note for them

_Hey dudes,_

_I got to split off home, maybe we will see each other again some time, id like that._

_These past few weeks have been the best, will miss you all a lot._

_Love_

_Rose_

_P.S. Took a few movies with me hope ya don't mind, left money for them and some more have a few drinks on me_

I put it beside the money and walked to the door, before locking it I took one last look and sighed, I felt tears building in my eyes as I walked away, I started walking to the bus station and waited.

I pulled out the map and tried to understand it a little, Anna had circled where I needed to be it was a place called Witherwack, it looked tiny but I hoped I could find my answers and then some where to eat and sleep.

The bus ride was maybe 10 minutes, we had crossed the water and the drive called to me when my stop came, I stood and looked around it was mainly homes, with small set of shops to my right, and I huge field to my left. I came across something like a quarry it had loads of fields and wild flowers growing in its own weird little way it was quite beautiful. I sat down and leaned against a big tree and eat the little food I had packed with me, I smiled at the view it was none stop fields most of them were farmers, I could see the ocean beyond that, it was quite stunning but nothing compared to home.

Once I finished I again looked to the map only to find out I had walked the wrong way and had to back track, when I got off the bus I should have turned right instead of left. I walked back and within 10 minutes I was standing inside a grave yard but the map said that this was were I needed to be. I called for Anna and when I opened my eyes she stood there smiling

"hello" I smiled in return

"hello, I'm glad to see you found this place quickly" I nodded

"ok were is it?" I muttered and looked around, she walked into the little church and I followed she pointed to the wall at the north side of the church, I walked over but there was nothing there

"pull up the stone your standing on it" she whispered

I did as I was told and inside lay a metal box covered over with dirt, I lifted it from its place it had been for so long, I reminded myself to be careful with it, the lid slid off and inside lay a small brown book it looked worn and tattered. I examined the pages they were in good condition for being buried for hundreds of years

"is this it ?" I puzzled

"yes that's my journal, I left in case someone like you needed guidance and help" she smiled I opened the first page and smiled in her hand was a written passage

_To whomever may find this I wish you all the best and hope it brings some peace of mind to you._

_Inside you will find tips on your gifts, you boundaries and thing to look out for, also you should have a bond mate there is a few chapters in there about thins you will experience with them._

_Anna_

I looked up to her but she had gone, I took the book out side and sat below a tree, I opened to the second page and started reading

_Well by now you should now that you are shadow-kissed it happens when we die and a Moroi with spirit brings us back that means we are linked to this person until one dies or the bind it broken._

_We have gifts like being able to see ghost, walking in both worlds, intense fighting skills, and so many more I will go into further detail further into my journal._

_First off, I will tell you about my self, as I am writing with I am 27 years old, my bond mate is with me and he will also be putting some of his thoughts, feelings and experiences into this book._

_I have been boned with him from a early age and we have been together ever since, I have no children, although I have been a mother, I am very in touch with my powers and can control them but even I sometimes have off days when I just can't be controlled am I sure to who ever is reading this you know of what days I speak of._

I felt rain drizzling down my check so stood up to leave, I put the book into my bag and pulled my hood up.

I turned to leave when I saw it, the tiny grave stone, it looked old and had been beaten by nature, it was chipped and dirty, I bent down an whipped it clean, I gasped when I read it

_To our dearest child_

_We did not get to meet you but you will forever be loved_

_We will see you again young one._

_Mum and Dad_

_Anna and Vladimir_

I could not believe it this is were their child was buried, the baby they never even got to hold, I got an idea, I pulled the book out and started flipping through the pages, there had to be something about calling a spirit, I found it

_' To call a spirit you must have a physical or emotion connection to the spirit, if not then you must hold or be near something that had a connection to the spirit '_

Well what better connection then the babies grave right

_' Concentrate on the spirit or object and will so see the person it belongs to, you must not let anything pull you from you concentration.'_

I could do that easily, so al I had to do was think about the grave and think about Anna's baby

_' But be warned not all spirits are happy about being called and are not willing to speak to us, if that is the case you must let them leave do not hold them their its is cruel and will be consequences. '_

Ok so do not piss them off, I do not want a pissed of spirit, got it.

I sat in front of the grave and crossed my legs I left my self go completely lose, then I began to think about the grave and the little boy, I wondered what he looked like maybe he looked like Anna, I could not say if he would look like Vladimir I had not seen him so I wouldn't know, just then I heard a baby laugh.

I opened my eyes and their was a young women standing in front of me smiling down at the baby. She looked up at me and she looked confused

"would you mind talking to me ?" I asked in a quite voice, she thought about it for a few moments then smiled

"I don't mind" she had a very nice voice, it was sweet and kind

"is that the baby, that is buried here ?" she nodded and I smiled

"could I ask how are you here with him, I'm not meaning to be rude" I smiled

she laughed "well he is to small to come on his own, I found him when he came across, and I did not find a mother so he has stayed with me I don't mind I have 3 children myself there he's welcome, he's not trouble at all" she smiled at him again and made a funny face he started giggling.

"I know his mother and father, they never got to meet him when he was burn he died during birth and the doc took him straight away" I felt a tear run down my check, it was so sad I felt sorry for Anna never getting to hold her son.

" that's horrid, if you know them maybe you could tell them I have him, I would love for him to meet his mother" I smiled and nodded

" I know Anna would want that she searched for him many years but they never knew what he looked like so they never found him" I didn't understand why I was telling this women so much but I felt as if I could trust her

" maybe when I learn how to get back to the other world, we could arrange for Anna to meet you" I smiled hoping she would agree

"I would like that very much, next time you need me, if you think of him and me ill come, my name is Sarah Beth" she smiled

"before you go, do you think I could hold him" I was worried to ask I did not know if she would be ok with that, but she smiled and held him out to me, I lifted him into my arms and smiled, he had Anna's eyes

"hello" I whispered he looked up at me and smiled

I kissed his forehead then handed him back to Sarah

"thank you" I smiled

she nodded and left, I stood at his grave a few minutes longer, I could not believe I had found him, I couldn't not wait to see Anna and tell her, I so badly wanted her to be happy.

I walked around until I started to get tired, my mind was spinning. In the space of a few hours I had left my second home, followed the map and found Anna's journal, then found Anna's long lost son.

I found a small BnB, I went inside to ask for a room there was a little old lady sitting in a comfy chair reading, she smiled and handed me a key asking if there was anything I needed, which I declined with a smile. My room was small but lovely, I needed somewhere I could just relax and sleep, I tossed my bag down and grabbed the book, laying across the bed I began to read about travelling to the world of the dead

_When travelling to the spirit world you need to split you soul from your body, this make take some work but you will learn how, first you need to get comfy and try and forget about everything around you, think about your body floating and your soul slipping out of you mouth, then imagine a dark bubble and your inside, once there you need to remember why you are there are you will want to stay there, concentrate on seeing a spirit that has passed over and you will see a light, when you see it you will be pulled to it, don't fight it once through the light you will see the other world._

I figured I could give it ago, I had no intention for it to work but practise makes perfect. I lay back and relaxed, trying to rid my mind of thoughts I failed the first few tries but I finally managed to do it and felt my body relax against the soft bed. I did what Anna had described about imagining my soul separating from my body, floating just about me and then it happened I felt myself being pulled into the familiar darkness, it was nice the feeling of floating around however I knew I had something I needed to do, I thought about Anna and needed to see her and I saw the light coming closer, I closed my eyes to shield them from the brightness.

I could smell fresh flowers and feel the sun against my skin, I opened my eyes and gasped I had done it, my first attempt and it had worked I was in the world of the dead. I stood and smiled even thought I had been here before it still took my breath away, it was magnificent.

Once my mind had caught up with everything I had just done I looked around and the place I stood was where I had been with Mason the first time I came, I knew where to go from here and my legs didn't seem to no any restraints as I started running towards Anna's home.

I could help but have a smile on my face, I was happy I didn't think I could do it and I had, I had also found Anna's son and knew I will make her happy.

I came up to Anna's cottage and she was again in the garden tending to her roses

"Anna" I shouted when I reached the gate, she jumped in surprise

"Rose, how did you get here, oh my you not dead are you ?" she looked really worried I laughed and shock my head

"I read your journal, I didn't think I would be able to do it the first time I tried but here I am" I smiled, she looked shocked and a little bit scared which worried me why would she be scared of be being able to do this, this is what she wanted me to have the journal for wasn't it ?

"that's fantastic it took me at least a year to learn how to come here, you must be good" she laughed but again it was filled it fear, of me, I tried to push it aside for now until I felt able to ask her why

We walked inside and again she made tea, I waited whilst she fussed around and then was seated before I began

"is Vlad here, I need to speak to you both ?" I smiled and sipped my tea

she was confused but nodded

"Vlad sweetheart, could you come here please I have someone I want you to meet" she called

we waited a few moments then a tall man walked in and joined us, he was fucking stunning, tall with a muscular body which was not normal for a Moroi, a head full of lush dark hair that fell into his eyes which were a pale green, they were stunning, his lips were plump and pink when he smiled I nearly melted where I sat. I had been expecting an old man for some reason even though I knew that here they could change their age but still I wasn't expecting Vlad to me a fucking hunk.

"Hello, I'm Vlad" he smiled and held his hand out to me

"hi, Rose Hathaway" I kinda stumbled as I spoke still dazzled by him, his head whipped round to see Anna

"the Rose you've been telling me about ?" he looked surprise, what was it with people being surprised around me did I just have this effect on people or were they just a little weird ?

"oh I'm so sorry, how did you die ?" he was concerned I laughed and that startled him

"sweetheart she is not dead just visiting" Anna laughed along with me, it took him a few moments to catch on and laugh with us he sat beside Anna and they waited for me to begin

"so what did you want to talk to us about ?" she whispered

"I found him" I couldn't keep my excitement out of my voice or off my face

"you found who ?" Vlad muttered but Anna had a lovely smile on her face

"you mean it you found him ?" she gasped and I saw tears run down her checks, she turned to Vlad and smiled

"she found him, she found Adam" he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her with as much passion as he could and let me tell you that was a lot of fucking passion, you could tell they were so in love with one another, I smiled

"Adam ?" I whispered

"we were going to call him that but never got the chance to"Vlad's voice was spiked with sorrow when he spoke

"Anna he is beautiful, he has your eyes" I smiled and made her cry more, but they were happy tears .. I hope

"so how do I find someone here, do you guys have like a phone book ?" I sipped my tea but the look on their faces was identical, pure humour then they burst out laughing whilst holding each other

"a phone book for the dead ? I never thought of that" Vlad gasped in between giggles

"no we don't have one but if you need to find someone , you just think of that person and they will come to you" Anna managed to put on a straight face whilst she spoke but I could see humour still in her eyes.

I stood up and walked outside, they both followed me and waited as I stood at the end of the garden path, they watched as I closed my eyes and smiled, I thought of the beautiful women that held Adam in here arms and looked at him with eyes filled with such love, then I thought of Adam how he had his mothers eyes and how he had smiled at me, when I dared to open my eyes I smiled at Sarah was standing before me with Adam in her arms, I walked close and smiled

"Hello again Sarah" she nodded and smiled

"you also stranger" she laughed, I was a little taken back until I realised I had not told her my name

"oh, I'm sorry my name is Rose" I smiled, I looked down at Adam in her arms he was awake and watching us with a look of wonder in his eyes

"may I take him, that's his mother and father" I nodded behind me, when I looked Anna was crying and Vlad held her to his side trying to hold her up, Sarah smiled and handed Adam to me, as I walked down the garden path I could help but see the sweet little boy in my arms and think of my family. I stopped just in front of Anna and Vlad and smiled

"Anna, Vlad I would like you to officially meet your son Adam" I smiled and handed him over to his mother, how started to cry more, even though I didn't think it was possible to, she kissed him and whispered words to him and then handed him to Vlad, so she could pull me into her arms

"Rose I have known you a long time, and love you, you have given us the greatest gift you could ever give a person, how can we thank you" she whispered I shock my head and smiled

"no need for thanks" I smiled and turned back to Sarah, I took her hand and pulled her forward a little

"Anna, Vlad this is Sarah she had been looking after Adam whilst he has been here" Anna pulled Sarah to her and kissed both her checks

"thank you so much" she gasped, Vlad leaned over and kissed her check also, then turned back to his son and continued to smile down and the laughing little boy in his arms

"it was my pleasure he is such a good boy, I'm glad Rose found him, no child so go without their mother and father and vice-versa" she smiled, I could feel myself getting weak and knew I would be returning soon

"hey guys I think I got to go soon, I'll come again soon and see you" I smiled watching the family reunited

"thank you so much Rose, I will always be in you debt" Vlad whispered just as I was fading.

When I opened my eyes I found my self back in the room, and in body, I was crying I had made Anna and Vlad so happy, seeing her hold her son had made me realise something I longed to be a mother, to feel my child growing inside me, and then hold it and watch it grow while protecting it, I smiled a sad smile to myself, they only man I had ever wanted children with was Dimitri and even if I forgive him, we could never had a baby together or bodies did not allow it. That night I fell asleep dreaming, that myself and Dimitri some how managed to have a child together, my skin tone and hair colour, with his eyes and smile, it was the happiest dream I have ever had, but I knew I would wake up feeling regretful I had dreamed it as I had told Dimitri to move on with his life he need to find some one who could return his love and I would never have a child with him, but I didn't care for a few hours I would feel pure happiness as I held my imaginary baby in my arms and told him I loved him.


	16. Chapter 15

I've been in this BnB room for weeks I go out for food and to walk only so the old women that owns the place will not get suspicions I could spend every minute of the day reading from Anna's journal.

I'm more than half way through the book, I have read over 2 thousand pages and most things I understand but there are things that I assume were just random phrases

_'you will be brave and scared but assume position, feel the current run through you, guide it to your hands and push, eliminate your enemies'_

I had no idea what she was talking about but I continued to read, and through out I learned more about what I am, and the things I can and will be able to do, the more I read the more depressed I got, all my life I would be a walking weapon, people would try to use me for their greed and they would kill me to prevent me using them against them.

I would never be able to live a normal life like humans, Moroi or Dhampir's as I was not anything like them, I had been pretending to be human a few months ago but that was before I found out what I am to become.

There was one page in the book that almost convinced me not to fight, or to try any more.

_'this is the one thing in this whole book that brings tears to my eyes as a write, I lost my child many years ago and have soon found out that, most shadow-kissed will lose many children in their life time, our bodies are to complicated to handle, however it is not impossible, and is we do manage to bare a child, it will have no such affects that we have it will be born completely healthy and normal._

_But the chances of this are so high that if you do not handle heart break easily then I suggest you do not try to have young'_

I had felt my heart falter when reading this passage, my eyes were burning and I felt weak.

Now I knew while Anna had never tried again to have a baby with Vlad I thought it was because she couldn't bring her self to do it after the loss of her child but now I knew she could not bring herself to lose a child.

I may be brave and strong, and can handle most things but I had seen the look on Anna's face when she had talked about losing her son and I saw the hurt and pain. Then I remembered the look on Viki's and Christians face when Rosalie wasn't breathing when she was born and they had screamed and sobbed as I tried to revive her, I do not think I could go through that my heart would brake and my spirit would be lost.

I had not read any more that night I had cried until I feel into a comforting blackness and slept.

Since that night I have still felt a emptiness inside me but I have continued I vowed to myself that if I could not have my own child I would protect other's from the evils in the world.

I had learned more about my gifts and how to controls them once they came, Anna said she gained a new gift every few years but some how when I remembered Mason's words 'your advancing quicker than her' I new I would be facing new gifts soon.

I had read about the one I got a few weeks before, when I was fighting the Strigoi and I had felt a new rush of energy run though my body and I was stronger, faster and more dangerous, I had been pulling the darkness from them and using it to defect them.

It was kinda like what I used to do with Lisa, I would pull the darkness from her but before it had made me angry and lash out. But my body and mind had found a new way to use it, I pushed it into my body and it helped me fight better. The more darkness I pulled into myself the more dangerous I was and when fighting a group of Strigoi it came in useful.

It was 3 weeks after, I found the book I discovered a new one, my body could bend and stretch in different ways then should be possible.

I was fighting a Strigoi, and he caught me of guard and his fist was about to hit me straight in the nose when my body leaned back my head was touching the floor, then I straightened up and staked him, he had been so confused my spine should have snapped like a twig with that bend but I felt, strong and it felt natural to bend that way.

I had visited Anna and she had just laughed, Vlad had smirked "now that's a gift I can remember, the way she used to bend..." and he trailed of into his memories, Anna had blushed and wouldn't meet my eyes, I had burst out laughing startling them both "that could come in handy" I giggled in-between gasps.

Anna and Vlad have been so happy since Adam came home, he has his own room its pale blue with race cars every were, you could see the light in their eyes now and the love in their eyes when they look at him, when I visited last he was not the same child he was maybe 2 or 3 years old running around the garden whilst Vlad chased him, I was shocked and confused

Anna smiled "he felt unhappy when he didn't have his mum or dad, so he stayed the same small baby, but now we are reunited he will grow and change until he is happy with a certain age, which I think he will wont to stay young" I nodded even though I was still confused and shocked.

He was beautiful he looked so much like Vlad but with Anna's eyes, his dark brown hair fell in curls around his face and he had an adorable smile.

The women who owned the BnB was getting a bit weird with me, so I decided it was time to leave, I packed my things and headed off, I didn't know or care where I was going as long as it was somewhere warm, and with a bed.

I didn't go far just across the river and a few miles away some were called Seaham, I got off the bus at the coast, it was beautiful, there was a little cove, surrounded by rocks and rocky banks, the sand was mainly small pebbles and the sea was dark and ice cold but sitting the watching the sun set was so relaxing.

I had been sitting the for hours just reading, when I felt my stomach churn and my palms get sweaty, there was 6 behind me, just watching, I put my book away and stood up, they were edging towards me thinking I was human but soon realised I wasn't when the first tried to grab me and my stake was resting in his chest. Then the battle began, but I was put off, my body was shaking and I felt hot, it was running through my body making me shake, the I remembered her words

_'you will be brave and scared but assume position, feel the current run through you, guide it to your hands and push, eliminate your enemies'_

This was it, what she was talking about, I concentrated on the current running through me and felt as if I could grab it and drag it around, I smiled when it reached my hands, they were burning a bright red, it looked as if my hands had been stripped of their skin, I looked up and to see their faces they were confused and yet they stood their instead of running, I turned so that I was facing them, all 5 stood together waiting for my attack but they didn't see it coming, I pulled my arms apart then slammed them together whilst a blood curdling scream escaped my body, the red current exploded from my body and ran out in front of me, they were knocked on their asses, I fell to my knees gasping for air, my lungs were tight and the air wasn't coming quick enough, the bodies in front of me were wriggling and crying in pain, I felt sorry for them, they were burning from the inside and it was my fault but they are evil creatures and they needed to be stopped.

Their bodies burned into ash while I was on the ground, I rolled onto my back still weak from this new gift, I was worried Anna said she got a new gift every couple of years I had gotten 3 new gifts in less then a year, I needed help

"Mason" I whispered but nothing happened

"Mason" I called a little louder

but the man that appeared in front of me was not Mason, it was Vlad he was smiling he came to sit beside me

"Vlad, what's happening to me ?" I whispered, I didn't have the breath or energy to talk above a whisper, he sighed

"not sure, my dear, Anna is worried but she has faith in you that you will be fine, she thinks that maybe you advancing quicker, as you are more open to the idea of what you are, you are stronger then she was at you age" she smiled I just nodded

"that was strange" I muttered, then I heard the most childish giggle that ever came from a grown man's mouth

"you were amazing, the first time Anna did that, I ran a bloody mile, I thought she had died but she was lying in a field, laughing"

I smiled he just sat with me not talking just watching the night sky take over the bright colours of the day. If I was going to be getting a new gift every few months many be it was better that I was away from my family and friends I could be a danger to them.

When he left he didn't say anything just smiled and kissed my forehead, then I was alone sitting on a beach in the cold night air.

I found a small BnB not far from the beach paid for 3 nights then went to my room, it was maybe 10 minutes before I fell asleep. My mind and body were physically running on dust, I need sleep more than I thought.

When I woke up I looked at my phone, I had slept for 2 hole days.

I got showered got dressed and went out, I walked around the streets just enjoying the fresh air, I found a little cafe down by the sea side it was small and quite, Perfect, I sat down and got a mug of tea.

I was sitting enjoying the quite when the last person I would have ever expected to walk in did so, she had not changed since I saw her last still beautiful and shy, but now she seemed as if she was alone, he had bags under her eyes and her hair looked unhealthy.

She did not see me, she ordered some tea and sat at one of the table's, she sipped her tea by herself I wondered where her guardians were, but they were outside, she should have had a near guard who sat with her at all time yet they stood outside talking, my hearing was great but hers was better and I could here them whispering to each other so she must have been able to

"she's is such a bitch" one muttered to another

"I hear she used to be an amazing person, kind, sweet and loving when she was younger, but not now" a second chimed in

"no wonder she has no one" the first smiled

I looked over to Lisa, tears were running down her face, as much as I disliked her I did not like seeing her this upset and to think that it was her guardians that were making her feel this way

"she used to have the best of us as her guardian, what's her name Janine's daughter ?"

"Rose Hathaway"

"that's her but she pushed her away until she left as her guardian"

"I heard she slept with the love of Rose's life"

"dirty fucking Moroi"

they stood laughing with each other, they must know that she can hear them, maybe not or if they did they were doing it to hurt her.

I looked over at her again, she was looking down at her hands, her body was tense and slumped over.

Again I felt sorry for her, she had no family, none of her friends talked to her, or so I hear, she is treated like royalty but behind her back people disliked her, this was never the Lisa I knew she was sweet, kind and every one loved her, either they liked her or not they had to admit she was a good person.

My eyes focussed and I could see the darkness swelling around her she must be using spirit more these days or maybe it was because I wasn't there to take it from her any more that just kept building up she had no way of realising it.

That's it, my mind suddenly put the pieces together, she was a bitch due to the darkness, or maybe she was just a bitch, I knew I should want to punch her face in but my heart still remembered the little blonde haired girl, that used to play dolls with me, and climb tree's even though she didn't like to, she did it to make me happy.

Her guardians were still outside laughing at her, they were pissing me off but I controlled it until one said something I could not ignore

"she's such a stupid whore I wonder if her family killed themselves to get away from her" they were laughing at this like it was funny.

I stood and walked out side, I tapped the one who had said this on his shoulder when he turned to face me, my fist smashed in to his face, he fell to the floor and the other's went to grab me, each facing their own hit and lying next to their friend

"You should be fucking ashamed, call your self guardians, I have met Strigoi with more sense of honour and duty they the 3 of you, you worthless pieces of shit, I ever hear about you talking about a charge you are protecting like that again I will rip you into pieces" I kept my voice low so the humans around us did not hear

they looked shocked but once was smiling he had a fucking nerve and he was pissing me off more as every second past

"yeah, you and what army, you stupid little blood whore" he whispered so low I could have missed it, to bad for him I did not, I grabbed is throat and cut his air supply officially

"I don't need no fucking army, I've killed more then you could fucking dream, you will be a fucking ant under my boot" I snapped, I pushed him back onto the ground I stood up and looked at the other's

"who is you boss ?" I muttered

"Guardian Smith, at the court, 3 miles from here" one answered seeing that I could harm them, they were willing to act friendly and tell me what I wish

"I will be returning to court and I will be seeing Smith and telling them of this incident, I assure you there will be consequences, you should be grateful I am allowing you so face punishment from them instead of me"

As I turned to enter the cafe, one grabbed my wrist, but when I turned and looked at his fingers around my wrist, he held his hands up to show he meant no harm

"what is your name ?" I looked ashamed so I answered

"Rose Hathaway" I smiled

with that they all stood up and bowed fast so that no human could have seen it

"forgive us, Guardian Hathaway, what we did was unacceptable"

I could not stand their and fight with them over this, I walked in the cafe grabbed my bag, with one last look at Lisa, she looked surprised to see me, but mouthed 'thank you' before I turned and left.

I was back at my room within 5 minutes and an extra 10 minutes everything was packed into my holdall and I was leaving, I got a cab and asked to be dropped of a mile from the court, it looked like a large school, with a fence running around it, no human would question it they would just walk on by.

I walked up to the main gate and the Guardian looked at me and smiled

"name miss ?"

"Rose Hathaway, I'm just dropping by need to speak with Guardian Smith" I smiled, it wouldn't hurt to be polite.

He nodded and allowed me to pass, this court was smaller them most and looked old, but it still had it's beauty.

I walked to the Guardian's dorm, and waited.

I tall Guardian walked over to me, he was thin, with dark hair but the odd grey hair was growing through, he was in his late 30's maybe, and looked like he had a hard life. There was a long thick scar along his left check, it looked sore but it was healed over.

" I hear you are looking for me, I'm Guardian Smith" he held out his hand, and I took it

"Rose Hathaway" I smiled, he looked taken back

"it's a honour to meet you, you are a legend among our kind, I hope you don't take this wrong but most were starting to wonder if you were a myth" he laughed I couldn't help but laugh also

"We've heard stories of you kills and your amazing fighting skills, its a honour just to be known as your kind" he smiled

"ok, Smith, I know you mean well but I kinda don't deal well with people giving me honour for killing, in my eyes its still killing" I spoke softly so not to show my anger, he nodded

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you" he looked ashamed I placed my hand on his shoulder

"I came here to report a few of you Guardians" I whispered low so no one else would hear

"is there some were more private we could talk" he nodded and lead me into a small room with a desk and 2 chairs, I sat and began to explain

" I was in a cafe when the Princess Lisa came in" I mentally slapped my self for using that name instead of her royal name but I continued

"she was sitting in a cafe alone, her guardians were outside, if I am mistaken one should have been with her in the cafe" I waited he nodded and looked down in thought

"I'm so sorry, I will guarantee her Guardians are punished, he looked at me and smiled but what I said next whipped that smile away

"that's not the worst of it" I muttered

"they were standing outside the cafe referring to her in such insulting ways, they even went as far as to call her a bitch and make fun of her families death, their exact words were 'maybe they killed themselves to get away from her', I do not assume to know what your guardians are taught here but I knew for a fact they learn about Moroi intense hearing, so if I could hear them then they must have known that she could" I took a deep breath he was about speak but I continued

"I regret to tell you I could not control my anger and shame at them, they are lowing the standards of our kind by being to disrespectful. I may have cause them some injuries not major one's but still, I have also made it known that in my mind they are not worthy of being guardians, and if not for the case of killing I would have strung them up myself" I wait for him to deal with what I have just told him.

"I feel ashamed that you have had to see that" he muttered

I was about to protest but he held his hand up and continued

"no, you can be kind and not judge but they are my men, they should have shown the princess more respect then that, I will be dealing with them myself, I hope you do not find me out of line by asking but the last I heard you hated the princess why would you stick up for her ?"

I laughed but it is a humourless laugh Smith see this and looked down ashamed that he asked

"I do not care for the princess personally no but that does not mean she should be treated like you men have treated her, she is Moroi, a royal and should be respected and protected it is the job we choice to do, and I take pride in my work, your men should now better, do not let person emotions get in the way of out job" I stand to leave

"Guardian Smith I will be leaving but I ensure you if I hear of this type of behaviour again I will come for you head, you are their leader so lead them" he does not say anything else he knows it is not the time to talk, so I leave.

I found a empty room, and slept my dream was plain and calm.

I woke up early the next day, it was ringing outside as usual, I was becoming used to the weather in England it was either raining, strong winds, thunderstorms, ice, snow or worse, there was very hardly a nice day but when they do have a nice day, it amazing and people make the most of them as it could be weeks or months before they see their next.

I got dressed and went to get some food, I found the cafeteria and got some food while eating, guardians would walk past and nod, I assume they have learned of my name as they always should respect to me.

Lisa walked in and stood in front of me till I looked at her

"Princess" I bowed in respect

"Guardian Hathaway, I wish to thank you for yesterday, you did not need to do that but you did and I am grateful" she smiled and waited for me to reply but I did not I just continued eating, when I did not reply she left with out another word.

I finished my food and went back to my room, I opened Anna's journal to the chapter about Bond mates then started reading about the Darkness

_'your bond mate will experience darkness, when using spirit however they will grow shadows even when they do not. We had the ability to take the darkness and shadows from them, if we do not the darkness changes tum into a different person._

_If you block the bond, or leave the shadows will continue to grow until they eventually kill you bond mate._

_I left Vlad for over 2 years once and when I saw him again he was mean, angry and alone. But it was not him, it was the darkness, after I took it from him, he was weak and slept for many days but when he woke he was the same old Vlad'_

So maybe it was the darkness I saw in Lisa yesterday that had made her into such a bitch, maybe she would still be the old Lisa if I had been around to take the darkness.

As much as I hated the idea I knew I had to, if there was some way to make her the old Lisa then maybe I should try after all she had saved my life. Even though I hate her with a deep passion I had to try.

I walked to her room and knocked I stood there waiting, she opened the door and I saw a moment of happiness flash through her then it was gone

"What do you want ?"she snapped, I almost turned and walked away, I did not understand why I was even trying when she was such a bitch but I still stood there

"we need to talk" I stated with no emotion behind it

"look just because you stood up for me, does not mean I like you, your still a fucking blood whore" she smiled

this made my anger break I grabbed her throat and pushed her into the room, slamming the door behind me

"just so were clear I hate your fucking guts and wish for nothing more then to drain the life from you myself" I snapped then dropped her to the floor

"but since you saved my life when we were younger I will return the favour by helping you and then we are even and I can fuck off and leave you to your pathetic life, which is alone and bitch I find that fucking great" is smiled a horrid grin and then walked over to her door locking it

"so what you gorna fucking kill me, well do it I don't care"

I turned and looked down at her she meant it she actually wanted to die, how low her life must be for her to wish that

"I'm not going to kill you, but if you don't shut up I will break both you legs" she pulled herself onto the couch and sat watching me, I sat in font of her looking into her eyes

"look you don't want to do this but you need to stop blocking me from the bond" I muttered she laughed

"why the fuck would I do that ?"

"so I can take the fucking darkness from you, now do it" I snapped, fear crossed her face and she nodded

I leaned back and for the first time in over 4 years I went into a part of my mind that I hadn't touched, I felt my mind resist and try to pull back but I pushed. It was like trying to move your legs after years of not using them, but after may be 20 minutes I felt it start to feel the old tingle in my mind, I just hoped after this I could put my walls back up.

Soon I could feel her again, I was over whelmed with her emotions, hatred, love, fear, confusion, scared, anger, panic and more, each was her and yet half of them seemed out of place, then I heard her

'I'm scared, why can't they see me, I'M HERE' she was screaming in her head, it was the real Lisa, she was stuck in there screaming at the world, I felt a tear run down my check, I opened my eyes and looked at her, her skin was pale and she looked tired

"what the fuck are you looking at ?" she snapped, I shock my head and closed my eyes again.

I waited another 5 minutes until I was fully inside her head, I could feel the darkness in there fighting against her conciseness, she was strong but it was stronger it was taking her from the inside and she could not fight it.

I stood and walked over to her, I looked into her eyes

"Lisa, I know you weak and want to rest but I swear to god you leave this body and I will come to the next life and drag you back kick and fucking screaming bitch so fight" I whispered the eyes that starred back were not hers and I could not trust her words so I listened inside for her

"Rose...Rose...Rose" she just kept repeating my name over and over again

"Lisa you need to push it, push it from you ok, I will take it" I smiled

I closed my eyes and grabbed her shoulders I could feel her trying to struggle to pull free but it was no use

"FIGHT" I screamed

and then I felt it, the cold feeling spreading into my body, and pulling at my skin, it made me feel sick there was so much of it and it continued to come, how the hell had she managed to stay in their with all this darkness, it was angry and fighting but I continued to pull it into myself.

I listened in her head her voice was getting stronger and she was making more sense, she was more aware of her surroundings, and she was fighting harder to be free.

Then it stopped and her body fell back against the couch, and her eyes closed.

My body was itching and was burning, I knew how to get rid of it, and I needed to soon or I would be fighting some poor guardians.

I closed my eyes and thought of a bright light, burning strong and filling my body, I slowly felt the darkness fade and I no longer needed to fight.

Once I was sure it was gone, I opened my eyes, Lisa lay their breathing she looked more like herself her skin had more colour and for a Moroi that wasn't much, the dark shadows under her eyes had gone and she looked peaceful.

I lifted her from the couch and placed her on her bed, pulling the sheets over her, I sat watching her sleep.

I knew it was darkness that made her such a bitch I knew that but I just couldn't forgive her for sleeping with Dimitri, maybe she had known what she was doing but maybe she hadn't.

I know I was selfish and petty for not being able to forgive her but I just couldn't. I couldn't be here to help her through this I need to be away.

_Dear Lisa_

_I have taken the darkness from you, you should be ok now._

_I'm sorry for not staying but it is to hard and I need time to think._

_Maybe I will see you again_

_Rose_

And after that, I went to my room picked up my things and left. My life just seemed to be getting so much more complicated as each day passed, it was making me dread waking up in the morning I was to worried about what the day would bring ...


	17. Chapter 16

I didn't know if leaving was the best thing to do but I just couldn't stay there and act as if everything in the past hasn't changed me, I know Lisa may not have been able to fight the darkness and that's what might have made her do those things but the things that stops me from going back is even if she meant to or not she still did them, I can't just forget those things.

So now am again living in some strange city, sleeping in a BnB and just reading and spending most of the days, walking around thinking, or fighting the odd stray I came across. Everyday wishing I was at home, sitting with my family eating dinner, or playing with Paul in the backyard, sitting under the night sky with Yeva.

Most nights I would cry myself to sleep thinking of them, I wonder how Christian is and the babies, although I guess now their not babies any more.

I wonder if Christian and Viki had their wedding yet, I so regret not being their to celebrate on their big day.

I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes, my mind knowing the feeling that was coming I felt free and soon I was opening my eyes to see Anna's small cottage, it never changed the flowers were always in bloom, the sun always shining. This place truly was a wonderful place, everyone was together, there was no pain or evil, you lived with you loved ones and never worried about what could go wrong. Even thought this place seemed wonderful I couldn't help but wonder if this was truly it or if there was more when you had been here for so long, did we move on to somewhere else did we get re-born I had asked Anna and Vlad once but they didn't know.

"Aunty Rose" a small voice screamed and pulled me out of my thoughts, I looked up to see Adam running towards me, he jumped at he and I caught him in my arms

"hey little man, where's your mommy ?" I kissed his check and smiled

"making cookies for me and daddy" he laughed and jumped down, then processed to drag me into the house

"momma, Aunty Rose is here for a visit" he called

"in the kitchen Rose" Anna called, I walked in and couldn't help but laugh her and Vlad were covered from head to toe in flour, they looked insane but were laughing and kissing, they looked so happy compared to the time I had first seen them.

"hey, just thought I would come visit" is smiled and sat down pulling Adam onto my knee

"are you ok ? Is everything ok back home ?" Vlad sat down beside me and kissed my check

"yeah, everything is ok I guess" I sighed

"Rose" Anna muttered in a clipped voice

"well I saw Lisa again and she was consumed with shadows and I took them from her she has had them a long time and its made me wonder if it was her or the shadows that made her do everything" I felt a tear run down my check

"well there is one way to find out, ask her" Anna smiled

"I don't think I can do that, Anna not yet anyway"

"I understand" she whispered and hugged me

I spent the rest of my time their playing with Adam in the garden or helping Anna out with making cookies, she really was an awesome cook, but soon I was leaving

"come back soon Rose" Vlad smiled and pulled me into a hug

"oh you couldn't keep me away" I laughed and bent down to kiss Adam goodbye

"see you next time aunty Rose" he smiled

I closed my eyes and felt myself fading, I tried to visit every week but sometimes I would forget. It seemed every time I did Adam had changed a little, his hair a bit longer, or his face a little fuller.

I was sitting in my room, reading when their was a knock at the door, I assumed it was the young girl who owned the building, she often came up to see if there was anything I needed.

I pushed my book under my pillow and opened the door, my breath caught in my throat and I couldn't help but smile.

My dad, the one man who could have found me when I didn't want to be found, stood at my door smiling and holding a bag of doughnuts

"hey kiddo" he smiled

I couldn't reply I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into my room

"how'd you find me ?" I whispered

"well I've been trying for some time now, but you are one hard girl to find when you don't want to be, but when I herd you were in England and had seen Lisa, I came straight here"

by now I was stuffing the doughnuts into my mouth

"does any one else now where I am ?" I really hoped no one else knew I couldn't stand if more people I loved started showing up, I wouldn't be able to leave them again if they did

he shock his head "not even your mother, who is going bonkers" he laughed.

We sat and talked for hours, I told him about my time in England about the people I had meet and my new gifts, I also told him about Anna's journal that had been helping me, he didn't seem worried he simply replied 'no daughter of mine would be anything less then magnificent' I had laughed thinking he was joking but he was being serious, he told me about my family, he had been visiting often to make sure they were well and had everything they needed.

Christian and Viki had postponed their wedding hoping that I would have returned by now, they celebrated Rosalie's first birthday, Yeva was holding the family together, and my mother had been staying with them for a few weeks, she wanted to get to know them better, that made me smile, the idea of my blood family spending time with those who might as well be my blood.

Lisa had talked to Christian and apologised for everything she did and wished him all the best with his life, and asked if some time in the future when she was better if she could go to Russia and see him, Viki and Rosalie, he had said that he would love her to come.

That made me sad how come he could have forgive her and I couldn't.

My father went out to get us some dinner, while he was gone I went in the shower and got dressed, I had just dried my hair when he came back.

We sat eating out food and laughing

"so when you coming home, kiddo ?"

I shrugged my shoulder's

"I'm not sure dad, I not sure where my head is at yet" I smiled

"well I was thinking you get on a plane with me, we get to Russia tomorrow, well land a hour before Christian's wedding"

he had a small grin on his face, he knew who much I loved Christian and would give anything to be at his wedding

"OK, dad I'll come for the wedding but there is no guarantee that I will be staying very long" I muttered I watched his face, to see if he understood me.

"I understand, and you might want to get packed we leave in a hour" he laughed. So he had known that I would agree, fucking sneaky old man. I got everything packed and we headed off.

We were on the plan and I was sitting looking out the window, I would be sad to leave England, the weather is crap and there isn't much to do but the spirit and soul of the people is so awesome.

My dad hadn't spoke much on the plane apart from to tell me that no one knew and it would be a total surprise to every one. I just hoped they understood when the time came for me to leave again.

Finally after what seemed like forever the plane landed and I couldn't sit still, I wanted so badly to see my family. My dad had a car waiting for us and within minutes of the plane landing we were driving on out way to the house.

I had the biggest smile across my face the whole ride, I couldn't wait to see them and hear about what I had missed. I hoped they would forgive me for leaving and would not be upset to much.

When we turned the corner I could see the house, the back yard had a big tent looking thing and there was thousands of candles in little jars, they shinned in the night sky it looked amazing. I knew Christian and Viki would want a wedding in the evening an close to home, and well I don't think you could get closer then in the back yard now could you ? .

We pulled up and I could hear the music and laughing but as we got closer it turned in screaming and the music was cut off dead, I turned to my father to see him watching me

"stay here, do not follow me, do you understand ?" I whispered, he just nodded instead of speaking, I left my bags with him, I was glad I had comfy clothing on, I had changed on the plane, simple plain black jeans, a black vest, my military boots and of course the one thing that I wore always my weapon belt.

I crept around the house and could see my whole family and friends backed up against the far wall, none of them saw me and for that I am grateful, in front of them with their backs to me I counted 60 or more Strigoi, and I could hear more coming, from the west side of the house, I listened to the foot steps, another 37 to make that a total of 97 Strigoi, my family could fight but they would not endanger the other's this way.

Whilst watching them, I saw Lisa, why was she here that's all I need the princess being in danger, in that moment I couldn't believe after everything I was still willing to fight to save her, but tonight I would be fighting to save a lot more, I was trying to save my family.

My family and friends were pushed behind the guardians, My mother, 3 of Lisa's guardians 2 of them were the one's I had hit for talking about her in a disrespectful way, there was Christian even thought he was a Moroi he was still willing to kill to save his family and with his finance and child here he would fight as good as any one, then there was the love of my life, Dimitri, he stood there with his guardian mask on, in a crouch ready for attack, he looked like a true god. My heart was screaming at me when I looked at him but I had no time for it at the moment I needed to think and come up with a way to save them.

A tall, dark hair male began to speak, so I assumed he was the leader

"when my sources told me that there was going to be a gathering of Moroi and Dhampir, well I just had to come say hello" you could hear the smirk in his voice, wait his voice it sounds familiar

"to have such people, as the Princess, Guardian Hathaway, Guardian Belikov, well it was worth the trip" he started laughing and the other's joined in I used this as a chance to move, I was over the fence and crouched behind the garden bench, right behind the Strigoi but they were to preoccupied to notice me, along with every one else.

"What do you want ?" my mother's voice was bold and strong, she was born to be a lead, I smiled to myself.

"well you see since I killed your daughter, I thought it only far I come to finish her family" he was such a bullshitting twat but he knew this would get my mother to slip up and it almost worked if not for Yeva

"Janine do not move" Yeva snapped

she did as she was told, and stayed on the stop, but you could see she was dyeing to go after him.

While they were talking I grabbed my stake and coving the mouths of the Strigoi I staked 25, without alerting the other's, I kept moving around the group until some one spoke my name, and my attention was alerted

"my Rose would kick your butt" this voice was very high pitched and small, I aloud my eyes to wonder the group and see who had spoke and standing at the front of the group was Rosalie she was small but she held her self as if she was 10 ft tall, she was bold and her jaw was in a hard line, she looked adorable.

"well child, I will enjoy drinking you blood or maybe I could use you as a blood whore" he snapped that was it my anger controlled me, I stood up quickly taking 6 more of them with me, I took to steps forward and then snapped

"say that again" I shouted to him, he slowly turned round to meet my eye, the other's moved from our path

I herd gasped and my family muttering my name

"Rose" the leader whispered "the one and only" I smiled I couldn't help it but to see a deadly killing monster stopped in his tracks by a girl was just amazing, it was worth all the pain I went through and I predict will go through.

He seemed to gain his self again and looked over to his army, when he realised his numbers had lowered he looked over to me, I held up my stake

"they didn't even see it coming" I smirked

A primal growl escaped his lips

"kill her" he snapped, the moment his words left his mouth, I was surrounded by Strigoi each looking for my blood, my family tried to moved to help

"don't move" I snapped

"Hey Kiddo" I looked over to see that during all this my father had joined my mother

"give them hell" he laughed, my family was looking at him like he was mad, but he knew of my new gifts and of what I can do.

Then it started my stake was penetrating bodies, left right and centre, my body was moving faster then I have ever recalled, my flexibility came in handy, I herd Rosalie cheer for me but it was my mistake I looked over to her and smiled and I gave a Strigoi the chance to get my stake's from me along with my weapon belt, I stood there and was momentary taken back, not once has any one ever been able to get my stake away from me, but to be truthful I didn't need it, a dark smile crossed my face

"get the little ones away now" I muttered but I knew they herd me as one of Lisa's guardians got the children and lead them inside, as much as they moaned they went with him.

I kept fighting but I was just punching, kicking and throwing until the kids were gone, then the fun began, the first to come at me was a female, in her late 20's when she was turned, she might have been beautiful before but now all I saw was the evil smile and the red eyes.

She ran at me but I was quicker, I flipped and my fist went though her chest, her face as a mixture of hatred and surprise, I twisted and with one final pull her heart was out.

"what the fuck" I herd Dimitri moan, It was very uncommon to hear Dimitri curse in English but when he did you knew it was for real.

My father was in fits of giggles by now

"she's magnificent" he gasped

I finished most of them the same way but they seemed to keep coming, I slowly backed up so I was standing in font of my family, 20 more Strigoi had just arrived, and they looked fit and ready but they had not seen my greatest trick yet.

I felt my mother's hand on my shoulder's

"baby, do you want some back up" she whispered in my ear

"no mam, I got this covered, how many so far any one kept count" I laughed of course it would be Yeva so answer, she always kept count of my kills

"you've killed over 78 so far" she smiled

I mouthed 'missed you' she laughed

"so Rose what now, you just going to keep fighting you'll get weak before we will" the leader spoke again

I stood tall and aloud the darkness to be sucked into my body there was so much, I have never taken this much before, I began to shake, some one behind me when to touch me, but if they did it would kill them

"don't touch me" I whispered and they stepped backwards

"Christian babe, you still there ?" I gasped, the darkness was making me weak I needed them all in one place and unable to run so that I can send one blast and get them all

"Yeah, sexy am still here" he was standing beside me smiling

"i need you to round them up for me" I smiled he understood me, and a ring of fire went around the Strigoi making it impossible for them to run, I took the last of the darkness and a small cry escaped my lips

The current was running through my body making me tired and hot, as before I guided it to my hands and held them out, I took one finale look at the leader and smiled, he looked worried then scared, I wonder if Strigoi fear death

"FFFUUUCCCKKK" I scream as the familial blast shot through my hands and spread out towards them, they were gasping and then they were burning.

Once the last of it left my body I fell to the ground, I waited and watched when I was sure all were dead I patted Christian on the hand telling him he could stop the flames.

Then I was gone the relaxing, peaceful darkness took me and for once I was glad for I needed the rest.

* * *

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**fantasygirl607**


	18. Chapter 17

Before the darkness used to scare me and I would have been terrified to use my gift as they left me physically and emotionally drained and I knew I would be eventually dragged into the darkness but now it was something soothing and familiar to me, I liked the time I spent there as I would clear my mind whilst my body rested.

Before the darkness used to scare me and I would be terrified to use my gifts as they left me physically and emotionally drained and I knew I would be eventually dragged into the darkness but now it was soothing and familiar to me, I liked the time I spend there as I would clear my mind while my body rested.

Some times I would create allusions to keep me entertained, I could visualise myself being in the olden days, going to a grand masquerade ball, it would be held in a large hall with thousands of candles flickering around the room, there would be a grand staircase that the guest would walk down and the others already in the room could admire the couple walking down.

Red and white ribbon tired around the structure, black walls with a grant mirror on one wall, small tables scattered around the outside of the room, there would be an amazing orchestra at one end of the room, playing beautiful music and the couples would be dancing in the centre, whilst others gathered to talk around the edges.

Everyone dressed in amazing dressed and suits, masks worn by everyone in different styles and colours, then men would have a simple mask with less decoration but in their suits they would look equally beautiful to the women at their sides.

I would stand at the top of the staircase watching the crowd below, my dress a tight corset and the the skirt flared out and trailed behind me, it fitted my body perfectly and as always was a blood red and black colour. My mask was the same style of my dress, black with a red pattern around the eyes, a red feather at the side. My hair fall lose around my shoulders, my skin glowing in the candle light as I stood there and waited for my prince charming to come and sweep me off my feet.

As I start to give up hope that he will come for me, his warm hands snake around my waist and his breath tickled the back of my neck

"may I have this dance, my love" he whispers to me, in a husky voice that sends shivers down my spine causing a smile to brake across my face

I hold my hand out to the side of my body accepting his offer and wait for him, his slides under mine and that is when I truly see the beauty of this dream, he is wearing a black suit with a white as snow shirt under it, his waistcoat blood red along with his tie, almost as if he was dressed to match me and me alone.

He wore a black mask with red pattern down the left side, it covered both eyes and the left side of his face, his hand small white diamond shaped jewels around the eyes, from where his brown eyes bore into mine. His lips held the most mouth watering smile upon then as he kissed my hand.

"always" I smile and we started our descent down the staircase and into the crowd of people, everyone's identity secret and the fun was in the game, but would always know my prince no matter what he was dressed in.

We spin around the room with such grace and ease, smiling and laughing, the music was in the background along with everyone else in the room, there was only myself and my prince holding each other and taking in the beauty. Myself and Dimitri.

It was always him in every one of these dreams, it didn't matter which one, lovers in Paris, star-struck lovers in Hollywood, a soldier and a maiden and so many more. It never worried me which dream it was he was always there and that was all I needed.

I could feel myself coming out of the darkness, my body must have recovered or else I wouldn't be waking, I waited and slowly could start and understand the voices around me, I was becoming aware of someone sitting on me laughing

"she's gorna wake up soon, right daddy ?"

"yeah, baby just leave her alone to sleep"

I knew their voices instantly Christian and Rosalie.

"Daddy, Auntie Rose is way bad ass" the little girl sighed

I could hear Christian's laughter as he left the room, but the little girl remained sitting on me

"hey, when you going to wake up ? I've missed you, you've been asleep for ages, you need to wake up" she was whispering in my ear.

The idea that this small child had missed me so much made me want to cry, I had missed so much and yet it felt as if I never left.

She remained with her face really close to mine, I slowly moved my hands without alerting her that I was awake, I kept my breathing steady and waited for my best timing.

I opened my eyes the tiniest bit, she wouldn't have noticed if she had been looking at me be she wasn't, her eyes were closed and her face as inches from mine, she lay on my chest propped up on her elbows, I opened my eyes and starred at her she was really beautiful for a child, her breathing was steady and she was so quite, she opened her eyes and looked straight at me

"BOO" I shouted

I scared the hell out of her and she screamed as loud as her little lungs would allow

she tumbled of the bed on landed on the floor with a thud, I could not control my laughter at this she was panting heavily and remained on the floor, tears were in my eyes from laughing

"Hey Christian, I think I just killed your kid" I laughed, I heard footsteps pounding on the stairs and up the landing until they came to the door, Christian, Dimitri, My mother and my father stood at the door way looking at me.

I was laughing to hard I fell of the other side of the bed, I just lay on the floor laughing, I heard Christian start laughing but he was quite as not to upset his daughter, who by now was standing looking at me with a very displeased scowl on her face, she looked so cute, which only made me laugh more.

I stood up and placed my hands on the bed for support

"I .. think ... I ... just ... popped ... a ... lung" I gasped in-between laughs

"Auntie Rose that was not funny, I nearly wet myself" she snapped, I could see that she was not happy and I tried hard to restrain my laughing

"ok, ok, I'm calm" I muttered

I looked at her and smiled, I held my arms out for her but she didn't budge, I took a step closer and smiled

she must have seen the evil glint in my smile, as she bolted from the door and was down the stairs with me following behind her

"Paul" she screamed as she ran, then as soon as I was in the kitchen where my family was, I was knocked to the ground with a very excited Paul sitting on my legs laughing.

I lay on the ground and pulled him into my arms

"hey Pot, I missed ya" I smiled and kissed his nose

"I knew you would come back" he whispered in my ear and smiled.

"Would I ever lie to you ?" I smiled, he shock his head then he got off me, he expected me to get up myself, but I couldn't be bothered, he had just turned to walk away, not the whole family was in the kitchen

"Hey Pot, ya just gorna leave me down here ? Get your skinny ass over here and get me off this floor" I laughed

He held his hand out for me and pulled with all his strength to get me up, I pretended he did more them what he did but his smile was just an amazing thing to look at.

I sat at the kitchen table every one looking at me, the kids were in the living room eating breakfast, the others had already had theirs, the wonderful smell of bacon was drifting in the room, it was making my mouth water, my mother was about to ask something but I held up my hand

"Paul" I shouted

"yeah Flower ?" he muttered

"you mind sharing your pig with me" I laughed, I smiled when he came in the kitchen and handed me his plate, full with bacon

"love ya Pot" I smiled and kissed his nose

"forever and always, Flower" he muttered then returned into the living room.

I was picking at the bacon, when I felt the smack across the back of my head, I turned to see Yeva glaring at me

"God, Yeva smacking someone who's just been unconscious may not be a good idea" I giggled and saw every one else smirking

"you angel, are a danger to my health, you once said I would be the death of you but I am sure its you that will kill me if you kept running off and then passing-out when you come home".

She tried to look angry but ended up smiling and kissing my forehead

"missed you also" I muttered and continued to eat, every one was watching me like I was going to explode

"For fuck sake, please stop eye fucking me" I snapped, every one looked ashamed apart from my dad that just burst out laughing at my use of words.

"I don't know what you laughing at old man, I get it from you" I smiled, he reached across the table and kissed my check

"you kiddo, were fucking awesome, even better than I've saw when in England"

what ? I didn't know he had seen me fight in England, he had arrived only the day we left, that sneaky old man, he was here a lot longer than that, he smiled when he saw I worked it out.

They let me finish my food without asking any questions I washed my dish and sat back down and smiled then it started

"hunni, what happened to you ?" my mother whispered

"nothing, I just learned a few new tricks" I was confused why they assumed I was not me any more, I was me just a little different.

"so how did you do it ?" Christian muttered, I knew what he was talking about but I looked at him, and raised my eyebrow (yes ladies and gentlemen I have learned to raise one eyebrow, after years of admiring Dimitri do it) he asked again on his question

"how did you do the black ball thing ?"

"I just suck in the darkness and make it, its nothing complicated"

"its fucking amazing" Christian smiled

I could help but laugh, he was the same old Christian who I loved so much.

"it takes a lot out of me that why I tend so sleep for a while after, how long was I out for ?" I smiled

"3 days" my mother whispered

I looked around the table my whole family was here with a few extras Yeva, Olena, My mother and father, Dimitri, my sisters, Christian, the kids were in the other room, Lissa and a few guardians.

I smiled at Lissa

"nice to see you again Lissa" she seemed surprised that I had spoken to her

"you also, I can never thank you for helping me fight back" she muttered.

Her guardian's bowed to me

"Hathaway" they saluted

"I hope you have learned from our last meeting" I warned they nodded as did Lissa, I smiled

"what happened last time you saw them ?" Viki laughed when she saw the look on their faces

"she kicked our asses, we were being disrespectful to the princess and she broke my nose for it" he laughed.

"I take it you already know my family then" I smiled, she nodded and sipped her tea

Paul and Rosalie came in to join us, Paul jumped onto my knee and pulled Rosalie onto his my family sat laughing at this, I had always been extra close to Paul from the moment me and Christian first came to Russia

"so what have I missed, Paul did you finally ask little Lucy out ?" I smiled, he blushed a deep red and nodded

"awesome, she pretty" I kissed his forehead, this must have been news to the family as most of them seemed shocked that he had a girlfriend

"and when did you get a girlfriend little man ?" Yeva laughed

"I liked her for a really long time, so flower got her some flowers" he started laughing and turned to me

"flower got her some flowers" he laughed, "anyway I gave them to her when flower left, she told me I had to man up and be the little dude she loves so much" I kissed his check and smiled

"what about you, princess ?" I nudged Rosalie and smiled

"well I have a boyfriend but he died, so I only see him when I'm asleep" she muttered, now that was fucking confusing Christian looked to me and shrugged

"what you mean ?" Viki muttered, her worry was showing in her voice

"He came with Mason one night, and he asked if he could come back and he does, his name is Adam" he smiled, she was very proud of her self, I was in shock, I mean fuck me my niece was dating Anna and Vlad's died son Adam, and it was Masons fault

"well fuck a duck and see what hatches" I muttered, before getting smacked across the back of the head by Yeva for swearing

"tell Adam aunty Rose says hi, and that I will come see him soon" I smiled, and put both her and Paul on their feet, just in time for Karolina to take them to bed

"Rose, what going on with my daughter ?" Viki whispered

"she dating my nephew Adam, he's Anna and Vlad's little boy, I guess Mason had been watching her still" I smiled at the thought of Mason staying in her life to make sure she is safe.

"oh so perfectly normal than" Christian laughed, but it was a nervous laugh

we continued to talk for sometime but it was getting late, and they started separating so they could go to bed. However after sleeping that long I was not tired at all I sat out side with the blanket and a cup of tea expecting Yeva to join me but it was Lissa who came out tonight, I smiled at her. We were not on the best of terms but we were better then we were before.

"hi" I smiled

"would you mind if I joined you ?" she whispered.

I shock my head and she came to sit beside me.

"Rose, you can not even imagine how grateful I am that you got rid of the shadows, I spend many years just screaming away in my head never being herd" she sighed

"Lissa its ok, you don't have to thank me any more" I smiled

"I know Rose but I do have to explain a few things" she got comfy beside me and continued

"it started after we got back to court after saving Dimitri, I felt the shadows but when I was keeping you out so that I could help Dimitri I was locking them inside my head, they kept building up and before I knew it there was so much of them, I don't think I ever truly knew what I was doing until I had already done it. I will swear to you Rose I did not do it to hurt you, I did truly think I had feelings for him, but I knew he never loved me he had always loved you" a single tear ran down her check

"Lissa, you don't have to do this, its in my past you should just let it go and move one" I pattered her hand but she shock her head and continued

"I was angry and shocked when he refused me, I wanted him and I saw that after everything I did I deserved him, I never loved him I just wanted him as in a possession, its scares me to think about what I was like" she said that she wanted him as in a possession, I remember that, that was how Dimitri had felt about me when he was a Strigoi.

"I am so ashamed to tell you this Rose but you need to know, I have not been able to tell him yet but I will as soon as I tell you, I am so sorry and you may hate me even more after you hear this but I need to tell you" she took a deep breath, she was making me nervous

"I used my gift on him" she muttered, it was so low I was not sure I heard her right, I looked at her and raised my eyebrow

"as in you used compulsion on him ?" I asked

she did not speak she just nodded her head and sobbed, I could help but feel protective of her after all she had been my best friend most of my young life.

"Lissa that is a very horrid thing to do to a person but I know personally that you were not yourself when you did those things" I whispered

"you need to start and forgive yourself" I smiled and stood up

"come on, its been a long day I think we could both use some sleep" she took my hand and we walked into the house, I bid her good night then went to my room, I opened the door and was about to turn on the light, when I noticed him, curled up on the bed he locked like a god, his skin was glowing in the moon light that came through the window

he lifted his head and looked shocked

"Roza, I'm sorry, Yeva told me to take my old room, I will leave" he started to get his things, I shock my head and sat down on the bed.

"Dimitri I think its time we talked" I smiled

He sat beside me and turned so that we could see each other's face.

"Dimitri, Lissa has just told me something I think you need to know" I whispered

I told him about my conversation with Lissa, he looked ashamed and angry, I explained that she was not herself and that I knew that personally from being in her head.

"I'm sorry" he muttered

"Don't be, maybe if we had talked before now, this may have been resolved by now" I smiled

"I don't blame you for not wanting to see or speak to me, what we did was something that can not be forgiven, I can not imagine what you went through" a tear ran from his eye, down his check and fell onto his hand that rested on his leg.

I have not been this uncomfortable around Dimitri for some time, and yet I sat here and my heart felt warm and fuzzy.

"I went looking for you when you left before" he smiled

"why ?"

"I have always loved you and still do, when I read your letter and you told me you loved me my heart was pounding in my chest, I had waited so long to hear if it was still even possible for you to feel any love towards me, but hen when you told me to move and on find someone else and have a baby, it ripped from my chest again, I needed to find you to show you that I was going to fight for you, I travelled every were, I was even in England for some time but I never found you or any trace of you, I have only been back home for maybe 3 months" he smiled

We starred at each other, just looking into each other's eyes, I had missed them so much and yet I saw them every night in my dreams, they were the eyes that always me smile and think of love, it was in these few small moments that I realised I had forgiven him a long time ago, I just needed him to fight for me.

We sat and talked for hours, just talking about our travels he asked about what I did in England, I told him about Lou and the guys and about going to uni, he liked the idea of me learning about vampire's as myths, he laughed.

He told me about, travelling around searching for me, and about meeting new people, but most of all he told me of how much he missed me.

I told him about some of my new gifts and about travelling to the world of the dead, about Anna and Vlad and their little boy.

He was interested in Anna's journal, I told him that one day I might let him read it.

We were sitting in silence just relaxing and enjoying being around each other this way.

"Roza do you think you could ever love me again ?" he whispered into the dark, I smiled to myself

"Comrade I have never stopped loving you, I always have and always will" I felt his hand moved from his leg and cover mine, his finger entwined with mine, it felt right and safe, I smiled.

It had been a long time since I used his nickname, it gave me butterflies to say it, he was the love of my life and I wanted so badly to be with him but we needed to work together to rebuild the trust before we could be truly together.

I slid under his arm and rested my head on his chest

"Roza, I will do anything to prove myself to you, you are my everything" he muttered as he kissed the top of my hair.

"its gorna take time, to gain my trust but we can try" I whispered, he lay down on his back and pulled me down with him, I lay with my head on his chest, it wasn't long before I felt my breath slow into a sleepy pattern, just before I fell asleep I heard Dimitri whisper

"You are my Goddess, I will show you that I worship the ground you walk on, I love you my Roza" he kissed my forehead and then I was sleep


	19. Chapter 18

I woke up in Dimitri's arms my back was to his chest and he was still asleep, I didn't want to move I just wanted to stay in his arms smiling into thin air.

Last night had been the first night in so many years that my heart had loved without feeling broken, Dimitri told me he would gain my trust and I couldn't deny he needed to, even though he had no control over the actions that tuck place that night when I had seen him and Lissa together, even though I knew he loved me, it didn't stop me from feeling betrayed, and it didn't make the knowledge of knowing they had slept together, his lips pressed up against hers, his hands holding her body, the two of them sharing something as sweet and loving as sex.

It my skin crawl and my heart pound in my chest, I knew I loved Dimitri like nothing else in this world, I always had and yet I still could not bring myself to see past this completely. Maybe all I needed was time and to be reminded of his love for me.

I got out of bed slowly trying not to wake Dimitri and got dressed, I didn't think anyone would up when I got into the kitchen it was still a little to early, however the further she walked she say Yeva sitting at the able sipping a cup of tea, she always was the first awake I should have known

I sat down beside her and smiled

"you do not know how pleased I am to have you home with us again"she whispered, I simply smiled

"I have missed this house and every one in it"

We sat in silence enjoying just being around each other again, I don't think I could have ever realised just how much I had missed home until this moment, Yeva had always made me feel safe and protected, which coming from me sound strange as I can protect my self but she always looked out for my well-being, helped me when I felt as if life couldn't get any better she always told me

'You will see in the end everything is better and if its not then it's not truly the end', that one phrase was guaranteed to make me smile.

"so Ангел I did not notice my grandson on the sofa this morning, so I assume he has been forgiven" she whispered but I could see that she was very pleased, I felt my checks changing into a burning pink, I sipped my tea hiding my smile.

"Yeva you know very well that I had forgiven him a long time ago, but my heart and brain are not always on the same page" I laughed, she simply nodded

"Ангел are you sure this is what you want ?" she muttered

"Yeva, I have loved that man, since I was 17, and I still feel the butterflies when he touches me, and my body does strange things when he smiles" I felt embarrassed at admitting that but Yeva was a mother and grandmother of course she would not mind.

"I'm so glad that you have forgiven him, I now how much he adores you, when you left he wept so much for you, I have never seen Dimitri look so broken" she looked away and I saw a tear slid down her check

I wrapped my arms around her waist and hugged her

"Yeva, that grandson of yours is everything I want and need, but he has to prove that I have not forgiven for nothing" I whispered in her ear, she laughed and went to get ready for the day, I sat at the table a little longer and watched the morning sky through the window.

It wasn't long before I was joined by someone, I looked to see Lissa and Christian sitting beside me smiling

"good morning" I smiled

"morning, sexy" Christian muttered, he never was much of a morning personally

"good morning" Lissa whispered

"so babe, I think we should talk" Christian smiled

"ok, what's up ?" I sighed, I wasn't really in the mood for talking I just wanted to relax

"well Lissa, has explained everything to me, and well you already know I have forgiven them, maybe you should forgive Dimitri, its plain to see that man worships you" Lissa nodded to show me she agreed

"I already have" I smiled and walked from the kitchen

I went back to my room, Dimitri was still sound a sleep I got changed in my training gear, which consisted of black jeans, black leather coat, my weapon belt, black sports bar the back of it was thin so most of my tattoos were viable, when I was in England I still continued to get them, they now covered my whole back, my sides and some had started to work there way across one side of my ribcage. I tossed a long sleeved black top over my arm with my coat.

I walked back down stairs, to find most of the family sitting in the kitchen having breakfast, when they saw me they all smiled, I knew Christian will have told them about my news.

I tossed my coat and top on the counter and went to sit for breakfast with my family, I turned to see every one there starring at me

"what ?" I muttered

"how many do you have now ?" Yeva smiled

I shrugged my shoulders and smiled

"not sure, I lost count but if I keep going I'm going to run out of room, but these 12 on my neck each one stands for 25"

I grabbed a plate and Yeva filled it with bacon and eggs, they continued to stare at me

"Kiddo, did you ever think about ya know keeping a journal to recorded them or soon you're going to look like a cheetah with all them spots" my dad laughed, it lightened the mood in the kitchen

Dimitri came down the stairs and said his good mornings, every one was watching when he came and kissed my check and sat down beside me.

Breakfast went by quite fast, every one was sitting laughing and smiling, I had missed this having the whole family around the table talking with each other.

I had finished my food, Dimitri had hold of my hand under the table on my leg, I kept seeing him in the corner of my eye watching me with the biggest smile on his face.

Once every one was finished, I stood and grabbed my top pulling it on and then my coat, I kissed Dimitri on the lips and then turned to leave

"where you off, Kiddo" my dad smiled

"Hunting" I laughed and was out the door and running down the street, I was in the town down from ours this one was human, and there was Strigoi here.

I started my daily routine, I sliced my hand and placed bloody hand prints on the walls and lamp posts, leading them out to a quite field, that was in cover so no one would see me.

I sat in the middle waiting for them to arrive, but instead I sensed someone else I ran over to the wall to see Dimitri, my mother and father, Lissa, Christian, Rosalie and Paul

"what are you doing here ?" I snapped, there Strigoi were going to be coming first

"we wanted to watch you train" my father laughed

"do you know how dangerous that is, leaving your blood every were" Dimitri muttered

my laugh startled them all

"do not doubt that it will work" I looked over to see them coming

"stay down and stay hidden" I whispered then turned and ran into the centre of the field

"arw my sweet your blood is such a treat" one laughed, I could help but smile

"well what can I say, other than thanks" I smiled my man eater smile at him, there was 12 of them they were close to me, the tale blonde male that had spoke was within a arms length way, he lent in close and smiled

"i will love kissing your slender neck, what is your name my beauty" he whispered in my ear

This was when the fun began, I smiled

"Rose Hathaway" I whispered to him, his jumped back and a growl escaped his lips and he lunged at me

my stake was in his chest before the others moved, but as soon as his body hit the ground they attacked me, one by one they fell, it seemed stupid to use my gifts on them, when I could handle them with just my stake.

Each one that feel the next started to fight harder, they seemed to be pissed of with me for each of them I killed, it was very strange I had never seen a Strigoi fight harder when one of his group was skilled it was as if they were a coven.

When the last dead I cleaned my stake and walked over to my family all peeping at me from behind the wall, Paul was the first to talk

"Flower that was awesome" he shouted, then jumped in my arms I hugged him them placed him on his feet.

"that was training" Dimitri laughed

I kissed his lips and smiled

"I've missed your kiss" he whispered in my ear

my dad just hugged me and smiled, we started walking back home

"never do that again" I muttered to them all

"I can never tell how many will show up and if they smell you, I'll be fucked, and you Lissa were the fuck is your guardians" I snapped

"i told them to stay at home, I had your mother and Dimitri here" she laughed, she didn't understand how much dangerous she had just been.

I turned to my mother and Dimitri

"you both should know better to bring this lot out without more help" I scowled themselves

"since when did you become all knowing" my mother's tone was hard and cold, for the first time I looked at her and noticed she was scared and yet very jealous of me, she had liked being Guardian Hathaway that name had made people fear her and show respect now when she said her name people would recognise her as Rose Hathaway's mother.

"I will not change who I am for you, you think I wanted this to be a freak, to have these gifts that scare the fuck out of me, there are things about me you will never be able to understand, I can never change who I am, I am forever stuck like this, my life will never change I will die still fighting, I can never be a mother, not because the man I love is Dhampir, but because my body will never allow me to have a child I will never be able to feel a baby growing inside of me.

You are angry because you are no longer the great Hathaway, would you rather be like me, and never be able to relax if I get pissed off I could kill someone without even thinking about it, I can suck the life out of people just by looking at them" I took a deep breath tears were now running down my face

"of all people I thought you would be the one to tell me I was welcome not push me always because you don't like that I am a better fighter" I snapped

I couldn't watch her no more I ran from them and returned home, Yeva was in the kitchen but I ran straight to my room and shut the door, I had never cried like this in a long time, my own mother hated me just because I had surpassed her, my heart was breaking all over again.

I grabbed my towel and jumped into the shower, I just stood there an let the hot water run across my skin, it was so relaxing.

By the time I had finished my shower I had come to the conclusion that I didn't care, I couldn't change what I was and I don't think I would just for her, with my gifts I could help people and set souls free, she didn't understand that she would always be the greatest fighter to me, as it was her that had made me want to become a guardian, she would always be my mother, my hero.

I got out the shower, wrapped in a huge white fluffy dressing gown I walked into my room to find Dimitri sitting on my bed

"hi" he smiled, I went over to him and cuddled into his side he kissed my forehead

"I'm sorry, you had to see my melt down" I whispered

"don't worry, you seemed pretty upset are you ok ?"

"yeah I was just surprised that she would think that of me, she will never understand what I go through just to get up and dressed every day"

I felt my heart pounding in my chest and a lump in my throat making it hard to swallow

"can I ask what did you mean you can not be a mother" he whispered, I could tell he didn't want to ask in case it upset me.

I got off the bed and walked over to my bag, I pulled Anna's journal out and started to read him a passage

_'this is the one thing in this whole book that brings tears to my eyes as a write, I lost my child many years ago and have soon found out that, most shadow-kissed will lose many children in their life time, our bodies are to complicated to handle, however it is not impossible, and if we do manage to bare a child, it will have no such affects that we have it will be born completely healthy and normal._

_But the chances of this are so low that if you do not handle heart break easily then I suggest you do not try to have young'_

I turned to face him, he had tears in his eyes, I smiled at him but it was a small sad smile.

"I am so sorry, Rose" he whispered

"it's ok, I have come to terms with it, besides the only man I have ever wanted to have children with was you, so I'm not losing out on anything" I smiled.

He pulled me into his arms, I sat on his lap with my back to his chest

"I love you Rose, you are the only person I have loved" he whispered

"I love you too Dimitri" I smiled

"this may be a bit personal but have you been with any one else in the past years ?"he muttered

"well, about a year after me and Christian first came here, we tried begin together but we were just meant to be friends, but other than him no I've been with no one else"

He nodded against my hair "did you sleep with him ?" it was so low I barley heard him

"yes we made love"

"have you been with anyone ?" I smiled, but there was nothing but panic in my eyes that he had, that maybe he had found someone else other than me, even though he had told me that he loved me I couldn't help but worry that he may also love someone else

"other than the one you no of, no I haven't"

So he had only ever slept with me and Lissa and I had only ever slept with him and Christian, that was extremely weird but I could help but smile.

"in that passage you read, it said Anna had a child Would that be Adam that you spoke of, Rosalie's ghost boyfriend ?"

"yeah, he was still born, they never got to meet him, Vlad was his father, when they died and went to the dead world they could find him because they had never seen him, so when in England I found his grave and called his ghost a women showed up with him her name was Sarah and she had been looking at him. Eventually I was able to return him to Anna, his name is Adam" I smiled

"so you found there child for them ? Rose you really are an amazing person"

His lips meet mine they were just as I remembered soft and filled with passion.

I knew we should be taken things slow after all we had only just gotten back together yesterday, but when he kissed me like that I just couldn't help but let my heart lead me, my lips never left his, I turned around and straddled him, I began kissing down his neck and in the hollow at the bottom of his throat, a growl ran through his chest it sounded fierce and wild but it was sexy as hell.

I pulled his shirt up and ran my tongue down his chest, he pulled my lips back to his, and things started to get a little to heated, he was in his boxer's and I in my thong and bra, when I pulled back and took a deep breath

"we should wait" I gasped, he just nodded

I climbed off him and walked over to my draws, I got a pair of shorts and a strap top.

His hands wrapped around my waist

"you are the most beautiful women I have ever seen" he whispered in my ear and kissed my neck

I could feel just the kind of effect I have on him, from his member digging into my butt, I laughed

"you're getting a little to excited" I whispered against his lips

he laughed and pushed me against the wall and kissed my breast, he hands explored my body making me moan and my breathing coming in quick short gasps.

I pushed him off me and smiled, he let me get dressed and we walked down for Dinner holding hands.

My family was sitting around the table we joined them and once everyone was finished we went into the living room and I put the movies that I had taken from Lou and the guys, I sat and watched my family, talking and laughing and I couldn't help but smile, I had never ever in my life been this happy, I had the man I loved at my side smiling at me, my parents ,my grandmother and second mother along with my sisters, brother and the kids. My life was good.


	20. Chapter 19

**(A Year Later)**

Its been a year since I returned home, I have never been so happy, I continued to fight and train, my mother and I sorted our problems out and we have never been stronger together, my father continues so bug me but I love him with all my heart after all he is as he says 'My Biggest Fan', my mother and father were doing good together and were expecting my little brother who was due to be born in less then 9 weeks, I was so excited when they told me I had always wanted a sibling and now I have a whole family and more to come.

Yeva had continued to be my shoulder to lean on, she is old but she would never allow herself to look that way she is a strong, independent women, I remember a few months back my father had offered to carry her bags in case she hurt herself well my father had been the only one that got hurt when Yeva smacked him upside the head for calling her an old women.

Rosalie and Paul were growing up fast they were starting to grow into their personalities. Paul was still going out with Lucy the girl from across the street, Rosalie had broken up with Adam when they realised he was dead so it wasn't going to work, I could help but laugh when she told me that conversation. She now had a crush on a boy from down the street called Liam, he was a cute kid, dark curly hair and massive blue eyes.

Viki and Christian were expecting their second baby a lovely little boy, he is due in about 4 months, I had never seen them so happy, well expect when they found out Viki was pregnant with Rosalie. They did eventually get married after the whole failed attempt last time, it was beautiful day and everyone had been here for it.

Lissa had returned home for a short time but come back to visit and chance she gets, she met a man called Eric, he's a royal like herself they got married and are expecting their first child. Eric is a good man and he adores Lisa with everything in him. Myself and Lissa have got a good relationship, I don't think we will ever be as close as what we used to be but we have gotten to a good stage, we talk all the time and we have been using the bond a lot more, she asked me to return with her and become her guardian but I was the guardian to my family they came first to me now.

Dimitri and I are amazing we have been going strong for a year now and are still going good, I never regret my decision to be with him, he is the love of my life and I will never be as happy as he makes me, he continues to surprise me every day, he will make plans like picnics and walks, romantic meals and more, just to keep me happy.

The first night I made love to him had been so amazing I felt as if I should have been doing all my life, he was my other heart, he completed me

_(flashback)_

_I wrapped my arms around his neck, and pressed my lips to his_

_"you are my prince" I whispered against his lips, thinking of all my dreamed when I go into the darkness_

_"you are my goddess" he smiled_

_Our kiss became more fierce and we needed to feel more of each other, I pushed him onto the bed, and straddled him._

_We had been back together for 5 months now and he had never pressured me into anything, he waited until I was ready in my own time._

_We began to get heavy and most of our clothes were removed, I allowed him to roll me over and take control._

_Before he entered me he kissed my lips and whispered that he loved me, being together this way was amazing, he would allow me to take control if I wished and vice-versa._

_We moved together, we fit together like one piece like ying and yang. He made sure my needed were being met as well as his, he was a very generous lover._

_We came together and lay in each others arms, he kissed me and smiled_

_"I never want to be without you, you are my life"_

_We fell asleep in each others arms, I slept with a smile on my face._

_(End Flashback)_

I walked into the kitchen for breakfast, Viki and Christian were at the midwives, Rosalie and Paul had gone out with his mother, My mother had gone back to her work not long ago, she wanted to work for a little while longer before Leo was born, my father did not like this idea but he would do anything to keep her happy, so went with her so he wouldn't miss anything.

Dimitri was still asleep, so myself and Yeva sat in the kitchen with some tea talking.

"Hunni are you ok ? You've seemed a little sad lately" she smiled

"yeah I'm ok, just been feeling sick for a few weeks" I yawned

she nodded and got me some more tea, I was tired and yet I had slept all night.

Dimitri joined us not long after, kissed my lips and kissed his grandmothers check

"good morning" he smiled

"so any plans for today ?"Yeva smiled, she was hiding something from me I could feel it

"well I'm talking Roza up to Swallow lake today" he muttered and didn't say another thing throughout breakfast, before I knew it were were in the car heading out.

The car ride was quite we listened to music and I watched out the window at the landscape, it was beautiful.

It took 3 hours to get to the lake, when we got there Dimitri lead me down to the water, it was the most beautiful place I had ever seen, the water was clear, wild flowers grew every were in every colour, there was tale trees down the sides, each growing different fruit.

We sat with our feet in the water, I smiled and I felt Dimitri's arms around me, it was paradise, I could imagine a more beautiful place on earth and to be here with the man I loved made it perfect.

"you are what makes my life perfect, I want to ask you something" he whispered, I turned around to face him, in his hand was a little blue box he opened it and smiled, inside was Yeva's wedding ring, it was silver with 3 little stones on it, I had always thought it beautiful

"will you be my wife" he whispered, it was simple and yet held so much in those few words, I didn't need to think about it at all I already knew that I was meant to be with Dimitri for the rest of my life

"forever and always" I smiled, he slipped the ring on my finger and kissed me.

We made love right there, in that paradise, we remained at the lake side until it started to get late, I was curled up against his side for the drive home. I couldn't keep the smile of my face I was going to Dimitri's wife forever, he will never know how much this meant to me, he was going to be my husband, I fell into the most peaceful sleep.

I woke up just before we arrived home, he held he close to him as we walked into the house, Yeva was already smiling, of course she would have known she will have seen it and gave him the ring, which was now on my hand.

Everyone was gathered in the living room, I walked in and smiled

"guys Dimitri asked me to marry him" I held my hand out and was surrounded by congratulations and screaming, everyone hugged me.

Rosalie sat on my knee and Paul was a my side while, my sisters were already planning my wedding.

I called my mam and dad and told them then I phoned Lissa, they was over the moon for me.

That night I dreamt of my wedding day and how everyone was there to celebrate that I had finally married my prince and was going to live happily ever after.

The next day was horrid, my sisters were rushing about planning my wedding, Yeva was shouting at Christian and Paul, for running around chasing each other while she was trying to cook, Olena had taken Rosalie out shipping, Dimitri was shouting at my sisters for poking and prodding him trying to find the right colours and flowers.

I was sitting outside on the bench just trying to relax, Lissa, my mom and dad were arriving tonight to see me, they were staying until after the wedding, travelling too much wasn't good for the babies.

I was feeling quite sick today, I was tired and I had been throwing up all morning. I was bored and decided to call Anna for a chat.

She sat beside me and smiled it had gotten easier for them to come to me now, since they were used to it so it took less time

"hey Anna"

"well hello Rose, we have missed you its been so long since you last visited, Adam has missed you terribly" she smiled

I missed that little boy he had such spirit for a dead child.

"I know I'm sorry but things have been kinda busy" I laughed

"I know we've been watching, we are so happy about you and Dimitri, you make such a cute couple" she smiled

"thank you"

I felt my stomach twist, it was starting to piss me off, maybe I had a cold or food poising

"are you ok Rose ?"

I nodded, and took a deep breathless

"yeah I just think I have a bug or something"

she had a strange smile on her lips and she wasn't telling me something

"Anna what do you know that I don't ?" my voice was low

"well you don't have a bug, but I do know something you don't" she laughed I didn't say anything I just nodded for her to continue

"Vlad replayed you for finding Adam for us, but don't ask how because even I do not know how he did it"

either she was trying to confuse me or my brain just wasn't getting it, I felt very slow today

"I'm confused" I muttered

she nodded "yes so was I but believe me this is something that you will be forever grateful for, but he does not want your thanks this was the only way he could think of repaying you" she smiled and kissed my check and leaned in close to whisper to me

"this little one will be a blessing" she whispered whilst placing her hand on my stomach, again I was confused as fuck then it hit me her hand on my stomach _'this little one' _

I looked at her and began to cry, I was pregnant but then I remembered her book, there was a extremely high chance that I will lose this baby

"he shouldn't have done that, I am not strong enough to go through losing it" I sobbed into her shoulder

"you will not this child, this baby will survive Vlad has made sure of that, have you not noticed that there had been very high fertility in this little house lately, your mother, sister and best friend all within a few weeks of each other" she smiled

My child would survive, I was going to have a healthy baby with Dimitri

"how ?" I stuttered

she just shock her head

"I have no idea, he tried to explain but I just didn't understand" she laughed

"Rose I must be going now, just look after that little one, I recommend you do not come visit us until after the birth it might be hard on your body" she kissed my check

"thank you Anna, tell Vlad he will always be in my heart for this" I smiled and then she was gone.

I just sat there starring into sky, my hand on my stomach and tears running down my check, I was finally going to be a mom, I would feel my baby growing inside me.

I really couldn't think of anything I would want in my life that would make me happier.

Dimitri came out and sat beside me, she saw the tears and pulled me closer

"Roza tell me what is wrong" he whispered

I shock my head, there was nothing wrong everything was perfect

"I'm pregnant" I sobbed, I was so happy but Dimitri thought I was upset about this, he knew about my condition that I would lose most children I conceived

"I'm so sorry Roza, we'll get through this" he pulled me to his chest and I heard him start to cry

"no this baby will be fine, Vlad did something to ensure it, he's also the reason why my mom, Viki and Lissa are pregnant" I smiled

"so our baby will be alive and healthy ?" I could see the worry in his eyes, we would love a child but he did not want me to go through the pain of losing one.

I nodded "this baby will be perfect" I smiled

I was lifted into his arms and spun around with him laughing

"I can't believe were having a baby" he sobbed

I kissed his lips and smiled

"were going to have a baby"

his lips were against mine the moment I finished speaking.

I hated hospitals, it's the smell of bleach it always makes me feel sick, sitting in the waiting room my heart was pounding, it had been a week since Anna told me I was pregnant, and every day since then had been amazing my family was over the moon, I had waited till my mam, dad and Lissa hate got home before I told every 1 Lissa forgetting that she was heavily pregnant jumped of the sofa and pulled me into a bone crushing hug, my mom had started crying and hugged me. her and my dad had started planning how they were going to take their son and grandchild out and celebrate birthdays.

Yeva had just smiled and nodded, of course she would have known about it before then.

Christian and my sisters had all wanted to plan a big baby shower for all 4 of us, Paul and Rosalie were happy they was going to be more babies to play with, Paul wants a boy and Rosalie wants a girl.

Sitting here waiting for the doctor to call my name, is one of the most nerve racking things I've ever done, Dimitri sat beside me with his arm around my shoulder, he hadn't been able to wipe the smile of his face since the moment I told him.

I had never noticed before but I had a bump in between my hips, it was quite large but I thought that maybe I was just having a big baby, I rubbed circles on the bump and smiled.

"Miss Rose Hathaway" the doctor called

we stood up and walked into a small room, I climbed onto the bed and lay back.

"now if your ready we'll take a peck at your baby" he smiled and rubbed some jelly on my stomach, when it touched my skin I gasped the thing was freezing, Dimitri kissed my forehead and smiled, I was about to ask him if he was ok, when we heard the heartbeat, it was strong I turned to face the doctor he was looking at the screen with a puzzled expression.

"is everything ok ?" I muttered

"well their both fine but the heartbeat is a little confusing" he smiled, I looked at Dimitri and he was just as shocked as me

"excuse me did you just say both ?" his voice was confident but I could see the confusion in his eyes

the doctor looked at us and laughed

"you didn't know ?" we both shock our heads

"I just assumed with you being this far on in the pregnancy that you would have been told by your other doctor" he laughed

"we only just found out I was pregnant a week ago, and how far along am I ?" my voice was quite and shaky

"well from the size of the babies your almost 4 months"

my mouth was wide open, I could catch my breath, I had been pregnant for over 4 months and never knew, how was that possible but Dimitri's voice pulled me out of my thoughts

"what did you mean about the heartbeats ?"

"well you see their heartbeats are in sync with each other, there hearts beat together"

"is that a problem ?"

"oh no, its just very rare, from the monitor they are both strong and healthy" the doctor smiled

I released a breath I didn't know I had been holding, he turned the screen for us to see our children, they looked liked babies, I didn't think they would

"but if I'm nearly 4 months, and theirs two in here, then why is my bump so small ?" I whispered

"well they are small babies, but healthy they may just be small boned babies" he seemed confident in this so I assumed he was correct.

"well since you here would you like to know the sexes ?"

Without even thinking both Dimitri and I nodded

"well you see this one on the right he's a healthy little boy"

"and this one on the left is a little girl"

I felt tears running down my cheeks, having one baby would have been everything to me but having a boy and a girl that was more then I could explain, my life would be complete I was having 2 healthy children and I was soon going to be Dimitri's wife.

The doctor wiped the jelly of my stomach and went to print our pictures off, when he came I was wrapped in Dimitri's arms smiling he handed us 3 copies of our babies and told us to return in 3 weeks for a check up.

The drive home was quite, I couldn't help but smile I was rubbing my stomach when I felt it, a small push against my hand I gasped and started sobbing Dimitri pulled over and turned to me

"Roza are you ok ? Do you want to go back and get checked out ?" he was worried but I just smiled and pulled his hand onto my stomach I rubbed it the way I had been and felt the little push again, he started laughing

"oh my god, one of them just kicked" he gasped

his lips met mine and I felt such love and passion, my body wanted to jump his bones right here in the car, but that was just hormones.

"you have no idea how happy you have made me, Roza I will forever love you and our children" he whispered against my lips

"Dimitri you and these little one's are everything I have ever wanted, its a dream come true" I smiled.


	21. Chapter 20

Day turned to weeks and weeks to months, I had been due to give birth 2 weeks ago, some days it seems as if I had just found out I was pregnant and time had gone by so fast but on the days when my back hurt or my feet swelled, my hormones would make me burst out crying for nothing then it was a living hell being 2 weeks over my due date.

Viki had given birth to my nephew with Christian at her side, to my relief he was born with no complications, Rosalie had refused to leave her mothers side so was there during the birth, but she acted grown up and held her little brother, Alic Belikov Ozera, while we helped Viki change, she talked to him and smiled. He was smaller than she was, with bright blue eyes and blonde hair, he looked so much like Rosalie.

My mother gave birth to my brother, Leo Anthony Mazur Hathaway, my father had wanted his name added to his son, he told me it was nothing against me and that he would like to change my name also if I would allow it, I agreed so now my name is Rose Belikov Mazur Hathaway, it was a bit of a mouth full but it made him happy, Leo was beautiful, he had my fathers eyes and hair the same as me, he was tanned like myself and my mother, he had an amazing smiled.

Not long after that Lissa had given birth to a lovely little girl, named Anna-belle Dragomir, they had given her Lissa's name to continue the Dragomir line. She was long and slim, with blonde hair and blue eyes, she was of course a Moroi as both her parents were, she looked so cute, she had no teeth apart from her baby fangs, which Paul thought were amazing that even as a baby they had fangs.

I was so pissed off at watching everyone else have their babies and I was still huge, I could hardly walk now that I was over due, they loved to kick the hell out of me from both sides at the same time, just to see if they could.

Dimitri would laugh and think it was so adorable, I had gotten really upset one day when he laughed when they kicked together and I had cried, so I ended up getting angry and kicking him in the nuts and I quote 'every time they hurt me and you laugh I will hurt you' since that day he would try not to laugh or he would leave the room and laugh, it still bugged me but I was just very hormonal and tried.

My dad had gotten the family a gift, when several houses went up for sale on our street he bought then so we would be close by to each other and still have our own personal space,our house was on the end of a row that he had bought, Myself and Dimitri had got the one next door to Yeva and Olena, Sonya was staying in the house with them, my mother and Father the next along, Christian and Viki got the next, then Karoline and then on the very end was Lissa's, she had decided to move over to Russia but she often had to return to court for meetings and parties but she always returned home after.

I had cried so much when my father had told us what he had done, I loved having my own home with Dimitri but the fact that it was right next door to Yeva and my parents was perfect.

It was kinda perfect timing as there would have been 13 adults and around 10 children all living in one house it would have been like a made house.

My father had each house decorated and furnished, he had gotten the nursery sorted it was pale yellow, with white furniture, we had a play room right next door then there was mine and Dimitri's room, which meant when the children were older they could have their own rooms.

Today would be my 2nd week, 3rd day over my due date and I was getting very pissed off, why the hell wouldn't they come out yet.

I was sitting watching tv with Yeva, we were watching something about Wolves, I wasn't paying much attention to it, I sat watching Dimitri playing in the garden with Paul and Rosalie, he was so amazing, he was sexy as hell and very charming, I had never felt so happy then when I am with Dimitri, at night he would list reasons why he loves me and our children, he was everything I ever needed or wanted and he knew it.

That's when it happened I felt the worst pain ever shot through my stomach and then my water broke, Yeva jumped up and looked at me with a smile on her lips

"its about time" she sighed and helped me upstairs

"Dimitri" I screamed as we pasted the door, he came running and froze when he saw me

"they're coming ?" he muttered

"yeah now help me up stairs" I smiled

Its wasn't long before my whole family was here, my contractions were less than a minute apart, Yeva would be assisting the doctor in delivering the twins, every one was chased from the room apart from, Yeva, the doc, Dimitri and my mom, she held my hand and Dimitri held the other, then it was time to start pushing

"Come on Rose, you need to push" the doc kept smiling at me, I wanted to knock the smiled of his face, he didn't know how much this fucking hurt

"come on baby, you're doing great" Dimitri muttered, I grabbed him and pulled him close

"your never touching me again" I snapped, every one had just laughed at me, but I didn't find it funny I was being serious, all this pain just so he could get his leg over, I don't bloody think so.

I knew I was being melodramatic but it was only to be expected I mean I am the biggest drama queen they know.

After a hour of pushing my little girl was born, Yeva cleaned her up and placed her on my chest, she had my dark brown curls and Dimitri's warm brown eyes, she was so amazingly beautiful, holding her in my arms I realised just how much having these babies meant to me, when I had read in Anna's journal that I might never have a child it had broke my heart but I had come to terms with it, and I thought that I could live my life without experiencing this but now I know I could never be as happy as I am right now, Dimitri was the love of my life he meant everything to me but holding this tiny little person in my arms was the happiest I had ever been, even Dimitri had never been able to fill my heart completely and yet this little girl had done it with one look of her big brown eyes.

It wasn't long before i needed to start and push again, my mother called my father into the room

"Dad, you wonna hold your grand-daughter" I smiled and he took her in his arms, he walked out the room as soon as I had started screaming again, and again the pain was unbelievable, I don't understand how any one would want to do this again, after doing it once, it hurt like hell.

I was getting really tied and didn't want to push any more, Dimitri was trying to get me to push but it wasn't working

"Come on Roza push, he's almost here" he whispered

"Dimitri, I'm to tired just let me sleep a little while and I will after" my eyes were slowly closing

"Roza you push now or I will never forgive you" he snapped, I knew he was only doing it to get me to push but the tone of his voice still sting

"for fuck sake, hell have no fury like a pissed off Russian cowboy" I muttered to myself but I heard Yeva burst out laughing along with my mother and the doc, Dimitri had simply smiled and kissed my forehead, I did what he asked and I pushed as much as I could, and after 10 minutes our son was here, again Yeva cleaned him up and placed him on my chest, I sat with him for a few minutes then handed him to Dimitri, when I stood up I gasped my stomach was back to normal, no stretch marks or anything, it was as if I was never pregnant.

After I cleaned myself up and got in to a pair of joggers and one of Dimitri baggy tops, I walked back into the room every one had left and Dimitri lay on the bed, smiling at our son and daughter, I lay on the other side of them, our little boy was closest to me, he smiled up at me and I kissed his check

"do you have any names in mind ?" Dimitri muttered

"I was thinking about Blake for him" I smiled

"its lovely, maybe Lilly for her, name her after a beautiful flower like her mother" he looked up at me

"perfect", I kissed his lips and smiled

"lets go introduce them to the family", I carried Blake and he carried Lilly, we walked into the living room were the whole family was sitting, my mother was feeding Anthony, Christian was playing with Alic and Lissa and changing Anna-belle, they all looked up at us and smiled as we entered the room holding the two newest members of the family

"Guys id like to introduce you to Blake Hathaway Belikov" I smiled and handed him to Yeva every one smiled

"and his would be Lilly Hathaway Belikov"Dimitri handed her to Olena, they all passed them around smiled, kissed and talked to them.

Paul sat down on the sofa next to Rosalie

"can we hold them" Paul shouted over the noise, I nodded and lay Blake on his knee then lay Lilly on Rosalie's knee, they sat there for over an hour just smiling and playing with them.

Christian came and sat beside me handing me Alic

"Who would have thought the great Rose Hathaway is a mom" he laughed, I joined him, being careful not to wake Alic.

It was late when we took them home, we put them to sleep in the nursery and lay on the couch, I was so relaxed it had been a busy day and I was enjoying just sitting with Dimitri

"I can't believe we have them" I whispered

"they are so beautiful just like their mother" Dimitri smiled

"are you coming to bed ?" I yawned.

That night I had the most peaceful sleep ever, Dimitri got up for the feeds and aloud me to rest.


	22. Chapter 21

Never in my life did I imagine, I, Rose Hathaway would be getting married to the man of my dreams and have two wonderful children but here I am standing in white at the bottom of the garden starring into the eyes of my soon to be husband.

My Nieces and Nephews made their way up the path covered in rose petals, each as beautiful as the next, then my mother and brother, smiled their way up and the moment of truth the music kicked in and my fathers kiss pulled me from my thoughts

"you look beautiful sweet heart" Abe smiled and I swear the god damn Russian vampire mobster was crying, I couldn't help but smile

"don't get soft on me now old man"

"mommy you look pretty" Lilly whispered from my side, and then she grabbed Blake's hand and dragged him up the path, my hands were shaking, a lump in my throat and I gasped for air

He got closer and closer, until I realised I was the one that was moving, his smile never failed to amaze me and yet I couldn't look away, he was my everything, my world

"amazing" I herd him muttered as he took my hand from my father and turned to face me

"never will I be able to contain my heart around you Roza" he smiled and kissed me

"hey your not ment to do that yet" Rosalie called from her mothers side, causing the crowd to laugh

"couldn't resist" he laughed and the victor began his work, I paid little attention to him and tuned most of it out, I watched as Dimitri listened, I turned to sneak peaks at the crowd to see the kids pulling faces at me and trying to make me laugh, Yeva sat at the front and smiled, she looked so pale and weak and yet she had the biggest smile on her face I think I ever saw

Lisa stood beside her husband and Anna-bell on her hip, I had be worried that my friendship with Lisa would never be as it was but I was wrong, over time she became the sister I once had and needed

_'Love you' _she smiled as I caught her message, we had developed our bond so that I was able to hear her again, it took time and a lot of work but it was worth it

Dimitri's hand squeezing mine brought my attention back to him, I smiled as he started his vows

"never in my life did I dream of marrying a goddess, but then I met you along time ago but never will it fade from my mind, I will forever be yours and do anything you ask of me, you have given me everything I could ever want, a beautiful wife and two amazing children and I look forward to growing old with you, surrounded by grandchildren, my Roza"

tears ran down my cheeks, I was breathing in shallow pants trying to get control over my emotions,

"Rose its your turn" the victor whispered, I took a deep breath and opened my mouth but nothing came

"Roza" a deep voice whispered

"Roza" again, I turned to look for it but couldn't find it, it sounded like Dimitri yet his lips were not moving

"Roza" again, things started to get fuzzy, I couldn't hear things and my eyes hurt

"Roza you need to wake up" and it was gone, I opened my eyes to the painful sun light and wanted to cry


	23. Chapter 22

Dimitri stood looking at me with nothing but pain and sorrow in his eyes, he gave me a weak smile and pulled me into his arms

"you need food, Roza, come down I made breakfast" he whispered I didn't trust my voice I simply nodded and aloud him to pull me from the room, I had no want for food but he would only worry

"were are the children ?" I muttered

"they are waiting for you, they've missed you babe" he smiled and it was genuine, as soon as we turned the corner into the kitchen I saw my beautiful babies waiting for me

"momma" Lilly smiled and ran to me, she was so like me, curly brown hair down to her waist, chocolate eyes and a cute ass button nose, yet she was calm and patient like Dimitri I smiled and kissed her nose

"hey button" I looked up to see Blake watching me "what no kiss for your mom," I laughed

"always for you momma" he laughed and hugged me, having them with me now is what I needed

I sat down and watched as Dimitri placed a plate of food in front of me, my stomach turned at the sight of it but I forced myself to take a mouthful, chew and swallow, then repeat

_mouthful, chew, swallow_

_mouthful, chew, swallow_

_mouthful, chew, swallow_

After maybe 10 minutes of this I had eaten everything and turned to see Dimitri watching me, he smiled but it didn't quite meet his eyes, his hands intertwined with mine he leaned over and placed a kiss on lips, it was soft and filled with so much love and smiled

"I'm going back upstairs" I muttered and lifted myself out of the chair, I kissed the kids and then headed back up to her, I would sit at her side like I have for the past week trying to guide her back to us

"good morning Yeva" I whispered as I sat back in my chair and took her hand in mine

"wont you wake up soon ? We need you …... I need you, please just wake up Бабушка"

and still no change, she had been like this for 2 weeks now and I new what was coming but I did not want to accept it, I needed her to wake up but she showed no sign of waking up, the rest of the family had accepted it they had all said their goodbyes but I held on, I held onto my hope that she would not leave yet

I lay my head down and felt the tears running down my check, my gasps for breath the only sound in the room, I felt myself slipping out of my body and floating, I new where I was going I didn't need to concentrate any longer I simply went there when I needed to

"hello Rose" Vlad smiled, as I sat in their kitchen

"hi" I sighed and gave him a small smile

"there is still no sign Rose, she is still wandering" he placed his hand on mine, and the tears started running down my check, where she was I couldn't go, I could be here in the world of dead or there in the world of living but Yeva was in neither

"where is Adam and Anna ?" I smiled

"she has taken him to see Sarah Beth, she really enjoys seeing him grown up"

"that's really nice that she is staying in his life …. I mean death …. no, I mean .. I'm confused" I growled at myself, but was shocked to hear Vlad's quite laughter beside me

"you always make me smile Rose, you are my favourite living person" he laughed

"well your one of my favourite dead people" I smiled

"I better be going" I sighed and stood up, Vlad pulled me into his arms and kissed my forehead

"maybe it is time for you to say your goodbyes to Yeva" he whispered I couldn't reply, I didn't know what to say so I simply left

I opened my eyes hoping to be surprised and yet I was again wrong, Yeva still lay unmoving, my hand wrapped in hers and my breathing the sound filling the room

"please Yeva, I need you to wake up you have always been there what will I do without you" I sobbed into the sheet

I I closed my eyes and remember when I had been happy and one of the best times in my life

_the entire family had gone camping up the hills, we all sat round a fire, the kids sat melting marshmallows or cooking hot-dogs, I was wrapped in a this wool blanket leaning against Dimitri's chest, never had I been so at peace, I looked around Lilly and Blake were only a year old, Blake was resting against my legs talking to Pot, Lilly was asleep with her head on his legs she looked so peaceful, Yeva and Olena, sat together enjoying the night air and their family being together, Viki and Christian sat playing with Rosalie and Alic, Lisa sat with Eric and Anna-Bell laughing at the faces she was pulling at Leo how was fighting with my dad as my mom laughed, everyone was enjoying this time together and making the most of it_

"_I love you Roza" Dimitri whispered in my ear_

"_forever and always Dimitri" I smiled and closed my eyes_

I had been so happy, everything had been perfect and in less then two year everything had fallen apart, Viki and Christian were arguing, Lisa had started using more magic so the darkness was back and with revenge, my father had to travel so my mother left with him and Leo but the worst and the thing that was killing me the most was Yeva, she had been getting ill for sometime then two weeks ago she collapsed in the garden and she hasn't woken up since, I know she is not going to I can see it when I look at her and yet I can not let her go

"you have to dear" the whisper came from behind me, my eyes snapped open and I turned to face her, her body shimmering, her voice soft like a whisper and there she stood, my Yeva

"I don't want to" I gasped

"I'm only waiting for you child" she sighed, and I felt guilty but I just couldn't say goodbye to her

"it wont be goodbye for us, my child, you will visit me and I you, when ever you need me" she smiled

"it wont be the same" I muttered and whipped the tear from my check

"different is not always bad Roza, you are my example to that" she gave a soft laugh and smiled

"wont you stay just a little longer, then I will let you go"

"I can not Roza, it is my time, I am ready, Please let me go" she smiled and she was gone, I again was left in this cold room with my silent and unmoving Yeva, I turned to face her and sighed she was right of course, she always was but it didn't make it any less harder to do

I leaned up and kissed her forehead, leaned over to her ear, took a deep breath and said one of the hardest things I would ever say

"goodbye Yeva, rest now and forgive me" my voice broke and tears ran down my face as I listened to the women who had been there for me for the past years and did nothing but help me, the grandmother I never knew I needed but glad I found, she gasped her last breath then she was still forever it was then that I truly broke down and the sobs racked my entire body, Dimitri came running into the room, looked at his grandmother then to me and sighed, his eyes filling with tears as he wrapped me in his arms against his chest

"it's ok Roza" he whispered and simply rocked me back and forth as I continued to cry, trying to release the pain in my chest.

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**As always Reviews are great and any tips and ideas are welcome**

**xx**

**FantasyGirl607**


	24. Chapter 23

Night after night I sat and waited for her but she didn't come and I could feel my anger building every day, my body would burn and my mind drift off into its own little world were I was fighting, killing, burning everything in my path. I didn't understand why I was like this I mean its not as if I should be angry at her and yet I couldn't stop myself

"Roza, are you ok ?" Dimitri whispered from the seat beside me, I turned to face him

his eyes were dark and thick shadows lay under them, his skin pale, his body slumped over and his voice was filled with nothing but sadness, I couldn't answer him I simply looked away from his eyes, I knew it was me causing him this pain and it killed me.

"mommy its time to go" Lilly smiled and took my hand in hers, she was so young and yet she was stronger then me at this moment in time, today would be hard and yet looking at her and Blake I felt safe, they truly were my anchor to life.

The garden had been transformed, white flowers were placed everywhere, Yeva's favourite as they smelt like these little hard boiled sweets she loved, there was chairs placed out in rows and then Yeva herself, in her white box stood at the front. The tears began as soon as my eyes landed on it, today we would bury her and it truly would be over, I never understood why I felt such a strong bond with Yeva but now that she is gone I realised just how much I had needed her.

We sat down and the crowd became quite as the victor started speaking, I paid no attention instead I looked down at Lilly and Blake sitting beside me, they were listening and had tears running down their checks, I can protect them from most evils and pain in this world but this I could not and I didn't like that.

My eyes drifted up to meet Dimitri's, he gave me a soft smile trying to reassure me but it didn't work I saw the pain and hatred In his eyes, he blamed me, of course he blamed me and sure they all do, was it my fault ? Did I cause everything that went wrong to happen ?

The ceremony continued and I stayed in my zombie like state not talking but listening to people talking about how much they loved Yeva, how much they missed her and that they were happy she was at peace now.

I couldn't stand it any more I waited till all eyes were off me and I left, I walked up the fields until I reached Archers bank, it over looked the entire town you could see our house from here.

I sat down and watched the people coming and going from the house, not one person had noticed I was gone and for that I was grateful I needed to think.

Everything had been perfect when the twins were born, I was happy I had the love of my life, two amazing children and my entire family, but if I am honest with myself then things had started going down hill long before Yeva became ill, I had mood swings, my mind wondered more, my gifts were becoming stronger and my need to train became impossible, the only thing that kept me grounded was the twins.

Lisa had stopped using magic but when we formed our bond again she wanted to practice however this time she was using a lot of magic the shadows become to much and I had to close the bond most of the time just to feel like I could breath, she didn't notice that it was to much for me to handle, I guess the time we never saw each other I got better at hiding my emotions and she got weaker at reading me.

Viki and Christian were fighting more and more with every growing day, it would be over simple, stupid things and yet I could see it happening they would snap at each other and I would always feel obliged to try and help which always made them turn on myself, so I stopped trying and just ignored them more.

The only thing that seemed to be good was me and Dimitri but when the twins were about a year old, I noticed that I was becoming more paranoid little things like was he happy, did he feel he made the right choice, does he really love me and they started to get worse as time went on.

So here I sat alone on a hill on the day that I should be with family trying to comfort them and get comfort in return, the day we buried my dear Yeva and said goodbye to a mother, grandmother and friend.

The night sky was lit up by stars everywhere I looked, then a full magnificent moon was shinning from about the mountains and it truly was beautiful, I was distracted I didn't hear anyone approach until they spoke, almost scaring the living shit out of me

"mommy" her little voice whispered from behind me, I spun round to see my little girl smiling at me

"you came up here on your own, that's very dangerous Lilly" I snapped, but she simply smiled

"not alone, Blake came with me" and sure enough her brother came and sat down beside me, panting his little lungs out

"we wanted to see you, you looked sad when you left" he whispered and kissed my check, I wrapped my arm around him and patted my knee for Lilly she smiled and she curled against my chest

"thank you, sweethearts, mommy is just felling a little sad today"

"grandma Yeva wouldn't be happy if you were sad mommy, she liked to see you smile like us" Blake was such a sweet and caring boy, I couldn't believe I was so lucky to have them

"I really was blessed the day you two were born" I kissed each of them and smiled

"mommy, I talked to uncle Mason last night" Blake muttered

"really, I haven't seen uncle Mason in some time now" I was confused, I knew that he visited their dreams but they never usually remembered much about them

"we sat and talked before I went to sleep" she smiled they of course knew all about Mason, I had told them stories of him when they were little, wait... before he slept

"you mean in your dreams baby" I corrected him but she shook his head

"no I was awake, he looked funny but not scary"

"what does he look like when he talks to you ?" my throat was closing up and I could breath right

"he looks like a cloud" he laughed

"yeah but when we touch him he doesn't go straight through like a cloud would" Lilly laughed along with her brother, my head whipped round to face her

"you've seen him too ?" she nodded and the smile on her face vanished as she read the panic in mine, its not possible Anna promised me they would never have gifts like mine they would never have to suffer like me, she god damn promised me

"what did you talk about ?" I whispered through gritted teeth

"about you mommy, uncle Mason said something is coming but you are blocking them they can not get through to you, so he came to us" I didn't talk I waited for him to continue

"he said you gifts are stronger, you body is weaker due to the loss of Yeva, its going to get worse, things are coming and you need to be prepared" hearing my son say this to me was hurting, he shouldn't have to know these things, he turned around and pulled Anna's journal from his bag he handed it to me

"he said you need to read, you haven't read it all and you need to" I nodded and took the book out of his hand

"your going to leave us for a little while mommy" Lilly smiled from on my knee but there was a single tear running down her check, I whipped it away and smiled softly

"that wont happen baby, I will never leave you or your brother"

"no you will, I dreamed it and Mason said if I dream it then it happens, he said you have something important to do that you have to do before you come home" she smiled and I swear my heart was breaking, my kids were ment to be normal but here they are they can see the dead like me and my daughter is dreaming of things that will/need to happen.

I didn't know if I wanted to cry or scream at the world for the shitty things its keeps tossing into my life, we sat there in silence just enjoying being together

"I love you both so much more than you will ever know" I whispered to them

"we love you to mommy" they whispered in union, I so loved it when they did that


	25. Chapter 24

**Sorry it has been so long since I last updated I kinda got distracted with uni and work. I have just finished my first year of uni and passed with the 5th highest grade our the years, about 100 kids or so, I am sooo bloody over the moon : ) so hopefully I will be updating more now**

**i fell i have lost touch with the story a little so if its not up to scratch i apologize, and will try my best - i know how i am going to end this story and i am afraid it will be coming soon, sadly but i feel its time for Roza to have her happy ever after that she needs.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviews, they mean a lot and keep me informed if your liking what your reading :)**

**anyway here we go - hope you like**

**remember to review :) **

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I have done so much in my life and here I am again heading off on some dangerous, mental adventure but now its different, before I didn't have much holding me back I mean sure I had Yeva and the family but I knew they would be there when I returned but now, Yeva was gone, I had Dimitri and the twins they were my everything, and I got the feeling that they could not be there when I came back if things went wrong, and it was scaring the hell out of me, I mean I have all these gifts but what use are they if I lose the ones I love, if I couldn't some how make everything right.

I was pissed off that Yeva, Anna, Vlad or Mason had not come to see me yet, the more I tried to go to them the more I get blocked by my anger and frustration, I didn't know how to calm myself any more, my emotions were all over the place and it kills me, I see their faces when I snap at my family, hurt, pain, sadness, loss but I can not stop it. I have checked on Lisa many times thinking I was taking her darkness but she still had it, I wasn't taking it at all now and I could see it slowly eating away at her and I was powerless to stop it.

Last night I sat on the hill with my children and my world changed again, they told me what was coming and what I needed to do, it was coming for me and I needed to go meet it half way, I needed to or I wouldn't get what I wanted. My happy ever after.

So here I am sitting in my room at the bottom of my bed watching Dimitri sleep, the love of my life, the person who gives me strength yet when I look at him lately I feel his disappointment in me, his fear of me, then other times I think I have imagined it when he smiled at me and I see nothing but love. My own mind is driving me crazy, one moment I am sure they hate me then the next I know they love me, I am happy the next I want to scream, I am free the next I'm trapped.

I feel like I can not breath any more, I feel the weight of my world on my shoulders and I am about to fall and drop everything.

How am I supposed to leave my children, they are so small and fragile they need me but they told me I have to that they understood, they really were mine and Dimitri's kids they have his calm yet passionate personalities, and my tempter and stubbornness. The walk home from the hill last night they had each held my hand and walked in silence until we reached the house they each kissed me and smiled "go to daddy, mommy" my daughter whispered and they went to bed without another word, and that's what I did I came to Dimitri, I sat on the bed watching him and have not moved yet.

He is so beautiful, just like the day I first met him when he came for me and Lisa he had shown that he was boss and that we could trust him, yet I never thought I would have fallen in love with this man, had my broken when he was turned, gone through all the pain of hunting him down and staking him, then him changing back, not loving me, betraying me with Lisa, having my heart broken again, leaving, finding a family in Russia with Christian, getting the family I always wanted, going back, living with the pain, my adventure to England, my gifts, meeting Anna and Vlad, seeing Mason again, Coming home, being with Dimitri, having the twins, being happy, Family falling apart, losing Yeva, now having to leave them again to go on another adventure that may result in my death or the death of my family.

They say bad shit comes in 3, well mine seems to come in a never ending stream of shit.

I sighed and stretched my legs out the sun had come up a little while ago and was starting to shine through the window, Dimitri started to wake up

"Roza" he mumbled half awake

"yeah comrade" I whispered softly

"what you doing down there have you not slept ?" he smiled and I shock my head, I didn't trust my voice I knew what was coming, what I needed to do

"what's wrong Roza ?" he looked panicked

"you know I will always love you Dimitri" I sighed "something is going to change"

"I don't understand" I muttered, pulling his top on

"I haven't been right for sometime now, my gifts are screwed up, my mind is a mess"

"Yeva just died its understandable, you just need time" he whispered but he knew that's wasn't it he was just hoping for the best

"something is coming for me, something big and bad" I took a deep breath "I need to leave"

"what's ? No, no way in hell are you going to face something 'big and bad' with out me" he snapped

"you have to let me go" I sighed and whipped a tear from my check, Yeva had said similar words to me before she died and I had wanted to fight against it as well

"where ?"

"I don't know"

"why ?"

"to stop what ever is coming"

"what is it ?"

"I don't know"

He pulled me into his arms and held me tight "please don't do this Roza" he whispered

"I need to, I have to protect you and the twins"

"you don't have to do it alone"

"I think your wrong, I thinks its more important now then ever that I do this one alone"

"what about Lilly and Blake ?"

"they already know, they not as normal as I had hopped, they understand we have already said our goodbyes" I saw his mind thinking then he worked out what I had just said

"your leaving today ?" I nodded

"tonight, just after sunset" I whispered

"will you come home to me" his voice was breaking my heart, I took his face in my hands

"I will always come home to you, your my soul, my heart, my forever" I whispered and pressed my lips to his, it was a kissed not filled with lust and control, it was filled with so much love, passion and hope that one day I will come home to him and our children and we will have the life I dream of so often

"where are the children ?"

"Viki took them out for the day they left a few minutes ago"

he looked down at me and he looked lost, like I had just taken away his life he wasn't sure what to do with himself, I took him hand and pulled him over to the bed

"lay down with me" I smiled and he did what I asked, his arms pulled me close to him and he kissed my check

"I will forever wait for you my Roza" he smiled softly and a tear ran down his check "just you come back to me as soon as you can"

we didn't speak again we simply lay there and enjoyed being here with each other, I needed this right now I needed the reassurance that my mind had been playing tricks on me, that he loved me as much as I loved him, he was everything to me and he knew that.

A world were my Dimitri didn't exists was no world at all, I intended to make sure that didn't happen, he needed to live or else I didn't and I would follow him as soon as I could.

We had lay here all day the sun was slowly setting across the sky and it was time, I turned a little to see my love, his steady breathing told me that he was sleeping long before I saw his face, he looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake him, for this goodbye it would be hard enough walking away from him whilst he slept, if he was awake looking at me with nothing but pain and sorrow in his brown eyes I would never leave his side but it needed to be done.

I climbed off the bed slowly so not to wake him, I packed my bag and stood for a few minutes watching him, my sleeping god, how I would miss him.

I leaned over and kissed his lips gently "I love you comrade, more then you will ever know" I whispered, he moaned and turned over

"I love you Roza" he muttered, I feared I had woken him but he was simply sleep talking, I smiled and walked from the room.

Walking through my house I saw all the pictures hanging from my walls, the family together at parties, weddings, my kids first birthday, steps, day of school, pictures of my family, then just as you are about to leave the house the picture that made me smile every time I saw it.

The entire family sitting in the yard, a fire blazing and everyone was smiling, Yeva sat beside me with her arm around me and Lilly on her knee, the kids were 2 years old and everything was perfect.

I smiled and looked at Yeva, she had been so happy, so healthy so really was the life and soul of this family "love you" I whispered and then opened the door to leave, my heart left behind me, it slept in the bed upstairs waiting for me to come home to him.

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**so what did you think ? let me know**

**hopefully i will have finished the next chapter by later today so look out for it : ) **


	26. Chapter 25

Things seemed to go in slow motion as I walked, every person I passed would watch me their minds knowing I was a threat yet not knowing why or how, but you could see the moment of fear flash across their face before they passed it of as silly little thoughts.

The weather was cloudy and a storm was coming, I had a huge battle coming and then a storm was coming to create the atmosphere how frustrating, it seemed everywhere I looked everything reminded me of what was to come.

A week since I left my home In Russia, I didn't know where I was going or what I was looking for so I simply walked hoping I would know when I came across it. I stopped when I came across a little cafe, sitting for 5 minutes wouldn't hurt so I went inside, it was small and a little old fashioned inside but look nice, I ordered a coffee and sat down at a table.

I pulled out Anna's book and began reading, Lilly had said Mason told her I needed to read it, that there was things I still needed to know.

I opened the book to the last page I read, I must admit I haven't read much of this book unless I wanted to find something that I needed, there was still a lot about myself I didn't know.

Gifts that I had, Gifts that I didn't, Gifts I think I have but haven't shown themselves yet, how my emotions will change with my gifts, the more gifts the more stress I will be under, how my gifts are effected by my emotions, How Anna had survived the battles that came her way, then I found something I needed, how she survived her ultimate battle, the one that gave her the life she wanted with Vlad

"_for weeks I felt lost, I didn't have the same connection to Vlad that I had he was distant and cold towards me, I can see the looks her gives me, he wished he had let me die when we were younger, regret nothing but regret lay in his face when I spoke to him, regret for saving me, for spending his life with me, having a child with me, I didn't know but I fear he blames me for the loss of Adam"_

She felt like I do now, she was paranoid and in pain, she thought he didn't love her, he regretted spending his life with her, she was describing how I have been feeling, Dimitri seemed cold and distant, like he hated me, he blamed me for Yeva's death but I know now that our minds were screwing with us.

"_its was him, he wanted me I knew he did but never did I think he would hurt me in the doing so, he tried killing Vlad today, and I almost lost him I saw his life light dulling, he was passing but I screamed out for him to stay with me, that I needed him he couldn't leave me or I would follow soon after, he came back to me, he fought to stay with me, he loved me" _

Some one wanted her, I had read before that many would use us as a weapon if they could, she told me I needed to be careful hide my secret better yet I hadn't listened, I had used my gift and gone on some crazy hunting trip and killed none stop I drew a lot of attention to myself and I didn't care, I had been so fullish I should have listened to her words, I could have prevented this

"_if you read this and understand what I am going through there are some things I must tell you, your life is in the balance now, my reaper was a moroi called Lucas, he had grown up with me in training, battle but when I met Vlad and the bond was created Lucas was jealous he hated Vlad and I guess he never got over it, he used his magic more until he trained himself, some how he managed to block my gifts, I was banned for the after world, my guides could not help me, make me see what was real and what was allusion, you need to find your reaper and stop him, if he gets you only one of two things will happen, you will become evil, they will have complete and utter control over your soul, you will do their bidding at the order you soul destroyed, or you will die you will lose the battle and send yourself to the afterlife to prevent the first from happening"_

So someone was after me to use me, I needed to find them and stop them, or kill myself to protect everyone as I will not let my gifts hurt people because I am not strong enough to destroy my 'reaper', I was angry why had Anna not told me before now about this I could have prevented it but then it clicked she had tried so many times and I had been to busy to listen

"_Rose you need to continue reading my journal"_

"_be more careful with who sees your gifts"_

"_your to stubborn to listen to me"_

"_be careful Roza your attracting attention"_

"_hide your secret Roza"_

She was right I had been to stubborn to listen to her, if I had she may have been able to warn be about what was coming, I could have been more prepared. But I hadn't and here I was looking for someone who could be anyone, in a place that could be anywhere.

I looked around the cafe and people sat chatting with friends, family, reading, playing on phones but they all had one thing in common they were living.

I had gone thought 6 cups of coffee and had just ordered my 7th I just closed the book and was wondering what my next move was when as if timing it perfectly a note fell from the back of the book, I picked it up and smiled as I noticed Lilly's hand writing

_'Go to your first home mommy_

_love you '_

why would she tell me to go home, she was the one who told me I needed to leave I needed to do this before I could go home, wait does this mean who ever it is, is going to my home, my family, the twins, Dimitri

I was up and running before I could think, my bag over my shoulder I sure as hell and getting my back to protect my family, they needed me and I would let them get hurt because some fucker wanted me

"_get home"_

"_get home"_

"_get home"_

I could stop my thoughts, they all said the same thing pushing me to run harder, faster I needed to get there then it hit me like a brick "fist" I muttered, my feet came to a stop, my breathing coming in short pants

_'go to your **first** home mommy'_

My first home, before Russia the place I lived and trained at the place that broke my heart, I needed to go back, they would be there waiting for me, I am not doing to doubt my daughter she she says I need to go there then that's were am going

So here I am Rose Belikov Hathaway, going back to the place it started for face my finale and biggest battle. St. Vladimir's Academy.

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**And so the finale Battle is coming. There will only be 3 or 4 more chapters after this so bare with me if it takes a little longer then normal to post I want to get my ending for this story right, I have enjoyed writing this one and feel it deserves a good ending.**

**Reviews are good, and also I want your advice on a few things so in your reviews answer these questions for me**

**(1) Who should be after Roza, I have a good person in mind and he would fit into the story, he has been in before, or should I create a new bad guy for the ending ?**

**(2) A few people asked if I will write that Roza and Dimitri have another child, I wasn't quite sure about this as I wanted the twins to be their little miracles- but what do you guys think ?**

**(3) I want Rose to find her finale shadow kissed gift, what do you guys think it should be ? (think big with it being the end)**

**Anyway hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and are looking forward to the next**

**FantasyGirl**

**xx**


	27. Chapter 26

My heart was trying to break free from my chest, my hands sweaty, my breath in short pants and I wanted nothing more then to turn away from this huge black gate and run home to Russia, wrap myself in Dimitri's arms and hide from the world outside our little home. There I was safe and loved here I was alone and scared, even with my gifts I stood against something or someone that wanted me to join them or dead ….

How do you really stand against something like this and have no fear in you, you can't and if someone says you can then they are fucking idiots. The only reason I stand here now is to protect not the world but 3 people, Dimitri and my children they were the most important thing to me and the only reason I place my hands on the gate and push the old rusted gates swing open and I take a deep breath and take the first step into death or my happily ever after.

The school quite, to quite, there should be pupils and guardian running around getting on with their lives but there wasn't, not one single person. This was my first sign that something big was here, for me. I tried to stay in the shadows of the buildings in case there just so happened to be someone around a corner I was going to turn. I got around the grounds and into the medic centre easily enough.

"_Rose, you have to stop fighting your going to hurt yourself worse someday"_

"_hey doc don't worry" I smiled_

"_Rose please just listen to me this time"_

"_Doc if I get hurt you'll patch me up, its all good"_

The memory passed through my mind as I walked passed the waiting room in the medic centre, I had been 8 years old and had fallen out a tree, the doctor had to give me 10 butterfly clips to hold the wound closed but it didn't stop me, as I continued to walk more and more memory made their way forward.

"_hello"_

"_hello"_

"_my name is Lissa"_

"_I'm Rose"_

"_were going to be good friends you and I, Rose"_

The first time I met Lisa

"_Lissa he's crazy"_

"_he's not, he's just misunderstood"_

"_ok fine your Crazy"_

The moment she told me she liked Christian

"_Hello Little Damphir"_

There was no need to remember more about Adrian, the simple one phrase said everything about him

"_My name is Dimitri Belikov, Princess and I am here to take you home"_

That voice that could make me so mad or so happy without even trying, how I loved it, how I missed it

I couldn't stop the tears that ran down my face as the memories from my life here ran like a movie through my mind, I had spent so much of my life here and met some of the closest people to my heart here, it killed me that the place I might die today was the same place.

I made it to the Dinning hall and that's when the shit really hit the fan, lines and lines of students and staff where tired up in the centre of the room, some looked badly beaten and some looked close to death, there was no one else in the room so I crept in and the first person I came across was Stan Fucking Alto

"great we need saving and the universe sends Rose Hathaway" he snapped as I approached him

"don't fucking start with me Stan or I will leave you here to die" I growled as I untied his hands and feet

"what are you doing here ?" he muttered as we started getting the students free

"I needed to be here for this, do you know who is behind this ?"

"Strigoi"

"yes but who ?"

"I don't know, they came from no where and before we could even reached they had breached the school, most the guardians dead and the students were being brought here, he have been here for days now"

"when it starts, if I tell you to do something Alto you do it, understood ?"

"don't tell me ..."

"am I fucking understood ?" I screamed, he seemed to realise this was not a fucking game

"yes"

"good, now hurry we don't have much time"

"Actually Rose you ran out of it a long time ago" A female voice called from across the room, I stood and turned to face my finale demon, the person who would determine my fate, if I was to forever be lost after this night or would return home to my love, was in this persons hands

As I finally came face to face with the women, my heart broke, she was a monster and it was my fault …...

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**Reviews Guys are what makes me keep writing, let me know who you think it is now that you know its a she ..**

**Fantasygirl607**

**xx**


	28. Chapter 27

I didn't think it was possible to hate myself more but here I stood looking at her and I felt my heart breaking, she should never have been dragged into my world. She looked like she was enjoying the pain I was under and I guess she was, she's not the girl I used to know

I stepped closer and pushed Stan back, he continued to untie people as I stood there facing her so this was it the beginning or the end and I needed to decide which it was going to be, could I really kill her though, could I really kill her like she was some unknown vampire trying to take my life and of those I loved, and then it hit me I could do it to save my 3 reasons for living.

"Hello Lou" I whispered my voice breaking a little

"I have been waiting a long time to see you again Roza" she laughed and walked towards me

"what happened to you ?" I muttered and turned to follow her movements

"you mean after you vanished with nothing but a note, oh a nice vampire came and told me about everything you were hiding from us and he gave me this gift" she waved her hand down her body and smiled, her fangs standing out against her red lips

"I am so sorry" I whispered broken and fell to my knees

"its all your fault Roza, if you had never come into our lives we would have been happy I could have been married with a perfect husband and beautiful children very much like yourself" she teased me

"you leave my family alone" I growled

"what like you left us alone, it is your fault that John and Adam had their throats ripped out that night, why the vampire sat and sucked the blood from their bodies and turned me into this so I could get my revenge"

"you were safer not knowing" I snapped

"safer then what Roza ?" I was standing right in front of me now and her face was right in mine "safer then inviting a strange vampire into our homes and listen as he told us what you really are, what kind of freak we had been living with and thought was our friend"

"and if you had known what would you have done ? There is nothing you could have done"

"we could have turned you away and been safe, they wouldn't have found us and killed us"

"your not dead"

"yes I am I'm a fucking Vampire Roza, the same things we used to laugh about in class and come up with stupid myths and the whole time you knew they were real"

During this time I had been keeping track of Stan he had everyone untied and they were getting out the back door, it seemed the only strigoi were in this room and if they stayed here they could get out safe

"oh we noticed them Roza" Lou laughed from my side

"but a bunch of stupid blood bags are not what we are after let them go, we came here for you"

"why ?"

"I want to watch as the life leaves your eyes just like I did when he killed John and Adam"

"who killed them ?"

"oh you know him, he was after you for a very long time"

"who was it ?" I screamed at her

"Victor" she smirked

"Victor Dashkov ?" I was shocked after all this time he was still hell bent and getting me to help him so much that he would turn a human girl to get at me, she nodded

"He's dead of course, I learned everything I would from him and then killed him along with that fucking idiot brother of his"

"so if he is no longer controlling you why are you here ?"

"I want you"

"why ?"

"because I realised something over the time I spent with Victor, if everybody wanted you so bad there must be a reason" her followers left the room and left only her and I

"I have been watching you for a very long time Roza and I want you to join me"

it was then that it ran through my head _'Join or Die'_ but I had already chosen my path, I wouldn't allow myself to become a weapon but that means I would need to make peace with never seeing them again

"you have been behind everything haven't you ?" her laughter answered my question

"you see I have met a few very talented Moroi and strigoi over there years and they have wonderful gifts, it was only to easy to have then cast a spell on you and watch as you tore your life apart, blocking those ghost friends of yours was a little harder but still we managed"

"you know I wont join you Lou" I growled and moved back

"then there is only one way this will end" she snapped and got ready to attack me, using my gift I pulled the darkness from her and watched as it shot into her chest knocking her on her ass and I took my chance to run

My breath was coming in sharp pants as I ran through the school, my body began to panic when I saw the strigoi at the gates and surrounding the school, she had everything covered there was no escape, I couldn't fight them all there was over a hundred and she was catching up to me, I was on the top floor and had no more room to run except up …. the roof

I raced up the stairs trying my hardest to get there before she caught me, I wanted a moment to say my goodbyes before I ended it, I kicked the door open and ran out into the cold night air, it nipped at my skin and burned my checks and ears finally my feet stood at the edge and I looked down at the fall before me and gasped in all the time I had been at this school I never knew the school stood this high from the ground. I stood above the open ground nothing lay below me but grass, I didn't have much hope I had given my stake to Stan as I pushed him backwards he would need it, I didn't have anything to use against her, she was strong and I was still weak from the magic used against me, I had pulled the shadows from her before and it had taken so much from me, my eyes scanned the ground below thinking of a way to end this and then I saw it.

It was now that my entire life ran through my mind it has been a none stop up and down battle and from one day to the next I didn't know where I stood. The worst moments of my life like nightmares that never end then there was the highlights, Dimitri, his love, his smile, my family, each and everyone of them, my children my little miracles, my ability to save people etc. standing here now if I had to choice I don't think I would change my life, without the bad I wouldn't have found the good and be willing to end my life to spare theirs

"not thinking of jumping are you Roza ?" Lou's voice shocked me I hadn't heard her come out onto the roof I turned so I could face her

"not yet some things I need to finish before I finally take the jump" I smiled

"still the same Roza" she laughed moving closer

"answer me Lou is this what you have really turned into ?"

"of course this is what I turned into I am a VAMPIRE Roza what do you want me to be ?"

"I don't know I guess you would still remember who you where" I muttered looking down at her feet, she had moved closer to me and was moving to my right but I had been watching and hoping for this

"You did this to me Roza, you made all this happen"

"how ? By wanting a normal life, wanting friends" that stopped her and she looked at my face

"you have friends Roza, if I remember the Princess Lisa is your best friend"

"You remember the girl I told you about the one who betrayed me ?" she nodded and then it finally hit her

"she was Lissa" she whispered more to herself than me, there was a silence between us before she spoke again

"it wont change nothing Roza, you have a choice take my hand or die"

"you know what my answer will be Lou" I sighed

"then you know what will happen" she whispered before jumping at me, I grabbed her wrist and pulled her closer to me, we now stood at the edge of the roof her locked in my arms, she tried to pull away with everything she had but that made me tighten my grip, I looked into her blood red eyes and a tear ran from mine

"I am so sorry Lou" I leaned forward and kissed her check it was impulse not thought out but I did it anyway "I can set you free" I whispered and pulled her with me as I fell, she tried to get me to loosen my grip but I held closer and turned us so I now rested on her, as we fell I watched as my memories of her flashed through my mind the times we spend in our flat watching movies and laughing together, our nights out with the boys and our conversations in class, I truly believed her to be my friend and I had destroyed her in more ways than one and now I was about to destroy her one last time, the closer we came to the ground I saw the silver that was about to aid me, I had saw it when I stood on the ledge thinking of home and it was this that gave me the courage to fall, it would make sure I was not used by Lou and that she could rest

I took one last look at her before we crashed to the ground I gasped as the cold hit me but my eyes never left Lou's she was watching me, when she finally realised what had happened many emotions crossed her face but the finale one to linger was peace, a small smile crossed her lips as she took her last breath "thank you Roza" her voice was weak and quiet but I heard it she was still there, the sweet girl I had met on my first day of class, the girl who dressed like she pleased and spoke her mind, the girl who grew up in a small town with her parents and younger siblings, the girl who loved myths and stories, the girl I had just killed.

I waited till she was gone before I pulled myself off her, I screamed as the silver stake that had pierced her heart pulled its way out my chest, double staking, I knew it would happen and it was a price I knew I would pay, I fell back when I was finally free and looked up at the night sky. I could feel the numb tingle start and knew I didn't have long.

So peaceful tonight, nothing but endless darkness a lit with the bright little stars, so much beauty in this world not many take the time to see it I would do it every night with Yeva yet I longed that I had done it more my eyes closed as a smiled smiled bless my lips perhaps for the last time Funny the little things you think of in your last moments alive.

"we're here my Angel" The voice I had missed so much whispered to me, she was here, she was finally here the moment I needed her she came, it took all my strength to open my eyes and look at her she leaned over me a smiled on her face, I looked around me to see Mason, Anna and Vlad had come also

"home ?" I gasped between the pain, they must have known what I ment as they turned to Vlad he looked down at me and nodded

"everything is going to be fine, little one" he smiled and his hand hovered above mine, in a sign of comfort, I didn't have the energy to nod I simply closed my eyes and took my last breath, I was ready they were safe and I would forever watch over them

The darkness came over me like a light sheet covering my body, the pain stopped

And I felt Free !


	29. Chapter 28

_The night air brushed against my checks, the dark sky above me alight with stars and the snow that fell from it. Flakes as big as my fist, each detailed and simple at the same time and yet together they created a allusion of pure beauty. The mountains to my left created shadows on the field below them, the white tops barley visible in the night, the full moon half hidden behind them. _

_I followed the small path, trying to avoid falling my checks and fingers tingling in the cold, my eyes watering from the snow. I have no doubt my skin is pale, my lips blue and my eyes clouded and yet I could not keep the smile from my face, I shouldn't be here and yet here I am._

_A few more seconds and my destination comes in view, the small little row of houses all dark and lonely apart from one, a single light in the window shows me my path but as I get closer my eyes land on the figure who sits out side, a thick blanket wrapped round their shoulders and a cup in their hands, my mind fools me until seeing a women long since passed, her small body wrapped in her blanket a smiled gracing her lips as she looks out at the beauty before her._

_The closer I get the more aware of his beauty I become, but the sad eyes should not be on such a magnificent creature. He hears my approach and his eyes slowly move to me, the emotion that crosses his face is twister of all. He stands, the blanket falling from his shoulders and the cup tumbles to the ground. I smile as I see him making his way towards me and I finally realise why I am here, why I returned, why I fought, to simply see that smiled again it could brighten even the darkest of days._

_His arms encase me and he spins me from my feet, our laughter filling the night air and I am aware of eyes on us but I simply don't care, I am wrapped up in the man that holds my heart, soul and every fibre of my being._

My breath comes in short pants as I awake from the dream of a memory, my hearts aches when I realise the spot beside me is cold and empty as it has been for far to long now.

I grab my night gown and make my way to the kitchen, my frail body aches from the cold the night brings, I pour myself some tea and head out to the porch swing.

I sit and look the mountains in front of me as I slowly sip my tea, I can not remember a time when I haven't don't this it started when I was a young girl, a night when I needed comfort and a wise women gave me that and a tradition that I would pass on to my children.

Of course there grown and have their own families now, both strong people who have followed in my steps of protecting who we love most. They have their children and their grand children but tonight is the night that decides if she will make it, the new member to our family, the one more like me than they know, there is two tales of her, she will survive and become the change we have been leading to, or she will pass and the world will be worse for it. My great-grand daughter will be the one to change the world

I sip the last from my cup and head inside as if on queue my phones rings as I step into the house, I take a needed breath and bring it to my ear

"hello"

"mom, its me"

"hello, sweetheart"

"she's fine mom, she made it"

"that's great news sweetheart"

"I have to go now, we will be home soon"

"goodbye"

"night mom"

His voice is like a rush of air, running through my body I have waited for it for so very long and now that I have it I feel like I can breath easier.

I make my way back to my room with a smile on my face, walking through this quite home I finally see how alone it is with out my family here and its a sad thought to cross a old ladies mind.

As I walk into my room, I find the old journal that has been a companion and guide to me most my life, the shadow kissed book from Anna, my hand glides over it and I smiled, a small note lay beside it

_' Give it to her when she is ready Blake, love mom '_

I move over to my bed and lay down looking at the photos that's grace my room, so many memories all filled with love and hope

Christmas

Camping trips

Playing in the snow

Birthdays

Weddings

Births

Parties

but the one photo that stands out the most, the one closest to my bed the day I returned from my biggest battle, me wrapped in the arms of the man I love and always have, the snow falling around us as he spins me round, our smiles showing the love we felt at that moment.

A smile on my face as I close my eyes, most my family had already passed over but I needed to wait, I watched as they each closed their eyes for the last time but the night he had left me alone in this world was the hardest of the all, a simple kiss to his lips and my goodbye was over.

I felt a single tear run down my check and sighed, I knew he was here before he spoke I could always tell when he was near. His ghostly hand lay over mine and I smiled

"I've been waiting, my love"

"its time" his voice was distant and soft but it was still his, filled with so much love

"yes" I whisper and breath out slowly, I'm ready, I feel him move to lay down beside me and lay his head beside mine

"come with me my love, everyone is waiting for you" he whispers as he presses his soft cold lips to mine and I take my last breath, the last thought on my mind

_' I'm coming home, Dimitri '_

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**To everyone who has followed this story, Thanks, its you guys that have made writing it worth it**

**If you like this ending or simply have some thoughts then leave a review :) **

**I am so sad to finish this story but who knows there may be a next generation of shadow hunters that i can write about ;)**

**FantasyGirl**

**xx**


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